AIBU? Overreacting?

[Sprinkes101]

Hi all,

Looking for a bit of perspective.

I have been with my partner 1.5 years, currently live together.

2 weeks ago he came home quite drunk after a night out, me and my friend were sat in the living room having a catch up whilst sharing a bottle of wine. I escorted him up to bed as he was stumbling on his feet, and once upstairs asked me to go get said friend. His intention was 100% threesome and he has since admitted this.

He was apologetic and sheepish the next day, however my issue stems from the lack of sex life we have had in preceding months with him putting the issue on his part down to stress and overworking. I'm starting to believe it's me he doesn't want sex with, I've tried communicating the effect its having, however he tries for about 2 weeks, then the same patterns continue.

He informed me last week that he has recently took on a employee again, one who has previously slept (before our relationship) with that he knows I had concerns over in the past. The manager currently working for him he has had previous history with also, I think that's what screwing my judgement. 2 members of staff that he's slept with, one on multiple occasions.

Is it just my own insecurities playing up here or is this behaviour somewhat weird, I think my question is, would anyone else find it weird or wary? I have been insecure in the past, 100% admit this however I'm not sure if this 'niggling' feeling I currently have is normal or if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill?

You are working against his natural inclinations- he will never manage to behave the way you want him to.

And when you protest, he claims you are paranoid. You are not paranoid, you are seeing what he is like. If he didn't want to put your relationship in jeopardy, he wouldn't be employing people he already knows are available sexual partners for him.

Dump him! He already has your replacements lined up.

Before two weeks ago when he made the comment about my friend, he has never mentioned sex with anyone else, said that he wouldn't be interested and it's not something he would ever want us to pursue.

This is how I was wondering yesterday if I had blown something up over a daft drunken comment.

Re. the employee, this is still niggling me as I feel its a complete disregard to my feelings which he never consulted when hiring the employee again. But then again, a previous poster has said if I trust him, everyone needs a job?!

I'm not sure if its because the two issues have happened within the last 2 weeks, apart from these he has never actually given me a reason to distrust him.

The employee that currently manages his business who has slept with on multiple occasions was working there when we met, I understand he couldn't sack her. It's knowingly hiring someone he has been with that's got my back up.

He said last night he is sorry for calling me paranoid and insecure, and knows my feelings in this situation are viable.

Is he sincere or am I getting fobbed off?! Us splitting up would involve selling the house, either one of us giving up the dog (she is more like a child to me so this would absolutely destroy me) and moving back in with parents until the house is sorted. Luckily - the house is entirely in my name!

I think you’re getting fobbed off. 18 months in he should still be on his best behaviour but he calls you names when you stand up to his shitty treatment of you, won’t have sex with you and blames it on work stress? Sounds like too much hard work to me, you’ll always worry about that colleague he has history with. There are 1000s of people looking for work why did he have to hire her again?

Duchessgummybuns My thought exactly. Apparently due to a few staffing issues, she asked for her job back at the right time.

He said he completely understands why I am upset, tried to explain the 3some comment again on previous discussions we had regarding our friends being swingers, saying he know he doesn't satisfy me and thought in madness it would spruce it up.
Why would he assume introducing another woman into your bed would satisfy YOU? If it was about doing it for you, then why didn’t he invite a man into your bed? He’s full of shit and a misogynistic prick to boot, assuming that your friend would just do what he wanted.

Regarding the employee, he said that it was a one time thing and it never went any further, he likes her as a friend. They have sex, then she gets sacked later on. Is that because she didn’t want to continue the relationship and he got pissed off at not getting his way? Or did she think she was getting into a relationship then realised he just wanted someone to fuck? Is he hoping that she will now ‘owe’ him because he has rehired her? I’d be very very concerned about this.

He reiterated that he has never been faithful to anyone but me, and to him that's a testament to how much he loves me. Apparently never had the incline or notion to even entertain anything. Words are easy, but this is a man who obviously likes having sex, to the point he wanted someone else in your shared bed. It’s all about him, no matter what he says.

He actually asked me if anything was bugging me on Sunday which prompted me to bring these issues up what an utter gaslighting prick. He tries to get you into a threesome, but tries to make it seem as if YOU’RE over reacting to a perfectly ‘normal’ suggestion.

he apologised for then going on a rant about how I need to essentially move on or drop it. He admits he was out of order and completely embarrassed by his behaviour. he wants you to learn your place and not question him when he does/says something you don’t like. He’s not embarrassed, he’s angry.

He spoke about reducing the amount of businesses he had last night, two have been a bit up in the air and causing a huge amount of stress recently - he's hoping this will reduce his stress personally hoping to see an improvement with our sex life. Too stressed for sex, but up for a threesome. Yeah, right.

I'm not sure what I want just now, what I want to happen and where I want it to go. I do love him, he has many good points but I don't want to be treated like a mug. He’s already treating you like a mug and will continue to do so. As for the good points, even men who batter the fuck out of their wives/partners don’t behave like nasty fucks all the time, otherwise the women wouldn’t be on here making excuses for them.

Are you bi and do you fancy your friend.

If not that first part of the conversation is complete bull shit. He is insulting your intelligence.

If you start from his opening being lies then all the rest is too.

If you decide to stay with him use condoms and get checked regularly because he has never been faithful to anyone for more than 1.5 years (the length of your relationship) and is already looking for others to have sex with.

magoria In the past he knows I have experimented, however that I am not bi.

The employee was let go due to reliability issues, which have since been rectified in her personal life. His reasonings as to why she has been hired again, that and the staffing levels within the business.