To have both weekend lie ins?

[Kungfupanda67]

We have 3 kids, age 6, 3 and 4 months. My husband works full time, leaves at 6.45 ish mon-fri, both older kids are up early, usually before 6 but very occasionally we’ll get really lucky and they might sleep until 6.15. Usually me and husband take it turns, one gets up on Saturday, one on Sunday - it’s not an organised thing, we don’t intentionally divide sleep and tally who has the hardest life, one of us just gets up. The baby sleeps until 7.30ish usually.

The past 2 weekends the baby hasn’t slept well through the night, has been up to feed more and not settling after feeds - I’m breastfeeding so do all night time stuff. 3 year old often gets up at night too, and I deal with him more often than husband does (he only gets up if I’m feeding the baby, when I have to wake him up to deal with 3yo).

Anyway, with my crap night’s sleep the past couple of weeks I’ve stayed in bed both weekend days - I’ve had to ask him to get up when it’s not his ‘turn’ because he doesn’t really know what goes on overnight so doesn’t know how tired I am.

I didn’t think he was bothered by this but he made a couple of comments yesterday about going 2 weekends without a lie in.

So, aibu?

No yanbu. I'd apologise and explain how badly baby is sleeping and say you'll give him a lie in as soon as you feel able to. You need it more than him.

Maybe nither of you are BU and you’re both just tired, he’s human so allowed to make an occasional comment when tired, he’s still giving you the lie in willingly isn’t he? He doesn’t see what you’ve been dealing with in the night and you don’t see if there’s anything extra at work he’s dealing with making him tired. Sounds like normal humans juggling children and jobs to me.

I think no you are not being unreasonable as long as you share lie ins when you aren't up in the night. I expect people will disagree with me though. Everyone functions better on sleep so I think you should share the pain of young children's poor sleep.

I'd have let him have the lie in and gone for a nap later in the day when he was up. He's got to function at work whilst you are at home and can do very little if you so choose.

Can he have an afternoon nap instead?

I definitely don’t think he’s being unreasonable, I just didn’t want to be taking the piss really. He willingly got up both times I asked and made me a coffee when he heard the baby get up. I just feel a bit bad that he’s not getting the luxury of a 7.30 lie in occasionally (when did 7.30 become a weekend lie in! )

Let him have a nap if he’s got up earlier.

He doesn’t like napping, and we’re usually out most of the day at the weekend - I’m days when we do stay at home I quite like a nap so I’d get up so he can stay in bed

On days, not I’m days*

I'd have let him have the lie in and gone for a nap later in the day when he was up. He's got to function at work whilst you are at home and can do very little if you so choose.

I don’t class being at home with 3 young kids as doing very little lol. He also, mainly, sleeps through the night, so if he went to bed at 10 would get between 7-8 hours sleep. This isn’t a case of not being able to function, it’s just a little luxury at the weekend.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. As long as he knows you have been up in the night then I'm sure he understands. It's awful having broken nights sleep. My LG is one now but still up in the night, admittedly it's not as bad as it once was though and if that is the case my OH gets up with her a 6 at the weekend so that I can sleep a little longer.

No I don't think either of you are BU at all, I think you're both just doing your best and it sounds like you have a great relationship.

That’s a really early work start for him, and you’ve also had tough luck with the two older ones being such early risers. Could you do what we do and let them come into your bed and watch TV so you can all have a snooze together- not sleeping exactly but at least dozing.
But YANBU to have had the lie-ins, sounds like you’ve just hit a particularly tough patch at the moment but he seems to be a good bloke who will step up, fair enough for him to have a little grumble.

YANBU

When we had this set up DH did all the breakfasts with the older DC 7 days a week. On work days he was up anyway and it was usually him that woke the house. On weekend days he fed himself and the DC and they all just dossed around till me and the baby were up and running.

Imho your problem is attempting to be out ALL day on both Saturday and Sunday as a family. I was usually tearing my hair to get out by the weekend, so I do understand that but it works much better if it is Sat or Sun and going forwards not the whole family including both parents - divide and conquer would give each of you some downtime either at home or outside. I also don't think it is fair to expect DC to be "contained" waiting for the off-duty parent to enjoy a long lie - scarred by childhood memories.

I used to get the weekend lie ins. Dh won’t wake even in a nuclear explosion. Dds are 7 and 9 now, if they’re ill through the night he wouldn’t know, the look on his face when I tell him.
YANBU

You're not unreasonable to need all the lie ins with a small baby! I would, if you feel up to it, let him go nap when the 3 year old naps (if the 3 year old still naps) so he gets to feel like he also gets extra sleep.

I'd also consider attempting to work on getting the kids to stay quiet in their rooms a little later. The 6 year old at least is definitely old enough to understand the concept that Mum and Dad need to sleep longer than 6am. Get a gro-clock for them and say they need to be quiet until it's green. Or alternatively you can buy cheap wall clocks, take the face off and colour in 7-8 green and 8-9 purple or something. Then have them work towards 'sleeping' til green, and eventually potentially 'sleeping' til purple. This really worked with my 5 year old!

Best of luck, these days are brutal but you're doing great.

Not BU, but I'd suggest you tell him that you really appreciated him doing that and you will try to give him at least one lie in.

It means he knows you aren't dismissing him/are thinking of his comfort as well as making it clear that you have asked because you have needed him to do this, not because you're resentful or overly demanding.

With that sort of early start every weekday, it's likely that he's going to wake up early anyway (I do, which really pisses me off when DP can sleep all day if left to it), but waking relatively naturally is nicer than being woken up every single day - as you know all too well.

Bit of give and take, consideration, that kind of thing, goes a long way - and is much better than a 5am snarling at one another that it's 'Your Turn!'.

@howabout we don’t go out every single weekend day, but we’re quite active people and prefer being out - we don’t do anything overly excited, but yesterday we went to the beach for a walk/bike ride for the kids, we went to the woods on Saturday for a couple of hours. The kids like being out and it makes for less housework, so unless it’s rubbish weather we generally like going out.

@damntheman we’ve tried everything to tackle the early rising, absolutely everything lol they have a groclock which is set to 6, so they can’t go downstairs until then. Until recently they’d come down on their own and the older one would get them both a banana and a drink, but they’ve started bickering (loudly) over what’s on the tele, what they’re playing with etc so at the moment we’re keeping them company 🤦‍♀️ We’re hoping to move soon so they have their own bedrooms and they can just stay in there until 6.30.

@MitziK he knows he’s very much appreciated (as do I) :) we do try and give and take, it’s why we don’t have a set ‘Saturday is your turn’ sort of routine. If he goes out one night I will always get up the next morning, if he knows I’ve had a crap day he’ll put the kids to bed etc

Ouch OP, you poor thing! Resolutely early risers are an absolute menace to handle, I've been impressively lucky with mine accepting the clock trick. All my sympathy! I hope the baby sleep at least improves right away.

Aww, @KungFuPanda67, the two of you sound lovely - and neither of you are being unreasonable - he'd quite like a lie in, so would you, as long as you both know it's not for want of trying, it'll be fine.

Nearly always rubbish weather where I am Kungfu. Actually lovely afternoon today but just back from the park and it was freezing.

I am counting down till my early riser heads off to Uni in September. Even at 18 she is practically incapable of getting up without waking everyone else for company. Doesn't help that her 2 younger sisters are owls.