AIBU to be in utter disbelief at this woman in on This Morning

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Name changed for this but am a regular poster. I don't normally watch This Morning because it's shit but I've got ironing that needs doing and I've finished Line of Duty.

This woman is trying to blame the fact that her son was hospitalised (with what sounds like severe sleep deprivation but apparently they still don't know what it was) because he was up all night playing fortnite, on fortnite. Her son apparently grew up with video games and had been playing with them since he was two. He was 9 at the time and had the Xbox moved into his room because she didn't like it being played constantly on the tv in the living room. The psychologist on with her was obviously politely trying to imply that maybe it wasn't Fornites fault but perhaps her inability to say no. Now I get that limiting screen time can sometimes be difficult but common that is ridiculous. DD would watch Peppa Pig non stop if she had her way and I didn't take responsibility as the adult and say no. A 9 year old in hospital because she couldn't say no? AIBU to be in utter disbelief at this woman's denial at being at fault? Did anyone else see this?

Actually @Provincialbelle I really hope my DS doest read this Fortnite actually needs a lot of imagination and thought. It’s not simply running about shooting. They have to build and do it quickly. It has a creative setting and they can make their own games. All you need to do is watch one of those mind numbing YouTubers all so bloody perpetually young and they can do some crazy things. I watch Ds sometimes and listen to their inane witterings while they play and they really have to think strategically. Where else would 9 year olds have to think creatively and strategically quickly. They also do funny dancing .

It’s all about moderation PP I agree my DS has limited time with strict Microsoft screen time restrictions, he is playing now as I work (ahem) as he was at football camp all day. Later we will walk the dog watch Tv the he will read a book before bed. Everything in moderation.

@polarpig definitely not playing that whilst DD is around 😂

Thank you for all your kind words (sarcastic) - yes I am that mother from This Morning who you all seem to want to slate. Can I start off by saying that I never have claimed to be the best parent in the world, but I'm a real parent. What you didn't see in the 12 minutes of screen time was the year of hell I went through with my son.
You are quick to find my personal Facebook page and share that and my blog, but take a read of the three posts that I had done talking about my experiances. I am also guessing thanks to someone sharing that link, that is where the death threats and the pleas for me to "Just kill yourself" have come from.

I agreed to go on This Morning not for the fame or fortune, because that is non existant (A free train, budget hotel for one night and a taxi), I went to share my story and was not told that I would be sharing my 12 minute slot allocated with someone else. My full story, and the story of my son was not fully shown, only the key bits which were made to be shocking and damning as a parent. They did not talk about the bullying at school, they did not go into the fact I had spent almost 12 weeks before that in hospital myself for Crohns and my son used it as an outlet to escape as he thought his mum was dying.

They did not talk about how I learned everything I can about the game so I could understand what was going on. That I decided to home school my son because of the bullying and the steps I had taken to remove his console. They did not talk about how I blamed myself for it and had no support network or family to talk to. They did not talk about the visits with our GP who understood gaming addiction and talked with us at length about it.

You can judge all you like. You can call me every name under the sun, you can threaten my life, you can tell me to kill myself and give my son up for fostering, you can make trolling comments on my blog and personal Facebook - I honestly do not care, but before you judge, get the whole story and what has happened since then as the incident with my son did happen over 18 months ago. Since then, due to my work experiance of teaching teenagers PSHE subjects and my background in gaming myself, I have now been partnered with Microsoft to help with their anti-bullying campaigns and information to give to parents who may not understand technology.

And if you are in the slightest bit interested, my son is now not addicted to fortnite or gaming, we have a very healthy relationship, his home schooling is going amazing and at 13 he plans to take his first two GCSEs in the new year, so the whole thing has actually worked out perfect for us.

Well done for turning things around Glad things worked out in the end. It's very easy to judge and willfully misunderstand things too!

Good for you acupcakemum, happy things have worked out for you and your son. And well done to him for his hard work. Keep your chin up x

I know but my point is the modern games are brain rotting activities involving no imagination. Old fashioned pastimes like chess or card games were not.
Just another posting to disagree with this. Some games are educational and a LOT of games have similar strategic components to chess or card games. Even those games which require little strategy or puzzle solving improve coordination and reflexes.

