About DD’s friend?

[Puddingmama2017]

Honesty and helpful hints needed please!

DD has a friend (both are 10) round today and we all went to the park with some friends of ours and their children who she’d never met. Game set up and started to be played with us adults overseeing. I was distracted by my son with additional needs and turn around to find DD’s friend chasing one of my friends children with a bat threatening to hit them. I obviously told her that was unacceptable and told her I’d contact her father if she continued.

After this she was rude, sulky and backchatty for the remainder of her visit. She really struggled with sharing and not getting her way. She was meant to be visiting tomorrow but I’m not sure I want her to. My child was quite shocked by her friend too. I only kept her for the rest of the afternoon because my daughter is going through a lot herself right now and would have been so upset if I’d returned her early.

So how do I deal with the situation? Let her parents know? Dodge it? Or let her come again and try and manage any issues?

Anyone?

Talk to her parents about her behaviour.

I'd mention it to parents - I'd probably still have her tomorrow too though if I was childcare while they worked. If not, I'd probably say best leave it a few weeks.

Cancel tomorrow and tell friend’s DF why. I would want to know if my DC had been rude to an adult.

Otherwise you’re sending a message to your DD that bad behaviour has no consequences.

I'd ask the parents if there's any reason she might struggle to play nicely and why she was rude.

If you get a shrug and daft excuses then I'd not have her back. If there's valid reasons then I'd try to persevere a little more.

turn around to find DD’s friend chasing one of my friends children with a bat threatening to hit them. I obviously told her that was unacceptable and told her I’d contact her father if she continued.

Why was she? What was said or done? We need context.

Let her parents know? Yes - but you do need context.

Talk to her parents! Let them talk to her and that might be enough for her behaviour to change! You can't write her off after one bad afternoon!

It would have been best to take her straight home. After all she was coming again tomorrow so your dd would have had time with her again. Sometimes you have to act in the long term best interest.

I think cancelling would be good. You told her you would tell her father if she didn’t stop. She stopped but behaved badly after so I’d be talking him now. Perhaps she’s going through something if this isn’t typical. Perhaps the other kid said something pretty awful to her. Children can be extremely unkind. Did you find out what was said?

I would definitely speak to her parents about her behaviour. Not sure what to advise about tomorrow. I guess it’ll depend on her parents (if she was my child I’d be thinking twice about letting her go after such poor behaviour today!) however how does your daughter feel about It? If you do still want her to come over I’d make it clear that she’ll be taken home at the first sign of bad behaviour. You don’t need it & neither does your daughter if she’s had a tough time recently

Context, it was a disagreement over turns. She wanted more of a turn that she had already had. She agreed with the child that she had been chasing that this was true, and her attitude was that her reaction was justified and she didn’t think much of me stopping her.

I would have taken her home, but I was on foot, with her, my daughter, my son with additional needs and my younger daughter. I didn’t feel I could extract them all from the situation without difficulty if she kicked off at being taken home.

She came across as very rude and entitled, no pleases, thank you’s etc. Just really unpleasant. I feel quite unsettled because I’ve taken a dislike to a child before.

*never that should be

It won’t be the last time you dislike a child OP, I know what you mean but they are people too and some we like more than others.

I wouldn’t have her back - I’d say that she didn’t enjoy her visit or the group situation and it would be best for all concerned to leave the play date alone for now

Is this the first time she's been to play at yours? I assume you've never seen this before and your DD clearly never mentioned she was like this at school.

I'm sure it's too late now, but I think you should talk to the parents, say she seemed wound up and struggled with turn taking which you haven't seen before?

It was the first time yes. DD said this was not something she’d seen before.

I’m just not sure how to bring it up to her parents

Kids do fight as they are trying to figure out their emotions. Lots of kids hit each other with stuff. How this pans out depends on how bigger deal you make of it.

Having had 4 children and all that entails ‘Bitch’, I can safely say that until today I’d yet to deal with threats to batter someone.

Had it been a troll like you though, I might just have let her do it.

I’d ask DD how she feels
I’d say to the rents “I’m worried about your DD she was doing X is that usual for her”
If they are defensive or don’t give a shit then don’t bother again

"Having had 4 children and all that entails ‘Bitch’, I can safely say that until today I’d yet to deal with threats to batter someone.

Had it been a troll like you though, I might just have let her do it."

Saying something you don't agree with doesn't make someone a troll btw.

Coming over two days in a row might have been a bit much anyway.

I would say to the parents that she didn’t seem that happy having to share etc so you’ll have to give tomorrow a miss.