Two invites max

[Mentalray]

AIBU to think if you want to meet up with an acquaintance for an afternoon coffee that you should not ask them more than twice in the period of a couple months (three times absolute max)?

And if they put you off each time with excuses you should probably not bother any more? (and this person is not a parent of 6 children or working FT)

There are no such laws.

YABU If you don't want to meet for coffee, tell them. Don't expect them to decipher the code your using to avoid telling them the truth.

I forgot to add I am the asker.

I figured you shouldn't keep asking people over and over again despite how friendly they seem?

There’s no rule. If you think they’re fobbing you off stop bothering, but I don’t think being busy twice in two months is totally unbelievable.

Why not ask again and if they say they are busy just say that the offer is there and if they are ever free and want to meet for a coffee to let you know.

Put the ball in their court. If they are fobbing you off then you will not hear from them, but if they are genuinely busy then they hopefully will reply with a day they can do.

Do they just say they are busy? I’m not sure I would keep asking unless they said oh I can’t do that day but I can do another specific day

Obviously there's no rule but yes I'd stop asking personally.

I have a mum friend who asks me every time the kids are off school to ‘let her know if I’m doing anything’, so I do and each time she’s either busy or she doesn’t bother replying I hate asking her because I know she won’t come but she gets all offended if I do something with somebody else and don’t ask her. Do you mean like that? Because yes it’s annoying and I understand why you don’t want to ask anymore.

@Mentalray

Hmmm yeah I do get you.

I would ask someone 2 or 3 times tops if they want to meet for coffee and to let me know when it's convenient for them, and if we can find a mutually convenient time. If they kept saying 'mmm, I will let you know' and never did, then I would take the hint - they want to remain on friendly terms, but don't want to 'socialise.'

To be honest, I have done this to people too (who I think are OK, but have no desire to socialise with.) EG, I have had someone say 'we will have to fix a time to go for a meal,' or sometimes they will say we should meet for a coffee or they try to get for a visit to our house or something.

If I don't want to, (and just want to remain on friendly terms but not to socialise with them,) I just say 'bit busy for a while sorry, will have to take a raincheck,' in the hope they stop asking. They normally do. As do I if someone does the same to me.

So yeah, I have had it done to me (been rebuffed,) and I have done it to others. Sometimes people just don't want to socialise. I have had occasions when people in my life (who I see fairly regularly,) keep pushing to come to my house, or for me to go there, or for us to go for a meal, and I don't want to, because I see them several times a months anyway (or more in a few cases.)

So I don't know why they want to go out to socialise (for a meal or to the pub or for a coffee!) I only do this with people I don't see very often, or people I really want to spend a lot of time with. (like my DH, my 3 best friends, and my kids and their partners.)

IME, if someone wants to socialise with you, they will fix up a time a place pretty sharpish. They won't keep putting you off. So if they DO keep putting you off; take the hint. And don't take it personally. They probably think you're OK and like you, but just don't want to socialise with you. Like me, they are probably very selective with who they spend their free time with.