Mother controlling my career

[tousenscene]

Hi everyone,

I’m a singer and am 22 years old. I have a Facebook page with over 55,000 followers that my DM set up when I was 13 years old, and she is the admin of it. Being 22 years old, working full time on a good salary, living abroad and engaged, I feel I am mature enough now to take over ownership of my music page. I appreciate the hard work my DM put into the page when I was younger, however I am getting frustrated on logging onto my Facebook page and seeing there is a post on my ‘music page’ with photos that I sent DM privately (nothing bad just about what I’m up to) and signing off with ‘tousenscene’ making it look like I am the writer of these posts. Which I am not and my mums writing style is very childish therefore people wouldn’t look twice at my page. I desperately want to advance my career now and make something of myself however my DM simply won’t let me. Anytime I ask her to let me manage the page she either ignores me or gets angry and doesn’t want to talk about it. I thought about starting my own page however 55,000 followers is a big number and it would take a long time to get that kind of following again. AIBU and ungrateful to my DM for wanting to be involved in MY career? Social media is now many singers gateway to a career, and I feel like my mum has put a huge roadblock in my way.

Could you create a new page then post to the old group giving the new link?

Have you tried contacting Facebook? It may count as impersonating you which is against their terms of service

ZigZag no, there’s no way for outsiders to post on the page that DM has created therefore I couldn’t do that.

YANBU. It's your career, you are an adult. So of course you should control it. She is being totally unreasonable. Take control OP.

Her reactions to you asking for the page aren't normal, and I get the feeling she's holding onto the page to try and feel needed in your life.

If she won't engage with you then you'll have to set up another page and let your fans know by linking it on twitter / Instagram etc. I would also put a comment in the bio to say this is the official page, and post frequently to encourage more people to share and interact with the new page. Perhaps think of it as a rebrand, rather than having to start all over again.

Stop sending material to your mother for her to share. Start a new Facebook page or instagram account and post the link to your old page. She sounds like a control freak. You should stop telling her what you're up to from now on. The less she knows about you the less she can post on her page.

YANBU, it sounds ridiculous that you DM controls a page about your work like that! It seems that she can't let go. I'm sorry I don't have any advice apart from ask Facebook.

Can’t you borrow her PC and reset the password etc then take control that way?

My issue is, the page my mother set up has the ‘blue tick’ thingy that some accounts get, meaning that any other page I set up won’t be taken seriously next to the ‘blue tick’ account.

I can't say i've ever noticed a blue tick on an account. Your new page will be taken seriously as you'll be posting and giving updates to people, so overtime it will be seen as the page to go to, especially if linked via other social media accounts.

"Hi mum I'd like control of my page now, thanks so much for all you've done."

How would she respond?

I second contacting Facebook and asking them to give you control of the page. They should be able to compare your name/photos from your personal page.

HarrysOwl because we live in separate countries I either have to call or message her, if I call her she gets angry and puts the phone down, if I message, she ignores it.

Report her to Facebook so you don’t lose the followers then once you have control, block her from accessing the page. Fab take it quite seriously if they think that someone is impersonating a user.

Oh Facebook will totally help you with this - you can report her for using your name and refusing to hand control to you. As a warning they way want yo shut down the page.

Alternatively do you have access to your mum's IT. Could you log in one day when she's not aroundcamd just transfer admin control. I suspect it comes from a good place in your mother and other wanting to feel involved with you, but if it's unwanted by you and preventing you earning it's controlling and manipulative. I'm guessing you've asked her for control?

Firstly speak to your DM, seriously.

'Mum I would like control of my FB page' (ask her in front of a sensible witness, such as another family member)

If she says no...

'DM, if you continue to refuse to give me full control I will be taking it further with FB, and even get a lawyer if I need to'

If she still says no....

'Contact FB with proof of who you are, explain your DM set this up when you were a minor and she no longer has your permission to run the account'

If they do not co-operate (I'm sure they will though)

Then contact a lawyer and issue your DM & FB with a lawyers letter demanding control of the account.

Good luck OP, its bonkers and completely weird that she still thinks she can control this account.

If your good 50k is easy to get...
Just set up an account, and link it all together.

If you have a Twitter account post the new FB page. Also contact FB see if they can help with the blue tick.

Don't start a new page - FB deal with this all the time, raise a support request to take it over.

If it's your page FB will help and won't want someone who isn't you posting under a blue tick account. They'll either close her page or transfer ownership