No present from the kids on my birthday

[Mangetoutrodney]

I know this will sound really spoilt but I am upset that DP hasn’t organised a single present for my bday. I’m not high maintenance but even a little chocolate bar from the kids would have been nice. I didn’t have a present to open on my birthday & it’s upset me. Not even because I want ‘stuff’ - I don’t- it’s just the thought. I had loads of lovely cards from work but nothing from my family/ kids.
Aibu to be upset? I don’t want to sound like a spoilt brat but it’s made me feel irrelevant & forgotten about.
Sorry- feeling a bit sorry for myself. I know it sounds a bit bratty.

I don't think it sounds bratty at all.
Happy birthday. Sorry your husband is a thoughtless bugger.

YANBU but i forgot my dd's birthday this year so I can assure you it can be done. I actually vomited when I remembered. People can forget things. I asked my dd why didn't you just remind me? 'Because you should have known'. I've rarely felt so sick with guilt. But I assure you that you can love someone and just forget. DD is still speaking to me but it took a while. She couldn't understand. I nearly killed myself when I remembered the next day. (I was away with work)

And I'm not at all excusing my behaviour, it still makes me feel sick when I think of her waiting for Mummy's present and nothing came. I'm not sure I'll ever forgive myself.

But it's possible he just forgot!

Doesn't sound bratty at all, I was so upset last year that my dp didn't get me anything at all. I talked to him about it though, and this year I have hope. Xxx

I sometimes think I am the least birthday fixated person on Mumsnet and even I would be really upset if my husband didn't acknowledge my birthday. It's not bratty at all.

YANBU to feel like that. We want the people we love to acknowledge special occasions and make some kind of deal about things that are important to us. Did you ask him about it?

Yanbu.

Makes you feel kinda worthless, doesn’t it?

I have had this most years. My birthday is next week and I know my kids have got me something because my mum took them out yesterday.
And I know DH has because my mum told him what to get.
If it wasn’t for her, I know I would get nothing from them or DH.
And every single year, like yesterday, I get “not sure whether I will have time/money to get you a birthday present” and it causes a row along the lines of “it’s the same fucking day every year, and I have never once had this conversation with you about your birthday.” His is Dec 21 and he still gets presents etc despite Christmas taking priority so April shouldn’t be hard.
In my DHs case, his family never make a big thing about birthdays, as a kid he would get something like new school shoes or a pencil case, never anything “indulgent” like a new toy.
So he kind of projects it onto me by saying. “I haven’t got you anything” in the, frankly, vain hope that one year I will say “Oh, that’s OK”, but (and this does sound bratty) I refuse to accept it because that means he doesn’t have to make any effort, and for me it’s the effort that counts.
I don’t care if he just gives me a KitKat or something, as long as he has made the effort to choose something I would like.

He also insists on telling me every year that he was going to buy me something better but it was too expensive. I also haven’t had an actual Christmas present for three years, just a vague promise of something or other that never materialises.

Before they started school, I never got any acknowledgement for Mother’s Day either.

So, no, YANBU. It’s the one day of the year where you are allowed to feel a bit bratty and want to be spoiled.

You shouldn’t expect massive gestures but something to show he cares.

YANBU at all. I'm not a big birthday person, I never expect much, but I'd be devastated if my DH didn't acknowledge it at all. Big presents aren't important but thoughtfulness and marking the occasion is. You have every right to be very upset and demand that he makes this up to you.

No, YANBU at all, birthdays matter to me. Being appreciated and made to feel special one day a year is the norm for most people in our society.
Two choices then, if it were me.
Don’t celebrate any birthdays past the age of 10.
Make your birthday fabulous and special and go somewhere entirely on your own for the day. You may only have to do this once for the shock and impact to last for decades. I’ve done it a couple of times in 40 years for significant events that were ignored by DH and children.
But you are right, it makes you feel insignificant, unloved and foolish for minding. How long have you been together? Because it’s irrelevant about how he feels about his birthday. If something matters to you, he should care.

He told me I need to get a grip when I was really upset & crying so feel even more worthless

Ah, then enjoying yourself without him might be the best path. And ignoring his birthday. Crying and being distressed with an indifferent partner, is he often such an arse? Because I couldn’t be with someone that made me unhappy on a regular basis.

He sounds a right catch.

Well he's not a very nice person is he?
This isn't always a popular opinion on MN but it is absolutely out of order if a partner doesn't acknowledge a birthday. If you have small children they should be also organising something on their behalf too.

It's not unreasonable, bratty or entitled.
Hope you still managed to have a nice day Op.

He's set the marker for his birthday....

👛💐🎂🥂🛍🎁🎈 a few virtual gifts op. Sorry he’s let you down. Happy birthday.
I’d leave him with the kids later on, and go treat yourself to a meal or a drink.

Please, please tell me you're going to totally ignore his birthday this year. Sorry for you OP but he sounds awful.

@Apoiads
" I nearly killed myself when I remembered the next day."

Wtf? If you are serious then you need to get some help. If this was a figure of speech then it was very poor taste to use it.

OP you definitely do not sound bratty. He should have sent you a card and present from him and bought a separate card and token gift from the DC. If the kids are old enough he should have taken them out and let them choose the gift. At this time of year he could have bought a bunch of daffodils or two from the DC as they are inexpensive.
for you and belated Happy Birthday wishes.

As for telling you to get a grip, what a charmer eh? What is he like generally, does he help out and show you affection or is he not a prize husband in other areas too?

I would have asked him, take the dc shopping, they will want to buy a present for me

Is this part of a bigger picture OP?

"Get a grip" what a bloody twat, he must really despise you.

I’m v relaxed about birthdays. But I’d be v sad if they didn’t remember or organise anything at all.

YANBU and you are not being bratty. It’s not too much to expect to be looked after/spoilt one day out of an entire year. What’s the point of having a family if they can’t do one little thing for you. I don’t do Valentine’s Day or the other man made up days but birthdays are special. That’s the one day out of any of them that should be celebrated.

Can you take the kids out tomorrow and give them a few quid to choose you something?

YADNBU.

DH and I are on a very tight budget so we haven’t been able to do presents for each other since before our 18 month old twins were born, but he still managed to get me a card last and wrote a lovely message in it from himself and “what our twins said”. Very poor behaviour from your DP and his response to your upset sounds extremely cold.

That being said, if this isn’t part of a wider issue of his lack of care, it could be he genuinely doesn’t understand how it makes you feel and acted twattish? DH and I get like this sometimes and if I get mad/upset and he’s confused as to why his defenses shoot up and he can act like a horrible arse sometimes. I’m not trying to say you’re wrong for your feelings - AT ALL - but if he’s not normally so callous, try approaching the subject when feeling a bit more calm, if he’s still an Arse about it then that’s a whole different conversation.