Husband always on screens

[OhSoBored2]

My husband is a freelance worker, he gets his jobs by email, so he's always connected. And because he's a freelancer, there's no schedule, so he always works evenings and weekends. Of course, his flexible schedule allows him to do other things during the day when most people are working. So I'm ok with that, because I'm a freelancer too.

However, whenever we go on vacation, he has to take his laptop with him and he continues monitoring his emails and accepting jobs. At night, he takes out his computer and works, which always makes me feel bad. First of all, because I could be working and "compensating" for my vacation expenses too. And second of all, I don't know why. It just makes me feel sad.

He says that even on vacation, people don't spend 24/7 together. As long as we do activities during the day, there's no problem for him to work at night (if there's nothing else to do). Other people read books or watch TV, so why not being on the computer.

AIBU feeling down because he always takes his computer with him? What other couples do on vacation after a day of activities? (we have a young child, so not a "young" couple in love)

That would really annoy me too. Holidays are about spending time together and working on a computer is it the same as tv and books.

This would annoy me too, but he has a point if he is only taking it out in the evening when you are having downtime. After a day of activities and dinner together, I imagine most couples relax together but seperately reading or watching something on their tablet. He apparently relaxes by doing work, which is weird but doesn't effect you. Same as if he complained that you were reading a book he didn't like.

It's unrealistic to expect to spend the whole evening gazing in to each other's eyes (and tbh that sounds boring!).

Surely thats the nature of freelance work. If he didnt would he be missing out on work?

Its not like hes just dicking about on the internet or playing games

You need to have a firm conversation about boundaries. Most people, freelance or not, could work all evening or on holiday. But they choose not to because they set priorities and boundaries.

My dh is self employed. I am not but I work in a profession where it is the norm to work more than 9-5 as the work load is neverending. My dh does work evenings (after kuds’ bedtimes during the week). I also do on occasion, but it means I free up time to do the school run other days (dh does too). We don’t work at all on the weekends unless it’s an emergency and not on holiday (except emails and client support as needed - there’s no one else really to deal with that stuff but dh as he is his business). Sorting out a shipment that hasn’t turned up though takes 10 minutes. It’s not ‘working’ as in starting new projects or seeking new work.

Life is too short to be fixated on work all the time. He may lose money that could have been made, but there are other benefits that should be more important. Do you think he really can’t shut off? Or is he using it as a tactic to get off family life?

Anyway, I think a serious conversation about boundaries is in order. Set firm expectations- Monday to Thursday, working in the evening is okay. But the laptop goes away Friday at 5pm until Monday morning. Same with holidays, fine to check email once a day for 15 minutes to deal with an urgent client matters, otherwise out of office message is on and no new work.

Tough one. Reading between the lines here - you want to get a one way ticket to bang city and he's too busy on the laptop? Slip him 20mg of cialis two hours before dinner, tell him to do his duty, and then let him bash away on the laptop for as long as he likes. Everyone's a winner baby

Thank you all for the replies.
James, that was hilarious lol He never minds going to the bang city and it's true that after that I'm less annoyed.