Dreaming of a crush 15 years later

[Idreamed]

When I was at school I had a crush on a guy in my class for a couple of years. We were friends and shared a few classes. I had other boyfriends in this time but I always really liked this boy and if he had asked me out I would have said yes. I always felt that he liked me too but he was shy and introverted and I was never sure enough to push it.

My parents divorced and we moved away to the other side of the country in between school and sixth form. He came and visited me once, but I didn’t hear from him again after that. I always felt that our relationship was unfinished business and my biggest regret from that time of my life is that I didn’t speak to him properly about my feelings to see whether it could of gone anywhere. However, there was nothing I could do to change the circumstances and so I moved on.

Fast forward 15 years. I’m married with children. I have a happy life and no desire to change anything. But every so often I dream about this guy and dream that either there’s a situation where I have to choose between him and my husband, or where we just randomly meet and end up together. When I wake up I feel sad and lost, like I really did miss out on something important.

He doesn’t come up consciously, but seems to come up more and more unconsciously. I think if I knew either way what the deal was all that time ago, it might make a difference. But I don’t know why it’s still bothering me.

WIBU to message someone out of the blue to ask a question about what might have been so long ago? I know it would be. But then what can I do to get him out of my subconscious?

Of course YWBU to message this guy out of the blue asking him if he ever had feelings for you! How would you feel if your DH did something similar?

No good can come of it - he'll either declare his forever and undying love and you'll start to feel you have to choose between him and your DH (just imagine the hurt you could put your family through) or he was never interested and thinks it's a bit weird that you've gotten in touch - which would taint the nice memories you have of the friendship.

You're not the first grown woman to wonder "what if...?" about a teenage boyfriend or crush, plenty have gone on to ruin perfectly good marriages searching for answers - do you really want to be one of them?

Thanks Betsy I do know you’re right, I just don’t know why my subconscious keeps throwing it at me. Probably something underlying about that time in my life as it was a messy divorce, and it’s not about the guy at all.
And no, don’t want to wreck my marriage in the search for answers. I’m just not very good with unanswered questions

This isn't about some boy you sent to school with, you don't even know him as an adult, I would be looking at your relationship though, why are you dreaming of escape routes?

He’s the embodiment of everything you were going through so naturally you’ve invested him with a lot of significance. You need to recognise this is not about him in the least. Do you dream of him more when you’re craving stability?

In that film where there are emotions in heads represented by little characters there was a replay to a Brazilian helicopter pilot that happened every so often to calm the mother. Thinking about him is your equivalent. Don’t message - for obvious reasons

I used to really fancy someone at school. I am on his fb. Saw a pic of him the other day and I was just sitting to myself thinking what the hell was I thinking. He is well out of shape. Fat, big drinker, loads of kids by different women. Airs all his dirty laundry on facebook. Hes like someone off the Jeremy Kyle Show. He doesn't have a job. Where as my dh is career driven etc etc. How do you know you will even like him? People change so much since school. He is a stranger to you. Odd.

This sounds incredibly familiar..........

Is this you @Idreamed ???

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3556311-To-be-in-love-with-work-mate-whose-been-flirting-for-4-years?pg=1

This happened to me too, thought about him every day and still do, but he passed away so the ‘what if’ has always been so much harder to deal with. I’m going to echo what some others said and just leave it as your ‘fantasy’ if you go ahead and get in touch you could destroy his family as well as your own. The memories are always nicer than the reality. Would you feel the same if it turned out he wasn’t a nice person anymore? have a think about what is going on in your marriage to be turning your attention to exes, don’t throw it all away over a dream if it was meant to be you wouldn’t have lost touch and I’m saying this as understanding how you feel 100%

@alittlesnow - no that’s not me but I did read that post and it made me wonder about posting my own!

I will admit to a bit of social media stalking, but he’s not really active on it. Yes you are all right about how different we are as adults compared to when we were teens - I know how much I’ve changed so I’m sure he has too!

But then what can I do to get him out of my subconscious?

I think you are paying too much attention to your subconscious. If you must attribute value to your dreams then it's likely he just represents your youth and lack of responsibility.

I do this with past encounters - I think it’s part and parcel of my ASD.