Obviously that isn't to say that children should be regularly playing games for hours per day, but nor are they 'brain-rotting'.

An exception are the pay-to-play stuff you get on mobile phones, which are designed solely to empty wallets.

@acupcakemum Good for you and well done to your son for turning it around and going on to do his GCSEs. I bet you’re very proud of him x

Thank you. I just was saddened to see other parents being so judgemental of something they did not fully understand. I had given my son trust and instructions of when to go to bed, it was not until many weeks later I realised he had not been going to sleep but waiting for me to fall asleep before going back on. Of course she I did find out there were restrictions put in place to stop it happening and the game which he was hooked on at the time was removed.
He was taken to hospital yes, because he was unresponsive and it did look as if he had a seizure while playing. I have seen epilepsy first hand and it looked like the same. He was actually diagnosed with mesenteric andinitus which is inflammation of the gut lining. I was told not to mention this as it was a mouthful and would more than likely go over people's heads. Even now when he has been well, we have had returned visits to the hospital due to this and it is now looking like he may have inflammation of his bowel (IBD) like me.
I have been on the internet a long time, people should be more supportive of each other, especially when we share our stories. Don't shoot down fellow mothers and parents for doing something wrong and for them admitting it.
Oh and as for my son playing computer games since he was 2, I was discussing VTech toys, kid laptops, learning games, interactive games for ABC on my laptop - not GTA!

Blimey. I didn’t see this, but from what you’ve said, YANBU

*How long before this thread is deleted as 'not being in the spirit'
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3 ... 2 ... 1 ...

He was actually diagnosed with mesenteric andinitus which is inflammation of the gut lining.

Mesenteric adenitis is inflammation of the lymph nodes that are located in the mesentery (the mesentery is the tissue that connects the intestines to the abdominal walls), not the gut lining. And actually having had mesenteric adenitis lowers the chance of IBD.

It’s a fairly common cause of abdominal pain in children and young people, and self resolves after a few days.

Also I’m glad your son’s addiction has resolved and he is doing much better in his studies now.

When I was a similar age I used to pretend to be asleep until my mum went to bed so
I could read until the early hours. If I’d had the internet or online gaming (or the PC with the original Sims in my room) I could easily imagine I’d have done similar for time on those.

Fortnite is rated a 12 anyway so the 9 year old shouldn't have been playing it.

YANBU

Easy parenting is shit parenting. Doing the best for our kids almost never means taking the easy route for a quiet life. She is a stupid woman.

acupcakemum - its a shame you didn't get more of an opportunity to talk about how you turned it around as a lot of parents struggle with this kind of problem.

I see regular thread about gaming and how to manage it.

It appears that the issue here, is in the media misreporting and presenting their own angle. That of a mother who let her 9 yr old stay up until 2am then blaimed the game.

That is because the media knows this buys our time and attention. It is less of a story to say I suffer with crohns and my child has intestinal difficulties that I am worried about as well. Or my child turned to gaming whilst I was in hospital and I had to help him break that cycle. The I refering to the mother involved and not me.

Gaming is the new reading for children, when I was a child I was hit with any book I dared to read and told to go outside. But some of these comments are similarly ignorant. Gaming is not brain rotting, it activates the brain and has shown to improve reflexes and problem solving. Yes it is monetised and can be addictive, so can alcohol and ciggaretes which also cause health issues, yet make the companies rich.

I could choose to play a game for 3 hours in the evening, or I could sit in front of the TV for the same amount of time, I could play a game on my phone or read whilst waiting for a bus or on the bus, it is no different. Except that the games makers effectively monetise the time I spend on their games.

Games like books can take you into other worlds, but they also are a social place for many, connections in the online world can be as beneficial as offline, when you are used to them. That said, many games are notorius for their toxic community, compare the posts of the world of warcraft forums to those on the FFXIV forums, the community is a world apart in terms of helpfulness post a complaint or achievement in WoW and you get negativity. Post a complaint on FFXIV and you get told sorry this happened to you but its not my experience.

As parents, just as we wouldn't give our 7 year old pornographic novels, we need to be aware of what we are giving them access to online, which includes the community. Fortnite can have in-game chat turned off, other games the gore can be replaced with other images. But other games are designed for adults. It is the difference betweeen allowing an older teen to have a drink with dinner, but not giving them free access to the liquor cabinet.

