AIBU? Appreciate any advice on the below please...xx
My OH & I have two kids under 4. We are together 7 years now. When we met first we both had busy careers, in the same industry which kind of brought us together. We fell madly in love and it was all very exciting, we even used to go on work trips to the same events etc.. he was (and still is) extremely hard working and v driven career-wise, and that’s one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. Fast forward a few years, 2 kids later, I’m a SAHM & my life revolves around my family and keeping house in order and also regularly looking after my elderly grandparents. My OH’s life has not changed v much since we met, he works as much, and travels abroad the same amount as he always did (approx 1/3 of the year away). He provides for us, and encouraged me to leave my job which I couldn’t manage to juggle with the kids while he was away so much and with his erratic work schedule (often gone weekends etc) I liked my job, but felt maybe life would be less chaotic and nicer for my kids if I stayed at home. It is better for my kids no doubt, but now I do 100% of the household chores/household management/childcare etc. with kids going to nursery in the mornings.
anyway, my post is really about my OH and AIBU to expect him to put us first and dedicate some time to us as a couple and family solely, for parts of the week, as currently he is ‘always on’ for work, always available when the phone rings or an email comes through, day or night 24/7/365. When out with kids at playground or out for lunch occasionally as a family he will usually take out his phone and start emailing etc or answering calls to clients/anyone work related about non urgent stuff. I have a lot of family stuff going on at the moment and finding it hard to cope with, and spoke to him about needing his support and that when he is here with me/us as a family he often is ‘here in body but not in mind’ and not really available to talk to properly. The other evening I was having a talk with him and was quite upset about family stuff, and then I looked over at him and notice he had taken out his phone to check Twitter which really hurt me.
He says he loves his job and it’s not really a job for him, but I feel it is a job and family is much more important. He says I’m the one with the problem so I should come up with solutions and write them down for him. I would rather go back to work and earn money for our family if I thought he would ease up a bit and be more available to us but I know he won’t and I end up running myself into the ground trying to keep all the balls juggling while nothing much changes in his life.
I really love him, our kids love him, I so want things to improve but don’t know how else to help. Don’t want to separate (coming from divorced parents really don’t want it for my kids) Any advice welcome thanks so much xxx