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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is she being a CF or just not thinking?

51 replies

Moaningmertyl · 09/04/2019 18:25

I'm due to give birth in just over two weeks, it's been a complicated pregnancy and I've had some health problems.

A member of the family keeps asking me to do things for them. They are seemingly oblivious to the fact I'm about to have a baby, am somewhat immobile plus have other DC at home to look after.

She has no children, no physical disabilities, is fit and well but does have mental health problems.

All within the last month or so shes asked me to go and clean her flat, paint her feature wall, run around collecting her photos from boots and now she wants me to go round tomorrow for a few hours to go through a load of paperwork for her and discuss her medical history (its all something to do with her wanting to apply for a higher rate of PIP)

The requests go back for months and there's always something she wants me to do for her.

She has offered money which I don't want, but it's not the point.

I dont know anything about the benefits system and have suggested she talk to somebody from her support team. She has a support network and doesn't need me to do these things for her, least of all the manual things at her home.

I'm ashamed to say I'm getting a bit annoyed with the requests and think she's being extremely cheeky putting things on me at this point.

Aibu? Prepared to be told I am.

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 09/04/2019 18:26

YANBU!

You certainly shouldn’t be bloody painting.

Lwmommy · 09/04/2019 18:26

Why do you keep saying yes?

pessimisticstateofperception · 09/04/2019 18:27

Do you do everything she asks?

If you keep saying yes, she will keep asking. Just tell her you can't and won't be able to help her again for the foreseeable future.

mbosnz · 09/04/2019 18:27

Why are you ashamed you're getting annoyed with the requests? In what way do you think you're being unreasonable?

Are there other members of the family who are not due to give birth in two weeks, with dc to look after, that you can point her at and shoot her in their direction?

LetsGroove2nite · 09/04/2019 18:27

Stop... saying... yes...

Marmalady75 · 09/04/2019 18:28

Just tell her you are too knackered growing a baby and that you won’t be able to help.

cranstonmanor · 09/04/2019 18:30

"I'm sorry, you'll have to ask someone else. The midwife told me to take more rest".

NeutralJanet · 09/04/2019 18:31

She's a CF. Direct her to Citizens Advice for help with her benefits claim. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Foodylicious · 09/04/2019 18:33

She may well just genuinely be really self centred and self absorbed and does not see the impact she has on others.

If this is the case, then you just need to tell her clearly that you eont be able to help do much now.
That you need rest, and that she will definitely need help from someone else when baby arrives.

Original poster
Moaningmertyl · 09/04/2019 18:37

I don't say yes, I've told her 'sorry no' each time she has asked me to do something.

Unfortunately it does little to deter her from asking for something else the following week.

I feel as though she uses her MH as an excuse to be lazy and dependent on people.

Coincidentally she managed just fine doing everything for herself before I lived locally.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 09/04/2019 18:38

Don't do anything for her at all. You have enough to do now - she should be helping you out.

AdamAntsCrackpotHistory · 09/04/2019 18:42

Oh please don't. I was in a similar position, someone kept asking me the same, 5and as bad as I felt I literally just said no... Especially as I knew she was more than capable. Cheeky fuckwittery at its best. YANBU at all. Look after YOU.

Original poster
Moaningmertyl · 09/04/2019 18:42

I don't feel as though I'm being unreasonable per say, but did wonder if perhaps I was being somewhat insensitive by getting annoyed with somebody who does have significant mental health problems.

I'm of the opinion that she's extremely self centred by nature, then I feel guilty for feeling that way and wonder whether it's the mental health diagnosis that makes her this way

OP posts:
adulthumanwolf · 09/04/2019 18:59

Wtf. Here you go:

"I'm very heavily pregnant and exhausted. I'm not able to help with anything else for the next few months at least. I'm going to be resting and staying off my phone from tomorrow. Take care."

InACheeseAndPickle · 09/04/2019 19:02

What are her mental health problems? It sounds as if she's just completely clueless - she has other people who can help her yet is asking someone totally inappropriate. You need to be very explicit. You're pregnant and can't help for anything for the forseeable future.

Original poster
Moaningmertyl · 09/04/2019 19:07

She has schizoaffective disorder, which I think is schizophrenia with bipolar symptoms?

She's got a great support network in mental health, and friends.

She's not physically disabled and is generally active (always out and about)

I struggle to understand what parts of her personality are just lazy and cheeky and what degree of it is a result of her mental health.

OP posts:
Heatherjayne1972 · 09/04/2019 19:10

It’s not about her tho op
It’s about you being pregnant and therefore unavailable to help at all - ever
It makes no difference whether it’s cheekiness or mh
You can’t help her because you are pregnant

Say no to everything. Put your phone on silent and ignore her

Drum2018 · 09/04/2019 19:12

You need to say a firm no - without reason and excuses - or just ignore any messages.

InACheeseAndPickle · 09/04/2019 19:15

She has schizoaffective disorder, which I think is schizophrenia with bipolar symptoms?

I would imagine this, in combination with the medication she is probably on is massively affecting her reasoning and social skills. I don't think you will be able to rely on her common sense and social etiquette to not ask a heavily pregnant woman with help for manual labour. I would be kind but firm - you're pregnant and busy with your children you can't help but you can ask XYZ on your team for help.

jay55 · 09/04/2019 19:19

Does she ever talk to you just because or is it always when she wants something?

redannie118 · 09/04/2019 19:26

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, and so we've agreed to take this down now.

Original poster
Moaningmertyl · 09/04/2019 19:33

It has certainly become the case that every time she sees me she has something she wants me to do for her, she can be sly about it such as inviting me for coffee then springing a load of technical jobs on me when I get there. Looking at the printer, setting up her devices or whatever.

I've definitely made it clear that I'm not the person to be asking as I'm very pregnant and have alot on, but she doesn't seem to grasp this for very long.

Although I know her diagnosis is a severe one she's perfectly capable of doing all of these things for herself, particularly the manual ones.

It's frustrating.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moaningmertyl · 09/04/2019 19:37

For context she goes on several holidays abroad per year so she's very self sufficient, but chooses what she can and can't do.

Flying to Greece is apparently no bother but setting up her own printer/phone/collecting her photographs from boots/painting her front room wall is.

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 09/04/2019 19:41

Utter CF, asking someone who is ready to pop to run errands and paint walls is beyond cunty. Tell her to away to fuck 😡

woolduvet · 09/04/2019 19:49

Arrange to meet her at a cafe then she can't spring jobs on you.
It doesn't really matter whether she's a cf or not, you can't help as you're currently pregnant and then will have two children to parent.
She needs to contact her team for help.