The issue is not with games being bad, it is appreciating that just because it is called a game does not mean it is for a child to play. The parents need to educate themselves, as the mother who is being slated here did.

She’s an idiot.

^^ didn’t read update in time as didn’t load quick enough. I take back comment. He shouldnt be playing it at 9 but I see your doing all you can. I would sue this morning for misrepresentation.

My DS has ASD and he was an utter nightmare on Fortnite, fortunately he's gone off it. He wouldn't come off the damn thing without an almighty battle.

However, the controller was removed and put in our bedroom overnight or else he'd be that kid, onto all bloody night. Yes he shouted at me and called me every name under the sun (he has no verbal filter) but we are the parents and we said, we don't trust you to self regulate overnight like your siblings could.

I work with young people and families.
Out of virtually every case load we have we can trace the problem back to the parents. Many have mental health issues, abuse their kids and all the other things you may expect in neglect cases but there is the other side if the coin where parents give their kids too much with no boundaries in place, like the mother on the television programme. There are parents that cant say ' no' to their child.
They ignore us when we tell them they need boundaries and consequences at five or six years old because there is no way you can let a child run free and then suddenly decide you dont like their behaviour at 13 and then try to introduce rules. It's just a recipe for disaster.

She is just a symptom of not being able to say no parenting, whether it is wanting to be their buddy or just want a bit of peace so allows them to do whatever I don't .know but as long as they can blame somebody else it is hunky dory. What happened to personal responsibility ?

Forgive me if I am wring but I thought Fortnite had only been out since July 2017. addicted 9yo -but yet now 13? or am I misreading the TVmum?

spectacularly missing point of thread

I judge parents who let their kids play these games anyway - it won't be popular, but I can't stand the waste of time in front of a screen. By all means, if you have a poorly child or are very sick yourself, that's a great way to keep them occupied. Otherwise, I judge.

That woman sounds like a plain idiot - what parent doesn't enforce some kind of bedtime routine. It doesn't matter if the kids are playing football outside, play games, read books, they need to sleep.

@acupcakemum I think a lot of people on here would resonate with you if given the full story (not the edited media version.)

Maybe you could message MNHQ and talk about doing a blog or article?

I do empathise with your struggles - my son threw himself into gaming after his dad died. DS was 13 then. I ended up imposing a wifi "curfew" from 10pm every night til the morning. (It's pretty easy to do this for each individual device as well, so if you want to still be able to access MN at midnight, you can, but be sure your DC aren't.)

I know but my point is the modern games are brain rotting activities involving no imagination. Old fashioned pastimes like chess or card games were not.

Simply not the case - my kids have played fortnite - they built towers, hid in hedges - the giggles from riding around in a shopping trolley were infectious. They learned teamwork, stranger danger, saving, bargaining skills - all sorts of stuff (mind you, they're not allowed in chat). The minecraft inventions my youngest has made are amazing, the stuff they get up to in lego worlds is hilarious. We've done adventure games together (the youngest can't read very well) and they love the problem solving and puzzles.

The oldest also plays chess, and we all play board/card games - whilst there's strategy, there's not exactly much room for free-thinking or creativity in those though (ignoring DS2's flagrant cheating). And reading a book is literally following someone else's narrative passively!

Not every game is brain rotting.

DS is into Minecraft (still). He wants to be an architect when he leaves school. He loves building and shows us his creations - and 'enthrals' us with which stone he used and why (arghh....).

But we try (and it is a try - it doesn't always happen) to get him to transfer this to paper. Have a chat about what he'd use on his building, since you can't gather diamonds or whatever you use in Minecraft in real life.

And after dinner is out in the garden time - just chucking a ball about. No PC between dinner and bed time. And the gadgets are in a cupboard in our bedroom. Because I'd read stories like @acupcakemum's about kids sneaking down to play on them when everyone was asleep - so in one tiny respect I'm ahead of potential problems like that (for now).

Glad your DS came out the other side. I'm going to show this to DS when he's home from school so he can see what too much of anything can do to you.

Good luck with your DS. ITV need a kick up the bum.