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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at the lack of organisation from my family

26 replies

NearlyHeddaslessNick · 13/07/2007 16:20

My brother's graduation is on Monday. Ever since I heard when it would be I have said that I want to be there. Everytime I have asked my brother what will happen on the day he just says that it starts at 2pm. So I have arranged for my 2 children to go to my SIL's from midmorning on Monday, dh will pick them up when he finishes work. All fine.

Today I rang my dad to sort arrangements/times etc only to be told by step mother(dad was out) that they will be leaving their house to go to the graduation at 9am and they thought I could stay over on sunday night and arrange for dc's to be looked after be someone else. So with 2 days notice I am supposed to find someone to have my children overnight and for the entire day on monday. I am so because I really want to be there for my brother. Our mum died 4 years ago and I know he would love her to be there. My sister has just started a new job and cannot get the time off. Although she managed to ask for time off today to go to a festival.

And what's even more irrirtating is that they have to be there that early becasue step mother works on monday nights and cannot get the evening off as they've just been on holiday so they have to leave the graduation by 4.30.

My dad says he will ring tomorrow and he's sure we can sort comething out

If they had told me in the first instance that it would be an entire day thing then dh could have arranged to have the day off. Obviously with no notice this is impossible.

So basically I will now miss my brothers graduation

OP posts:

Katy44 · 13/07/2007 16:23

Not sure I understood, but can you not make your own way there at midday?
Then you could stay a bit longer?
Congratulations to your brother - what's he graduating in?
(Was initially confused by the name BTW - is this a HP thing? )

Katy44 · 13/07/2007 16:25

I know nothing about HP btw in case I've outed myself as an idiot!
And to answer your original question, yes, I would expect more organisation, surely they could ahve told you about the 9am start before now!

MumOfSlytherinsMonsters · 13/07/2007 16:25

I am not sure i understand whatthe problem is really? You made arrange,ents to go to his graduation, why can you now not go because othegr people in your family are making a day of it?

RunningGirl · 13/07/2007 16:25

NH Nick
Can you not make your own way there rather than go with your father and stepmum and then you can leave mid morning as originally planned?
If you do have to go with them, couldn't your DH look after the children overnight and either go to work late and take them to your SIL mid morning or could you find someone else to have them for the time between DH going to work and SIL being available?
hope you work something out!

Cappuccino · 13/07/2007 16:25

why can't you go under your own steam?

Original poster

NearlyHeddaslessNick · 13/07/2007 16:27

Hiya Katy (yep tis HP name!!)

We only have one car, dh will need it to collect dc's. SIL doesn't drive so can't drop them off.

Could get a train to the graduation but this would take about 3 hours. Would have to go to London then to Egham. So a complete PITA.

He did Geography, got a 2.1 but wasn't far off a 1st. Very proud of my little bro He's now going on to do a Masters>

OP posts:

meandmyflyingmachine · 13/07/2007 16:34

But the graduation will be at a particular time though surely? Whether or not your step mother wants to get back early. If it's at 2pm, it's at 2pm.

Judy1234 · 13/07/2007 16:34

We had some complex arrangements to get us all to my daughter's earlier this year and we went by train actualyl. It worked fine until my son missed the connection on to our train despite being in the right station at the right time but he caught up with us later. For us the first issue was tickets. Normally they issue 2 per family. Have your family applied for one for you and got ont? We requestd 5 instead of 2 and we got it. We were lucky. Also there shoudl be some booklet or leaflet about what happens when on the day including when your brother collects his gown etc so the times will link into that. Why not just get the train? My son who came on later missed the picking uo of the gown having graduation photo bit of his sister but that was all dull anyway.

meandmyflyingmachine · 13/07/2007 16:34

I mean, so why are they leaving so early?

Katy44 · 13/07/2007 16:35

Oh I see that makes a lot more sense now
Will your SIL not be able to have them? I assume not as you would have considered that Could you get the train to London and ask them to pick you up - would that be much quicker?

Katy44 · 13/07/2007 16:36

The first 'them' being your children, the second 'them' being your dad and step mum
Sorry

butterbeer · 13/07/2007 16:37

See if you can drop them off a little earlier at your SIL's and then take the train.

fedupwasherwoman · 13/07/2007 16:39

Can't the children stay at your SIL's until you return with the car. If you have to come back with your dad and stepmother, leaving the graduation at 4.30 pm, what time would you get back and be able to collect the children yourself ?

Does your dh need the car to get to work ?

Judy1234 · 13/07/2007 16:39

The one we went to started at about 2. We queued for about 30 mins to get in. Before that we chose to have a family lunch in a restaurant but that was just our choice and then there's a reception after which doesn't really last very long and then most people go or else they stay late and go on for a family meal I suppose. I would have thought if it starts at 2 you queue up from 1.30 ish and then it lasts about 1 - 1.5 hours (our 8 years olds actually enjoyed it which surprised me) and then a brief time to eat some snack food and have a cup of tea and that's it.

Original poster

NearlyHeddaslessNick · 13/07/2007 16:41

Have just looked into National Rail times again. The journey would take 2.5hours. So I would really need catch the train around 9 to get to Egham by 11.30 then find where the uni is. But there's an issue with that too as would have to drop dc's off around 8 to then get to dh's work to drop car off then bus into town to catch the train. BUT sil works 7-9am(bloomin silly hours)

I know it sounds like i'm putting obsticles in the way but it truely is frustrating since this could have been avoided.

OP posts:

Original poster

NearlyHeddaslessNick · 13/07/2007 16:45

Timing wise, apparently, brother now tells me!, he collect his gown at 11.30, drinks reception at 12, ceremony at 2. They want to do photos before so that they can leave at 4.30.

They are leaving that early as it's in London and traffic is unpredictable!!

My brother did say they could leave at 10 but this only leaves them 1.5hour window for an hours journey.

OP posts:

Original poster

NearlyHeddaslessNick · 13/07/2007 16:49

Oh and we have 4 tickets. Dad, step mother, me and sis. But My brother's girlfriend is now coming instead of sis which is really good

OP posts:

eca · 13/07/2007 16:51

what a nightmare for you Hope you manage to work it out. xx

butterbeer · 13/07/2007 16:57

Leaving at 10 should be fine, I'd have said. That still allows them a 50% margin for error on the journey, and they could pick you up and everyone would be happy(ish).

Original poster

NearlyHeddaslessNick · 13/07/2007 17:04

butterbeer, thing is I still have to get to them. and drop off dc's early which means asking SIL yet another favour. (i'm not on the way to the uni so have to get to my dad's then they drive from there) Plus as I said she works 7-9am and would need to drop them off before that.

OP posts:

butterbeer · 13/07/2007 17:07

Thought they lived near you.

Hmmm... hire a car for the day? (pricey, admittedly)

Original poster

NearlyHeddaslessNick · 13/07/2007 17:12

I really appreciate the suggestions. Will have to ask SIL/BIL and see if they can have them for the entire day.

My AIBU though was really to do with the lack of notice. I am just so annoyed that I could have sorted this all out weeks ago and now I have to BEG people in order to attend.

OP posts:

Original poster

NearlyHeddaslessNick · 13/07/2007 18:14

I have sorted out a way to get there now. Will be a VERY long journey but nevermind.

OP posts:

oooggs · 13/07/2007 18:53

eddas - families hope you get it all sorted and you and bro have a lovely day. Well done eddas' little brother.

elkiedee · 13/07/2007 19:42

Sorry you've had such a hassle, Eddas. You're not being unreasonable, you're obviously a wonderful sister and I hope your brother appreciates that.

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