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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my sister and her dh to pay back money they owe before they sod off on hols

32 replies

jamDOHnut · 12/07/2007 23:16

Several weeks ago BIL asked dh to get him some car bits using dh's discount , dh did and it came to about £50. Whern BIL came to collect he had no money but would drop it in. The other night my sister rang me to ask if i could lend her some money as she was going to see Rod Stewart with her pal and couldnt go to the bank at lunchtime as she had to drive to her other friends house to fetch 4 free tickets which she was giving to another friend. She popped in and I told her I could only find £25 but it was ds's and he didnt know but would realise very soon as he'd saved up for a drum and now had enough. She was to drop the money in yesterday. dh had to chase BIL also and he said sis had his card and would bring money. In a couple of hours they go to South of |France for a few weeks and no sign of money

OP posts:
jura · 12/07/2007 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jennythepenguin · 12/07/2007 23:25

Of course you are not being unreasonable.
But you do need to tell them, calmly and clearly, that you need the money now, before they go on holiday.
With a couple of hours to go until their holiday, it sounds as if you have left it too late to have that calm, clear conversation.
If so, perhaps it's better to remind them of what they owe, and make it clear that you need repayment within a couple of days of their return.

elkiedee · 12/07/2007 23:50

No you're not being unreasonable but I wouldn't lend them any money again if they're that careless about sorting out debts.

Original poster
jamDOHnut · 12/07/2007 23:56

its too late now but i expect she will telephone me tomorrow en route to france to say "i forgot to ask you to feed the bunnies, there's a key under the mat/in hte basket/with a neighbour"

this is what happened at xmas only that time she didnt buy the children the presents she told them she was buying... still hasnt actually. She kept away for 3 months after that.

OP posts:
maisemor · 13/07/2007 11:53

YANBU.

Just unplug the phone so she has no way of getting in contact with you or leaving you that kind of message.

She can call your parents or his parents/siblings and get them to help out .

If they kick up a fuss on their return, you can always ask them to explain to your son why his money was not returned to him.

JammyPotter · 13/07/2007 17:05

good idea re: phone pulling out

our parents are dead though so i fear they wont help either, his parents live in the arse end of cornwall and are about 150.

TiredFedUpNanny · 13/07/2007 19:20

You are OT being unreasonable.

My mum was in dire straights early in 2004, cause my gran and granddad both lived with her and my granddad had just died leaving hefty funeral costs and less contribution towards the bills. My mum got a very threatening final demand letter from capital one and owed nearly £3000. They were going to send in bailifs, the lot. I got upset cause I'd had all this early in my life when my dad and mum split up and mum was hard up cause she was studying to become a teacher. Anyway, my husband and I had some stocks and shares and had no mortgage on our house, so I begged him to lend her the money and she said she would pay back 100-200 a month, which would have seen it paid off within about 2 and a half years. No interest, nothing, just kindness!

Anyway, 3 and a half years later, she has paid back much less than half because she always has an excuse. She has, however, found the money to buy one of these timeshare things where you can stay in certain hotels for a few weeks a year; she buys nice clothes and jewellery etc. She goes on other holidays lots. Her teaching salary was good back then but she has now gone through the threshold and is on about 35000 a year. That and because my nan lives there, she has no car to pay for, discounted rates, nan buys the food, us 3 kids have left home now. It's ridiculous. I was a student back then and am about to become one again; I was very ill last year, but apparently her conscience just will not prevail. So I have a lot of sympathy. We could really do with that other 2k right now as we are having to remortgage to do some work to the house before having a family of our own. Some people, like my mum, will always be like this though.

TiredFedUpNanny · 13/07/2007 19:23

Just realised I have taken this thread a bit OT. I saw lending of money and holidays in one OP and my head nearly exploded, LOL.

JammyPotter · 13/07/2007 19:30

tiredfedupnanny what a shame. your poor mum

my few pounds is nothing by comparison

apart from the fact that we have no money either

LazyLineLegilimens · 13/07/2007 19:35

The amount is not the point. The lack of respect is. Do not lend them money again and call them every single day asking where the money is. They can bank transfer you the money from France.

callmeovercautious · 13/07/2007 19:38

I have just stopped lending them money! Call and ask for it now. Do it now or you never will. [bossy emoticon!]
My Sis and her DH owe us hundreds from various small "loans" over the years. It drives me mad because she is always crying poor yet is always spending money. She bought a new mobile for £150 last week yet couldn't pay her landline bill.

HelenLoveJoyOfSpringfield · 13/07/2007 19:40

I would remind her asap about the money owed, as in my experience, people who borrow money & forget things often purposely forget about money borrowed!

Don't be gentle about it, but ask her outright when she is planning on paying the money back!

duchesse · 13/07/2007 19:44

I could have written this, except that my sister "borrowed" £2000 without my permission and is now waxing lyrical about her upcoming hols in Corsica when we cannot afford to go as I now have to earn another £2000 (am self-employed) to pay my daughter's school fees in September. My sister is a cow. There's no other explanation.

JammyPotter · 13/07/2007 19:45

sorry that should hgave been not am getting msn and mn mixed up

TiredFedUpNanny · 13/07/2007 19:47

My poor mum? LOL I wish I had the guts to just get cross with her. But the funny thing is, if she say buys us something so we have to pay her back, she will go on and on and on about it, reminding us every day!

tribpot · 13/07/2007 19:48

On an evil note, you could withhold care of the bunnies unless they send the money but that would be quite mad I have to say, there is no way I would lend ds' money to an unreliable sibling but (a) that's by the by since it's done and (b) ds is two, so doesn't tend to be piling the cash up anyway.

I would just be totally matter-of-fact, "hi, we need to sort out when you're going to repay the money you owe because we need it fairly urgently, what's the plan?"

haychee · 13/07/2007 19:59

If it was my sister, there is no way id be peed off. Its swings and roundabouts in my family were always borrowing from one another, the difference is though that we do tend to give things back around about the time we said we would. If she was going on hols (and i know she doesnt gat many) i would wait until she got back so that she had more money to enjoy her hols.
But have listened to your comments about your sis and she sounds like shes extracting the urine out of you and dh.

JammyPotter · 14/07/2007 00:24

dorry thta should have read "poor you re: your mum"

crikey i should have stayed in bed today ive got everything wrong

KerryMumbledore · 14/07/2007 00:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Leati · 14/07/2007 00:35

Chances are you sister and her hubby, are really casual about money and don't realize it is important to you to get that money back. If she can afford to see Rod Steward and go to the South of France for a few weeks, I am going to guess that they probably don't think the money is a big deal.

That being said, it doesn't make it right. Just call her up and tell her you really need the money before she goes, but I wouldn't be to mad.

JammyPotter · 14/07/2007 00:43

we admit we are fools . At xmas bil also asked dh to get him a couple of cases of wine which he has never paid for either. Obviously I wouldnt offer but when asked it is actually quite hard to say no

JammyPotter · 14/07/2007 00:44

her pal's dh is something in the music industry and got the tickets for free

Leati · 14/07/2007 00:49

Saying no is the hardest. My aunt went through a nasty divorce and asked to borrow $1500 ...here we are three years later and we have never seen a penny. She has gotten her money...but us nothing. Does make me mad.

charleymouse · 14/07/2007 01:21

YANBU
If you get the call re looking after the house/pets and they have left a key take some posesssions to a pawn shop to get your money back. Or is that a bit extreme? This sort of thing really annoys me to.

Leati · 14/07/2007 01:24

charleymouse
your too funny

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