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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD? - DD going to boy's house

22 replies

notbloodylikely · 09/04/2019 15:28

DD is soon to be 14 and has asked if she can go over to a boy's house (her year at school). Not her boyfriend as far as I know, she is friendly with quite a few boys but no significant other.

I said okay, and then it transpires that she intends to spend time in his bedroom rather than sitting downstairs with the rest of his family.

So DH and I said no, we are not at all comfortable with that. We don't even know for sure if the parents would be there and don't know the parents.

We've suggested having the boy round here while her siblings go to family for dinner. No. Going to cinema/shopping. No.

Obviously we are the most unreasonable, over-protective parents in the whole world and EVERYONE is allowed to be in their bedrooms with boys, which I don't believe.

WWYD? I think because she's not interested in a physical relationship, she can't see that they might be. Equally don't want to be 'all boys just want sex'. She's in year 9 so some kids in her year are nearly 15 and she's not even 14 yet.

OP posts:

MaiaRindell · 09/04/2019 15:29

It wouldn't bother me at all, but I completely trust my dd.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/04/2019 15:34

Do you know the boy at all? TBH I dont think it would be that unusual to hang in a friends bedroom rather than in the family living room.

IncrediblySadToo · 09/04/2019 15:36

If you don’t even know whether his parents are going to be home or not, worrying about which room they’re going to be in seems a tad weird.

Kids don’t want to be ‘sitting downstairs with the family’ they want to be somewhere they can talk, listen to music, watch daft crap on screens or play computer games etc. Most houses don’t have an area for this so kids hang out in their bedrooms.

Most patents will insists on an open door policy.

However, they’re going to do what they’re going to do whether you like it or not. By 14 you should have had PLENTY of the ‘no means no’, not being talked into sex because otherwise he’ll drop you and sage sex conversations not to be in a panic about your DD having friends who are boys, but might be more.

If this was a friend who was a girl would you care if they were in her bedroom?!

HedgerowTree · 09/04/2019 15:39

I would let her to be honest as she’s been open and honest with you about what will happen/being in their bedroom. No one wants to sit and watch tv with the family. They want to talk or watch their own stuff or yes be in a relationship m/figure stuff out. Contact the parents, if they are in then fine.

Excited101 · 09/04/2019 15:44

Being a teenager is embarrassing enough without everyone assuming you’re having sex/wanting to have sex all the time. Give them a break!

agnurse · 09/04/2019 15:56

Nope. I would say no too.

PianoTuner567 · 09/04/2019 16:02

I can honestly say it wouldn’t occur to me to worry about this. Have you had talks with her about boys and sex?

Claw01 · 09/04/2019 16:10

My 15 year old son, has had school friends round, in his room and vice versa. 2 of his best friends are girls. I have texted their parents to arrange it and vice versa, so know parents are home.

Lolwhat · 09/04/2019 16:14

Really not a big deal, not fair to assume it’s sexual

Wallywobbles · 09/04/2019 16:16

I've said no to my DD14 going round to her boyfriends house. She's seems ok with it. I don't know the parents but the mum has done some dodgy things in the past concerning the girls at school.

multivac · 09/04/2019 16:18

Everyone needs to make their own decisions about this stuff - but do beware of making a big deal out of nothing. Our boys are in Y9, and both have girlfriends with whom they spend time behind a closed door (albeit one which can be, and is, opened randomly at any time). They also have sleepovers, much to the horror of some of our friends. We talk a lot about the physical side of their respective relationships, which is next to nonexistent in both cases at the moment. I want us to keep talking - and I don't think setting arbitrary rules about bedrooms is likely to help that.

HBStowe · 09/04/2019 16:31

I wouldn’t have a problem with this. If she was a lesbian would you refuse to let her hang out in her female friends’ bedrooms?

That said, you know better than us whether she’s sensible enough so if you have reason you believe she would do something stupid or dangerous then it’s different.

pelirocco123 · 09/04/2019 16:32

There is nothing wrong with setting boundries , she is your daughter and you have the right to protect her , from herself if no one else !

Its not about trust, teenagers are full of hormones they act without thinking , and they have the added pressure of fitting in with their peers .
Unfortunatley boys do put girls under pressure to have sex or they will frankly find a girl who will

She probably wont be happy about it , but tough

bobstersmum · 09/04/2019 16:42

I had a good boy friend at this age and spent time at his house and other friends houses and no one batted an eyelid he was just our friend.

TacoLover · 09/04/2019 16:44

I said okay, and then it transpires that she intends to spend time in his bedroom rather than sitting downstairs with the rest of his family.

Why would a 14 year old go to bed friend's house to sit with his family the whole timenobody does that

TORDEVAN · 09/04/2019 16:52

Why would a 14 year old go to best friend's house to sit with his family the whole time nobody does that

This.

f83mx · 09/04/2019 16:55

What taco said. They’re friends , doesn’t seem like she wants to shag him so you either believe her or you don’t. Assuming this would be a non issue if another female.

peachgreen · 09/04/2019 16:58

Crikey. Loads of my best friends at that age we're boys. One of them used to climb in my bedroom window in the morning rather than ring the bell. But they were friends, not my boyfriend. Neither of us were interested in anything happening.

My mum had an open door rule once I had a boyfriend. But not for friends.

fantasticdog · 09/04/2019 17:06

What’s the problem? ??!! This has made me laugh out loud

Maldives2006 · 09/04/2019 17:11

I assume you don’t have a son

optimisticpessimist01 · 09/04/2019 17:23

When I was 13/14 I had more friends who were boys than girls, I regularly used to go round to their houses with others or sometimes alone. I never once did anything in that way with a boy, and my parents and the boys parents were very trusting.

We used to sit on the bed together playing on the old PlayStation, playing games or whatever. There was nothing untoward about it at all. Trust your DD, she'll appreciate it when your older, telling her no will just annoy her

Kel801 · 09/04/2019 17:56

She’s 14, why on earth would they want to sit downstairs with the rest of his family? Would not worry me at all. If they are up to anything sexual they will be up to it anyway and any where you won’t stop it x

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