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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Crappy birthday again

13 replies

silverdarkness · 09/04/2019 19:39

Hello,
I am feeling a little down. I might be being silly or maybe my feelings are valid. I am in my early thirties no living parents or close family. I have two good friends I work full time and have two kids( 10 & 12) go to the gym 3 times a week and am pretty busy with everything. I am also in a relationship and we live together. I am the one in my house that organises bdays and makes a fuss of everyone( days out, cake, presents and parties) bday. I understand as a mum and partner this is normal but I’m still a person and I never get a fraction back of what I give emotionally and in effort. My last 2 birthdays have been really rubbish. Myself and my partner aren’t in a great place and on the verge of breaking Up. We argued my last 2 birthdays and he was pretty horrible to me ( separate issue).My 2 friends haven’t bothered to spend time with me the last 2 birthdays or even get me a card. I even went away on one my friends bday weekends 2 months later to another city where she was made a huge fuss of. To be fair they always have good reasons to not see me on my bday( unwell, childcare, working) but it’s ALWAYS on my bday and they make time for others bdays when they say I’m their “ best friend”. Am I being silly? I just feel so unappreciated. :( I’m not asking for a lot, I am even happy to think of what to do. I simply want a bit of time and effort :( I mean it’s the same day every year and I give lots of notice ( 2 months) for people to make arrangements. But again this year both my friends are unable to see me on my bday ( 5 weeks away). One cancelled and one said she just can’t. So it’s looking like another’s crap one. I am not going to spend it with my partner and the kids are at school. It just hurts when everyone makes effort for nights out and other priorities. Just for the record I’m not talking expensive gestures. I was suggesting going for a breakfast (£6) or use of a nearby spa facilities in hotel( nearby place as a £12 deal on). I know I am capable of being alone but it’s ALWAYS like this :(

OP posts:
silverdarkness · 09/04/2019 19:42

And yes will do something with the kids after school but would like someone to make an efffort in the day for me.. not in mum mode

OP posts:
Marlena1 · 09/04/2019 19:45

I am so sorry this happened to you. That is vety unfair of your friends but you don't need to continue to make a fuss of them in future. Hopefully when your children are older they will give back a bit and you will feel more appreciated. I know it's not what you want to hear but could you do something nice for yourself, facial/nice meal? Happy birthday!Cake

septemberismyfavouritemonth · 09/04/2019 19:47

Happy Birthday, I'm sorry it's been so rubbish for you. Hope you can treat yourself to something you would like to do xx

optimisticpessimist01 · 09/04/2019 19:58

Don't make such a fuss of your friends if they don't reciprocate it with you.

Your children will appreciate the effort you put in for them when they're older and I guarantee when they're old enough, they'll put the same effort back in with you for your birthdays

Try and treat yourself to something, take yourself to a spa for the afternoon, go shopping, go sit in a coffee shop for a few hours with a book or laptop, or even just take a nice hot candle-lit bubble bath.

Happy birthday OP, it will get better I promise x

drinkygin · 09/04/2019 22:23

I’m sorry OP. I understand how crap this must feel? Not that it’s an excuse but do you think as you have a partner and kids, your friends haven’t realised that nobody else makes a fuss of you? How do you feel about explaining to them that you’ll be alone and your partner won’t bother doing anything nice?

silverdarkness · 09/04/2019 22:47

Hi,
Thanks for the replies everyone. My friends are already aware I have swallowed my pride and told them both how it’s upset me the last few years. I will do something nice alone but it’s not quite the same. I am normally pretty happy in my own company just would like some company for the day. Thanks for the advice

OP posts:
gamerchick · 09/04/2019 22:54

Why don't you have something quiet 'just for you selfish' time for this one. Just this one though.

Then over the next year just concentrate on the kids and ditch the friends. They aren't your friends. When our lives don't make us happy anymore it's time to open a new door or 2. There must be something you haven't done but would like to do? Learn a new skill or take up a new hobby? This brings you into contact with like minded people.

Is it time to start a new chapter in your life? Your kids are growing up, you don't have littlies anymore. Soon you'll get loads more time to yourself. Pour some of that caring attentive nature into yourself for the next year maybe?

Samind · 09/04/2019 23:09

Agree with posters saying have a treat time just for you. Sometimes you have to make a fuss of yourself. Sorry to hear it's been rubbish previously but happy birthday to you when it comes 🎂🍷🌷

Redskyandrainbows67 · 09/04/2019 23:14

You’ve asked them to take a day off work - that’s where you are going wrong not the cost

Send a breezy message asking them for dinner and drinks that eve instead. And go to spa day by yourself or with your partner

WearsABlackAndLongCoatWrong · 09/04/2019 23:16

Happy Birthday to you Wine Flowers Cake

Of course you're allowed to feel crap. It's rubbish!

Redskyandrainbows67 · 10/04/2019 08:32

I do really think it’s unreasonable to expect your friends to take the day off work to join you on your birthday - just book a dinner!

finn1020 · 10/04/2019 08:39

Is your birthday a week day when your friends normally work? And a day when you work?

ScabbyHorse · 10/04/2019 08:40

Oh do you want them to take the day off? Can't you do something on an evening? I normally wait til a weekend and go out for drinks and just do something with my ds on my actual birthday- no partner.

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