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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my friend being one CF ?

37 replies

bagpuss90 · 09/04/2019 22:27

Agh I seem to be getting wound up with people lately . I think I’ve got bloody good cause here . I run a small business and have a lot of cash flow problems at the minute . It happens -it’ll shake down. The friend in question is well aware of the cash flow situation. She doesn’t use the internet -she’s a total techno phobe. Now she’s asked me if I’d order her something online costing 300 quid. I said of course just give me your card details . Will shread them after. She said she doesn’t want her card used online -can I use mine ( seems thats okay tho) and she will write me a cheque. I said there’s no way with my cash flow problems I can be 300 quid short while I’m waiting for her cheque to clear. I won’t be able to meet my own bills. I said if she gave me the cash -id pay for it. She’s now accused me of not trusting her. It’s not a question of trust it’s a question of bloody cash flow .

OP posts:
Bluearsedfly36 · 09/04/2019 22:33

YANBU, can she not phone them and use her card that way? I totally understand where you're coming from OP.

pasturesgreen · 09/04/2019 22:36

Sorry, I can't help, you may want to see if someone else is able to?

BossyBanana · 09/04/2019 22:38

Have you explained to her that you physically don’t have £300 in your account?
So she would need to pay you the money before you are able to buy it.

I would just tell her you are happy to buy it but you can’t do it until the cheque has cleared, so it’ll take a few days.... if she wants it ordered sooner she’ll need to give you cash.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 09/04/2019 22:39

Just cash the cheque then order her thingy once it's cleared. If she doesn't want to wait, she can do a bank transfer or cash to you. She wants the thing, so she has to sort the money out for you.
Or tell her to phone them and pay over the phone for it.

LtJudyHopps · 09/04/2019 22:40

Tell her to get a paypal account if she doesn’t want to use her card online. Or get a credit card purely for online shopping. Would never order something for a friend to the tune of £300 without seeing the cash first!! £20 maybe!

Mygingercat · 09/04/2019 22:40

That’s ridiculous. If she doesn’t trust you to purchase the item after she’s given you the 300 then I wouldn’t trust her to give you the 300 once you’ve purchased it. Definitely a CF. If she can’t give you it beforehand I’d be concerned she didn’t have it to give you or was using you as an interest free loan till she was paid.

BlackSatinDancer · 09/04/2019 22:41

YANBU. Even if you didn't have cashflow problems I think it's very unreasonable of your friend to not want her card to be used yet it's okay for yours to be. In terms of the amount I would also expect to be paid in cash before I ordered the item.

Never lend money (which is essentially what you'd be doing) to someone unless you can afford to lose it.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 09/04/2019 22:43

Tell her to do it the other way around. She gives you a cheque, once it has cleared you'll order it.

caughtinanet · 09/04/2019 22:44

Not being able to buy stuff online is a consequence of being a techo-phobe, the solution is in her own hands, YANBU at all to say no.

As someone else said, order it after her cheque has cleared - or does she not trust you?

SandAndSea · 09/04/2019 22:47

I think her response is weird and would be a red flag for me. Surely a good friend wouldn't put you in this situation? I definitely wouldn't pay up front.

VimFuego101 · 09/04/2019 22:47

LOL, doesn't want to risk her own card but is happy to risk yours! I'd do it but I'd wait till her cheque cleared.

7salmonswimming · 09/04/2019 22:47

Talk about double standards Shock

AIBUtopickanyoldname · 09/04/2019 22:50

She might as well have told you straight that she has no intention of paying you back.

Don’t do it. Or be prepared to write that money off in a year’s time after you’ve posted 22 threads on here about her excuses for not paying you.

DelphiniumBlue · 09/04/2019 22:54

Yes I think red flag too.
Why does she want to give you a cheque ( which you have to then physically get to the bank and then wait for it to clear) rather than giving you cash, or arranging a bank transfer? Could it be because she has cash flow problems too?
It's a lot of money to ask someone to front. Don't do it, especially if she's trying to make you feel guilty.

Bringbackthestripes · 09/04/2019 22:56

Totally CF.
Just tell her “I can’t pay for it because I don’t have the cash-I’m skint”.
Although why she has gone on the defensive rather than readily agreeing and popping off to get the cash is a bit suspect.

Xiaoxiong · 09/04/2019 23:00

This sounds like a scam. I read somewhere that even when cheques clear there is some mechanism by which the money can be claimed back up to 2 days after you've had the money go into your account and it's already been spent. Tell your friend you physically don't have the money and I'd be distancing myself, frankly - she clearly doesn't care much about you if she's willing to put your finances at risk using your card online to protect hers!

SandAndSea · 09/04/2019 23:02

I can't understand someone being funny about this. I mean, if you're good enough friends to ask for money (effectively) surely you're good enough friends for the other person to say no with a very good reason? ... Unless you're a cf.

LuxLucetInTenebris · 09/04/2019 23:05

Just cos she's a technophobe doesn't prevent her from using her card online. You can show her how to do it- or even do it for her, but use her card. There's no need to use your card if her issue is not understanding online shopping.

Provincialbelle · 09/04/2019 23:05

She’s either a crook or a dishonest friend (same thing)

BumbleBeee69 · 09/04/2019 23:07

She sounds Shady as Fuck .. stick to a big fat NO Flowers

kateandme · 09/04/2019 23:07

tell her this isn't about trust this is about me having no money

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 09/04/2019 23:08

I don’t think she’s dishonest . I’ve known her ages. I just think she’s got a nerve

OP posts:
Acis · 09/04/2019 23:11

Tell her to grow up and learn how to order things online. The internet is not going to go away so she might as well get used to it.

PregnantSea · 09/04/2019 23:23

If you are willing to order stuff for her like a skivvy after she's been so rude, which would put me off, then why can't she just give you the cheque and then when it cashes you can order something for her?

If she doesn't like this idea just accuse her of not trusting you and then drop the matter.

And yes, she's being a CF.

Planetian · 09/04/2019 23:25

Ugh she sounds tedious - just use the bloody internet like a normal person you moron! Don’t indulge her nonesense OP. If she wants the benefits of internet shopping she should drag her arse into the 21st century.