Am I being unreasonable to be wary?

[stucky]

Hi ladies,

I’ve started dating a really lovely guy. He’s very sweet and caring, incredibly supportive and we always have a lovely time when we are together.

We’ve only been dating for about 6 weeks. A friend of mine recently had an awful break up and came round to mine for dinner and subsequently tried it on. I had already talked about the guy I’m seeing and he was aware of the situation when he made a couple of advances that I promptly stopped and short after he left. I honestly think it was a case of seeking comfort in the wrong place.
In the spirit of openness I told the guy I’m dating, let’s call him Dave, what happened. To me it was a none event, we’ve been friends for 15 years and he was upset. I just wanted to ensure there was transparency between us.
Dave reacted in quite a strong way, stated that he didn’t like the idea of a friend of mine making a pass at me when he knew I was getting involved with someone else and felt that it was disrespectful to both him and I. He also said he didn’t like another of my friends who he’s never met and lives abroad because we communicate regularly and used to be involved. He said that he feels we are going somewhere and will be friendly to these guys if he meets them but if either of them makes another pass at me he’ll deal with it and can’t promise he won’t punch them. He said he’s not controlling, nor is he telling me what to do but he’s not comfortable with either one coming round (or staying in the case of my friend abroad), and is wary of how much we communicate.

We are still at the early stages of dating, we’ve agreed to not date others but we aren’t in a relationship either and I’m a little concerned at the level of jealous being exhibited already. He admitted to having jealousy issues after his ex cheated on him.
Yesterday we went shopping and he made a remark about some guys gawking at us and another guy in a supermarket.

It’s the only red flag, we talk for hours and I’m always laughing and smiling with him but those interactions have also made me wary. He is, for the most part, bubbly and friendly but every now and then I see anger underneath the surface.
He’s only ever lovely and affection to me, he’s incredibly sweet and calm almost all of the time. I just don’t like that side of him which I’ve seen infrequently but it is such early days?

Am i right to be wary?

but every now and then I see anger underneath the surface
That is a sign that you are right to be wary. I wouldn't go out with him.

Dave reacted in quite a strong way, stated that he didn’t like the idea of a friend of mine making a pass at me when he knew I was getting involved with someone else and felt that it was disrespectful to both him and I. He also said he didn’t like another of my friends who he’s never met and lives abroad because we communicate regularly and used to be involved. He said that he feels we are going somewhere and will be friendly to these guys if he meets them but if either of them makes another pass at me he’ll deal with it and can’t promise he won’t punch them. He said he’s not controlling, nor is he telling me what to do but he’s not comfortable with either one coming round (or staying in the case of my friend abroad), and is wary of how much we communicate.

*He admitted to having jealousy issues after his ex cheated on him.
Yesterday we went shopping and

he made a remark about some guys gawking at us and another guy in a supermarket.

So in six weeks you have seen 3 massive red flags about other men looking at you talking to you etc and he has pre warned you that he is jealous and is ok using physical violence to solve problems.

Is that clear enough for you stucky?

Oh sorry 4th red flag you have already seen anger under the surface!

Iv been with Dp for over 15 years and Iv only ever seen him feel anger (but not display angry behaviour) 2 possibly 3 times and always for very significant reasons. One example would be him seeing me be verbally abused by someone who was meant to love me another after I was mugged in the street.

Sounds like a wrong'un to me. Jealousy is super unattractive at best, dangerous and abusive at worst. It's tingled your senses enough to post on here, so trust yourself and get shot.

Dump him and walk away. This is a huge red flag. Let me tell you what will happen. You'll say bye felicity but phrase it better. He'll get real angry. It'll be your fault that you've broken up. It might even be the friends fault for making a pass and giving you ideas. He might stalk you a while if things get really bad, but he will probably try to embarrass you in some way, via social media. Because it's your fault. Never his. If you don't split, he'll isolate you, control who you can see and talk to and eventually turn violent. Look up The Freedom Programme and download some of their resources. You'll be surprised.
freedomprogramme.co.uk/index.php#sale1

I think any red flag , walk away.

Hey ladies,

Thanks so much for your replies. I recognise that my gut was telling me that something isn’t right, if it wasn’t i wouldn’t have needed to post ok here in the first place :)

It’s so awesome to have a space like this to garner clarity without judgement and so much support.

Thanks to everyone that posted, I do really appreciate every word and every shared experience.

Have an awesome week ladies x