I have had a few bouts of depression in my adult life, and I thought I was now quite savvy with my mood, and sensitive to changes in it. I've been feeling rubbish for a little while but just put it down to high pressure job/course money worries usual stuff.
It's only in the last 2 weeks or so that I've started to wonder if it's more than just life pressures. It was crystalized for me the other day when it was a lovely day outside, I had no work to do or due, there was money in the bank and I asked myself what I wanted to do and realised that all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and pull the duvet over my head.
My husband is amazing, but when he sees me start to get tired he just steps up and does more of the tasks and lets me 'rest' which I think has been masking the fact that I've been getting worse.
Today I have made a telephone appt with my GP to go back on some medication that I was on a couple of years ago. I then idly looked up signs and symptoms of depression and could tick pretty much the whole list (although am not suicidal and don't have anxiety).
I actually feel pretty embarrassed about it, I work in mental health and would be probably quite quick to notice a change in someone else, but this has been creeping up on me since January I think.
I spoke to my husband about maybe going back on anti Ds and he was supportive but he did say "do you think you need to? You've been doing so well!" which I know he meant as a kind thing but sort of re inforces the idea that it's some kind of failing to need medicine, which I know rationally it isn't.
Why are we (I) so slow to notice these changes in ourselves?!