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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else feel invisible?

17 replies

doodlejump1980 · 06/04/2019 16:53

I’m doing a completely unscientific survey and seeing how long it takes for my friends to contact me out the blue. One friend it’s currently at 6 Dec... does anyone else feel like this - in the fog of pre-schoolers that they’re doing all the leg-work or am I over-thinking it? Meh.

OP posts:
polarpig · 06/04/2019 19:07

Why aren't you contacting them? If I hadn't heard from a friend since December 6th then it'd be very odd - I'd assume they wanted to move on from the friendship so that is probably what they are thinking about you. Why are you being so passive-aggressive?

WonkoTheSane42 · 06/04/2019 19:08

Don’t play games with people, it’s so childish.

Grisaille · 06/04/2019 19:10

I’m assuming there’s some backstory to this, otherwise it’s just passive-aggressive game playing...?

AirBiscuit · 06/04/2019 19:11

I thought I was invisible. Then I was arrested in the male changing rooms of the local gym. Seems Im not as invisible as I thought

PhalangeReginaPhalange · 06/04/2019 19:12

Probably overthinking? There may be more to it though?

habibihabibi · 06/04/2019 19:23

Social media has slightly skewed my own experiment but one of my siblings has not phoned me once in 21 years. Not even free on Skype- now occassionally drops a msg on FB.

PierreBezukov · 06/04/2019 19:32

OP we need more info to know whether you or your friends ABU

airbiscuit love your contribution! You were arrested?

habi have you phoned them?

Original poster
doodlejump1980 · 06/04/2019 21:03

I •am• contacting them. (If you read my original post) I’m just doing all the leg work. We’re all in similar positions, young kids etc.
So I’m not playing games, @wonkothesane42 and there’s no back-story or being passive aggressive @Grisaille I’m just mentally taking notes of the times that I initiate contact and it always seems to be me. Just lonely I guess. But thanks for your input?

OP posts:
ThisIsTheEndgame · 06/04/2019 21:08

Me. I've pushed for and arranged every single get together with my 'friends' over the last year or more. We had agreed to go to see a film on a particular date. I'm waiting to see if anyone remembers or tries to organise it because tbh I've had enough, and am taking it as a sign that these people don't value my friendship. It's quite sad really.

frankiefirstyear · 06/04/2019 21:22

I feel this way. At the start of the year I took a step back because I concluded that a needy person is an unattractive person so I stopped with the invites and plan making and catch up messaging.

I told a couple of my friends that I was feeling lonely, one was very supportive and made more of an effort despite her children being years older than mine; the other basically told me to give myself a shake and 'get out there to meet new friends' - thing is I wasn't really looking for new friends, I just thought my original friends with similar ages children would automatically continue to be friends with whom I could rely on for social meet ups with the kids once a month or so!

Anyway once I had got my head around it I decided to step back from those who make no effort. I'm not petty and will meet up if they ask, equally I still add events to the WhatsApp group if I'm going anywhere nice so whoever can join us. For context I have seen family members/friends about twice so far this year when they've had to make some sort of effort and it's not been at a party etc where meeting would occur anyway.

Being lonely is terrible and especially if they are aware how you feel, it's very sad if they don't step up a bit.

Zoflorabore · 06/04/2019 21:25

I feel invisible in my own home just now!
Unless something needs doing of course...

Siameasy · 06/04/2019 21:25

Social media has made people more isolated. I’m not on there any more but when I was I felt that because people had you on FB etc they felt unconsciously that they didn’t need to make any effort to stay in touch or keep up to date. It’s like SM is a false illusion - you think you’re “seeing” a person because you see their photo.

Siameasy · 06/04/2019 21:27

Also I think people get their socialisation “hit” online
Friends with teenage kids tell me they don’t go out they stay in and chat online. Luckily not all are like that. I was clubbing in Camden at 15-would your average 15 year old be doing that now? People seem to stay in more

AirBiscuit · 06/04/2019 23:08

@PierreBezukov yes. Apparently men look at you if you are naked and in their changing room. Who would have thought

Butterflycookie · 06/04/2019 23:14

Me. I've pushed for and arranged every single get together with my 'friends' over the last year or more. We had agreed to go to see a film on a particular date. I'm waiting to see if anyone remembers or tries to organise it because tbh I've had enough, and am taking it as a sign that these people don't value my friendship. It's quite sad really.

Sounds just like me Sad.

FlutterShite · 06/04/2019 23:24

Siameasy I think you've described it very well. I've certainly lost contact with friends during times when I've not had an active Facebook account, because that's the only platform they want to use for "socialising".

crazycatlady5 · 06/04/2019 23:27

Yep. I have felt like I have always ‘held up’ my friendships. Since I have had a baby (she’s a toddler now) I rarely hear from anyone, it’s a shame.

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