To be false and lie to a friend

[Justforthis1]

I’ve name changes for this as my friend is on mn. So my friend began a relationship with someone who came straight out of a 12 year emotionally abusive relationship. Friend was / is laid back/ cool/ slow to move and new partner was intense, needy and keen to rush in. My friend discussed this with me , complained about the intensity and neediness and I was honest that I felt that unless feelings were mutual , the whole thing was unfair . My friend was essentially throwing crumbs that new partner was taking at any opportunity . I was honest and said I thought it was cruel and unfair . End of conversation. Friend Is still in relationship six months on , still picking and choosing when/ where to meet partner etc, still
Calling shots . New partner is still hanging
In there . So Friend , since I was straight up about how I didn’t like the way partner was being treated has tried to convince me that all is wonderful etc etc , despite the actions being completely to the contrary .not my business and I don’t discuss it at all. However , today my friend thanked me for being honest and truthful and how great things are and and how happy things are developing etc. I dont know how to respond. It’s bizarre but friend seems to be trying to convince me whereas this is none of my business and if I am to be truthful , I really don’t care that much . Any advice please ?

Just say you're happy for them and change the subject. She knows what your opinion was.

She is trying to convince you all is wonderful and you have to question why.
Her partner sounds like he is on the rebound. Your friend will have to decide how much she will tolerate.
In the meantime say no more about it and just be a friend. Sounds like she will need you.

I misunderstood your post, apologies.

You have said your piece so she knows your opinion. Say no more and maybe agree not to discuss it if it is only causing problems between you both.

But I am
Happy that my friend is happy if that doesn’t sound too weird ! I believe that my friends idea of happiness is this but I do know that It is all on friends terms and the poor partner is hanging in there at great sacrifice to their actual wants and needs so I think the whole thing is pants

Well it sounds like she is trying to convince you.
Either way, you have said your piece. Are there children involved? If not then I wouldn't broach the topic again. She knows your feelings on it all.

No children on either side luckily .

What words would you use to respond ?

Done want to wreck a friendship but don’t want any involvement in this mess either

Say something like 'Hope all goes well, we should meet for a coffee soon'.

You have done your part as a friend.

Are you hoping your friend will see this?

The exact opposite

You think it's pants, you call it a mess. You certainly don't sound like someone who doesn't care.

You sound like someone who cares very much indeed.

The question is why?

You’ve pretty much said it anyway here:
friend seems to be trying to convince me whereas this is none of my business and if I am to be truthful , I really don’t care that much
Hey friend. You seem to be trying to convince me about how good your relationship is. While I am glad you are happy, I really don’t feel it is any of my business and don’t want to discuss it further. Thanks. Hope you’re well.

What?? I must not have explained myself very well. I want absolutely nothing to do with this. I can’t stand people being treated like shit by people who claim to be caring and lovely and kind . That is all . I battle with lying about what I think. I’ve said my piece. Wish friend would let it go . Want to respond without being flaky

Cross post there. Thanks for advice @isadora

Why do you feel she is treating him like shit because she is taking it at her own place and not his?

So you feel your friend isn't being caring and kind to this man?

Friends partner is vulnerable and used to being treated like dirt . Friends partner is being contacted once a week at my friends whims and drops everything and runs. Friends partner was left literally on her own over birthday weekend / Christmas and majority of weekends so friend could engage in other friends/ hobbies/ concerts/ family events etc . Without partner . Partner is picked up and dropped as friend sees fit . Basically fitting in Whenever needed and shows up for the big occasion as needed... 30th party/ wedding/ sports awards etc

No my friend is being caring and kind when with partner but only when it suits amd nothing else happening

Do you know the man?
I get your concern but you can't control how someone behaves.

I stick by what I said, you have said your piece and so your friend knows how you feel. It should now be left as they are both adults.

Yes I do know of the man but not personally

Is your friend male and the dp female? not that its that relevant (but probably more common in this situation?).
just say "thats great, glad to hear its going well" then change the subject, they probably know they're not behaving very nicely to their dp and dont want you to think badly of them

No friend female and partner male . Feel like I’m not explaining myself very well tonight! Thanks

You can't do anymore than you have already done.

Ok
Thanks