What to do? 9 years old

[whattershame]

My 9 year old son...

I really want to cuddle him one night and read a novel to him but he has stopped reading at home (for the last year) and he can't control his emotions. He also won't listen, focus or actually do anything I ask.

I get waves of uncontrollable anger, often directed at me at random times between 3pm and 10 pm from my son.

Often loud screaming and shouting at me. Occasionally it is violence directed at me and swearing he has learnt from school.

Although his teachers always assure me he is week behaved and does well at school. It is like something random can trigger it off which is not based in reality.

I am finding it is wearing me down.
His dad works huge hours so I am there at night with my younger son who just fits in and does not have issues controlling his emotions.

If it matters up until the age of 5 he was generally lovely but I think the odd waves of anger kicked off from 7 but now they seem more frequent.

What I found worked was:

1. Ensuring he exercised for at least an hour a day. He is very tall for his age and seems to be have had a massive growth spurt ?

Could this be hormones?

1. Less screen time (I am finding it hard with this as he wakes up and sneaks to a screen)

1. Getting him to sleep early (all has gone haywire since the clocks change which kind of freaks me out that he is super sensitive).

1. Love bombing him (although I don't want him to think I tolerate him being abusive).

However I am interested in others tips.

I am thinking of going to a gp but what do I say?

Oh no that’s awful. I have no advice but didn’t want to read and run but remember self care is important and to try and remember it isn’t personal sometimes kids play up. Oh and

Making sure he eats regularly, and gets enough sleep.

My ds is NEVER tired, and hates going to bed, but it can make such a difference to his behaviour

Just tell it like it is. Say you don't know what's causing it and that the violence and mood swings seem out of character for normal nine year old behaviour. They could refer him to CAMHS. The school can support you. It's harder if they don't see the behaviours but if you can get a meeting with the senco, he or she may be able to help out. I have issues like this with my youngest.

Thank you and what is Camhs?
I am thinking the gp? Could I ask for some kind of assessment?

The school senco has had dealings with my son as he had speech therapy but that has all seemed to finish.

Yes and I think food has gone haywire too (partly my health has been a bit dodgy) but mainly because I almost feel I need to prepare the food before he gets home from school to have a decent dinner as he kicks off when I would be prepping dinner and it goes on and on so yes I get the frozen pizza out a bit too much.

Actually he used to love cooking so that may be a way in to a calmer evening.
I feel so sad about it but I do feel I need help.

We as a family are a bit broke at the moment but we are normally so happy as a unit so happy really honestly apart from this. My husband is much better with him lately though because he probably isn't as worn down as I am but I am sure it isn't easy for my son only seeing his dad as weekends too.

I genuinely don't know what is causing the violence I know some of his friends at school have been exposed to violence thought and some risky behaviours:

I have tried to ask questions as to his behaviour from many teachers and others who interact with him and it is always oh no he is lovely, great student and not an issue before I can really get much out.

Sometimes I think he may try so hard at school that he comes home and goes off if that makes sense?

This sounds incredibly serious OP, especially as he’s getting bigger. Not sure why you posted in AIBU, you should post in behaviour & development, you might get more responses from people who have had your experiences. Sounds exhausting and stressful, best of luck.

Sometimes I think he may try so hard at school that he comes home and goes off if that makes sense?
they are under a lot of pressure at school, the things they are expected to learn can be so complicated and point less.

Can you take him somewhere after school to blow of some steam?

Thanks cranky17 and yes will step up efforts to get him out and about.

I do tend to do more of that when the weather is good.

Guess I posted here for traffic as being alone at night with the children but yes probably should have posted elsewhere.

Have figured out what camhs stands for now.

The school are good but I feel thinking about it that my son will fall down the list of any priorities as they have some much bigger issues with other children.

Anyhow I will just plug away for now and think again about the gp.

Thank you

Early days but I had a brilliant day and started reading a novel with my son.

I got him outside most of the day.

He saw some friends.

I made dinner at 4.45 pm so super early.

So lovely not to have any issues tonight.

I don’t think this will help with everything but maybe turn off the internet during the night so he can’t play on any screens, hide phones and iPads take the plug off the tv:Xbox. It might just help

Exercise!!!! Brilliant for calming stressed children, tires them out, gives an appetite, helps sleep. I used to take mine for a walk in the park every day (no matter what the weather) once I worked out that the days I didn’t do this were the difficult days!