To please ask for some quick advice.

[Bunnyfuller]

My brother is 49, mild learning difficulties, dyspraxia, dyslexia and ASD.

For the last 20 years he has lived with his partner and they’ve had 2 children together. Her name is not on the mortgage. The DC are 14 and 15.

Their relationship has never been good. He was stupid and didn’t use protection, which resulted in the first child. He was unfaithful and they virtually split up, but yes, he AGAIN got her pregnant. He has always felt a duty to stay with her and says he doesn’t want to hurt her.

She’s basically never got over the infidelity but they’ve stayed together. It’s got increasingly fraught with her lack of trust but unwillingness to split. She has no money and doesn’t work, or contribute to the house.

So for the last 6 months my brother has been determined to end it. But not had the balls or nous to go about it properly. They have communicated and the relationship is in tatters. He’s started chatting to some girl online.

So....he says he doesn’t want to hurt her and definitely doesnt want to make his dc homeless, and basically has buried his head in the sand. So today she found the chats on his phone, and packed his stuff and threw him out of his own house.

I don’t blame her, but on the other hand it is his house. I’ve found out recently they committed benefit fraud years ago, she was claiming as a single mum so they wrote a letter witnessed by a solicitors saying she was a lodger.

What a fucking mess. My parents enable him sticking his head in the sand (this is just the latest incident where he runs from his bad decision making).

I’m furious, with all of them, but really would be very grateful for any advice on his legal position and what he should do now (if mum and dad actually force him to instead of helping him not deal).

Thank you

She has contributed to the house, by bringing up his children.

P.s i agree though, what a mess. I will step aside and maybe somebody with legal knowledge can advise you.

Doesn't sound like you have a very high opinion of her. She's brought up the children. I hope she gets to stay in her home with the kids

The legal board is probably a better place for what you’re after but agree it’s a mess and also that she has contributed to the house by raising the children and I’ll bet she does his laundry and a bit more too

Tell your brother to see a solicitor.

And also to buy condoms.

OP regardless of your brothers legal position he is not going to turf out his ex and children. He will prob let them stay and he moves.
I’m not saying that is fair but tends to be the usual outcome. Later down the line your bro can sell after he has ensured they have a stable home elsewhere.

On another note your bro has caused this by constantly cheating. Very unfair on his ex!

How has she not contributed? She raised the children? Nursery/childcare doesn’t come for free you know!

That aside, would your brother take on the children full time? If not, it’s easier/better that she keeps the house whilst the kids are still kids. They can have a legal agreement written up saying that she’ll have to either buy the house outright or move out when the kids gets to 18/21

They aren't married. She isn't on the house deeds. She cannot evidence any financial contribution (which is irrelevent). She had no legal claim to any of his assets.

Also was this not posted a while ago? Sounds very familiar.

Good point! Are they married?

I’m not sure your brothers mild learning disabilities have any relevance.

I imagine she will be entitled to half the house , they are married and she has cared for the kids.

Plainspeaking knows what she's talking about. Listen to her, people.

The poor woman has brought up his children while he cheats on her and now he wants to make sure she and the kids get turfed out of "his" house? Is that right?
Unfortunately if they're not married she's in a vulnerable position, hopefully she is getting some good advice about maintenance and stuff.

She's a partner, not a wife.

Legally she probably has no claim to the house. Will depend on what he’s said to her over the years though. The lodger document is helpful to him in that. Any pursuit of him puts her potentially at risk of a massive DWP overpayment and even a prosecution if they found out.

Morally he needs to provide a stable home for the children and should also recognise the fact that her domestic labour has subsidised him - allowed him to go out to work/saved him childcare/cleaner costs etc.

I think I would tell him what I thought his moral obligations were but otherwise not get too involved.

No witch, my first post on this.

She did raise the kids, yes, completely agree, and yes he has brought it on himself. He seems incapable of anticipating consequences, or of dealing with them.

The issue is the house though. A couple of years ago he had a stroke, and has got over it but he was to,d to ramp it back a bit (he works full time plus has a disco which he works 2-3 times a week). She’s point blank refused to get even a part time job, she’s never cooked for him and he does all the school runs/washing/cleaning etc. She kicked him out of their bedroom after the second child was born. She had an old child from a previous relationship who he raised as his own and has helped through university. I wish he had just had them balls to end it sooner, but she scared him rigid by saying he would never see the kids if he split with her. His LD etc means he genuinely believes stuff like this.

Ugh, it’s vile.

He’s treated her really badly. Gets her pregnant, fails to make her financially secure by marrying her or at least putting her name on the deeds of their home, cheats on her, making their relationship insecure, again fails to make her financially secure, gets her pregnant again, fails again to make her financially secure, engages in cheating behaviour via texts!

@Bunnyfuller are they married? @Plainspeaking is correct but let’s be honest is he really going to ask them all to leave the house. It will take a lot of time before he expects his children to leave their family home. They have prob lived there for 15+ years. Also I don’t think it will go dish well with kids, dad constantly cheats then kicks us out of family home.

He’s adamant he doesn’t want to make his children homeless, but as it is he works 2 jobs to keep them all afloat so literally has nothing else to maintain a separate household.

@Bunnyfuller OP they sound equally responsible for this mess. Give it some time and hopefully the house can be sold, he can downsize and ex can move into a flat where he will need to support them with.

I think this is one of these situations where the difference between his legal and moral obligations is huge.

They are not married

@Bunnyfuller if he can’t afford elsewhere or stay with your parents then tell him to go home and live separate, CIVIL lives. It is still his home.

This is a mess that your brother needs to deal with. The partner should get a job her kids aren't babies, what does she do all day if he does all the family / home stuff? His behaviour hasn't been good but it sounds as if she's took advantage of him too.