Teenage bed time dramas AIBU?

[Shipley]

My son is 15, about to do his GCSEs and leave school. Typically he likes to hang out with his girlfriend and play PlayStation.

Every holidays off school, he thinks he has a right to stay up late. His school evening bedtime is 10.30pm. In the holidays we tell him to switch off around 11.30pm/midnight. He thinks this is unfair and claims his gamer friends tease him for it - I don't understand how their parents sleep undisturbed whilst their teen stays up so late?!

When he does settle down, he leaves his bedroom door open with light blaring out whilst he goes for a drink downstairs etc. He always forgets to not do this. I feel that he should not be staying up later than his parents particularly as he will want to chat on Mic or FaceTime.

But I used to sneakily stay up late watching TV so am I being a hypocrite?

He slept out Saturday, admitted he barely slept and then wanted another hour at midnight last night! I said no and it took a further 12 minutes for him to settle down after coming off his game. He woke at 10am and is now asleep with a headache which I suspect is linked to the bags under his eyes.

He's banned from the internet today because he swore whilst we tried to discuss this with him - forgetting himself as I expect he swears whilst on Mic with friends.

Obviously he's off to college and it's soon going to be time for me to step back in governing his time but am I BU doing so right now?

In theory, it seems us parents should be limiting game and phone time but it just seems none of his friends are restricted at all. I'm also very wary of pushing him into a rebellion as he's a good kid on the whole just a bit self centred!

My dd15 goes to bed basically when she's tired. Internet is off overnight so she can't use it but she can read or watch something she's downloaded. During school holidays she can often be up until 2 or 3am, but as long as she's quiet and doesn't wake us up its fine. I figure she's old enough to know her own body clock and learn from it if she stays up too late. She's always been a night owl anyway, since she was young. Perhaps let him start figuring his own bedtime as long as he's being quiet and courteous?

At that age ( and a fair bit younger) mine did as they pleased with regards to bedtime , how do they learn to self regulate if you don’t let them do it ? If the light / noise issue bothers you either shut your own door or make him bring drinks / snacks up earlier so that the kitchen is off limits .

So this is the last holiday before he actually starts his GCSE exams?
So should be doing a fair amount of revision?
If so, I think you are right to impose limits, as he doesn't seem able to do it himself.
Once exams are out of the way, things are a bit different, as long as his behaviour isn't having an impact on family life (waking others at night, being horrible because of tiredness etc).

I think you're being more than generous! My eldest DS is a year younger and on school nights his bedtime is 930, lights off at 10, otherwise it's 1030/11. He never complains and all devices/ phones are not allowed in his room overnight. He needs sleep. He's quite a 'cool' guy and part of the cooler crowd but he sees our reasoning and realises he needs to sleep ( he likes his sleep!).
When is he studying for his GCSEs if he's up all night / shattered the next day? You wouldn't want him to find out the hard way that college won't happen without results.

I think he's being a touch disrespectful, he's only 15, not 16/17, even then my niece is 17 and admits she finds it hard to self regulate social media and asks her parents to take her phone at night to allow her to study.

My 15 year old is allowed to do as he pleases in the holidays, as long as he doesn't wake anyone else. He has to get used to managing his own time.

I'm fairly strict during term time though

I'm sorry, but PPs saying that their kids self regulate by 15 or younger, I would not allow this. Teens need more sleep than adults do and I, for one, like some time to chill without DC as they have no TVs in bedrooms.

I have a no mic rule after 11pm. That works for us.

Your house, your rules. I used to stay up late watching TV as a teen too - but 'late' was until 11pm. Video games are highly addictive and have a negative effect young people's sleep cycles and mental health. YANBU.

My 15 year old has to hand all electronics in at 10.30 on a school night, but it's up to her when she actually goes to sleep as long as she doesn't wake me up after I've gone to bed, usually at 11.30ish.
At weekends and holidays she's allowed to keep her phone and laptop in her room all night, again as long as she doesn't keep us awake or can't function the next day.

We don't really have any problems; she seems to be able to manage it well.

I'm not surprised his friends are laughing at him

Are you usually so controlling eg took 12 minutes to settle down haven't you got anything better to do than stand outside his door with a stop watch ?

?

I wouldn't mind the staying up late as long as he's doing revising during other parts of the day, and his staying up late doesn't affect anyone else. He should to be both responsible and considerate.

If that's not happening, then it's a no.

plainspeaking that's nasty. The OP is a concerned parent. I'm pretty liberal but he's 15 , not 17, and he needs boundaries to enable him to study and pass GCSEs

He,s nearly 16. Mummy shouldn't be telling him when yo go to bed.stop treating him like a toddler!

My son is 14, 15 in August bedtime on school nights is 9pm holidays he can do as he pleases as long as quiet Etc but I'm very strict if there's exams going into year 11 Sept so I will be a bit firmer on run up to GCSE you only get 1 chance at them .

Charley exactly. I completely agree. He's not an adult. My DSs won't leave school until 18 ( Scotland so no 6th form college) and I'll be keeping tabs ( loose ones but still tabs) until then.

Charley with all due respect your child is only 14 , the ops kid must be turning sixteen shortly if he is on y11.completely different!