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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask about your sex life post abortion

1 reply

unluckylo · 08/04/2019 12:22

I had a surgical abortion over six months ago, myself and dp weren't in a good position to have a child and it made the most practical sense, although very difficult.

The procedure itself and recovery went as smoothly as it could have but now we have a sexless relationship. Six months on and the thought of sex fills me with dread, I'm not intimate like I was because I'm terrified it'll lead on to sex, cuddling and kissing makes me uncomfortable, I can feel us drifting apart because he doesn't really understand what's going on in my head.

If he tries it on I get snappy because I feel frustrated at myself for being incapable of doing such a basic thing with someone I love. The few times it happens I'm so tense it's a mess and anxious afterwards. He's patient and understanding but I know also a bit hurt and I've had enough.

What the hell do I do. Please if you have any advice or have been in a similar situation, I just want to feel like myself again. The decision itself was heartbreaking and I regret not being able to carry on with it, but now I feel my relationship slipping away too

OP posts:
LittleGwyneth · 08/04/2019 12:38

It's really tough. I had a medical abortion just over a year ago and was terrified of getting pregnant again.

After a few weeks I decided that it was a bit like having a bad fall off a horse - either you never ride again or you make yourself do it. DH and I did things very slowly and gently after a big glass of wine, and it was surprisingly lovely.

I'd suggest using a condom as well as a hormonal contraceptive so that you don't have to worry at all - belt and braces and all that.

Also, sex doesn't have to mean penetration. You could start off by kissing, working through the bases - just like you do before you're fully sexually active as a teen. You don't have to do it all in one go, but you might find that bringing each other to orgasm makes you feel closer.

Six months post abortion isn't that long. Don't beat yourself up about it. And you might want to consider some therapy - Marie Stopes gives some free sessions I think.

Flowers you did the right thing for your circumstance and you should take comfort in that.

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