Leaving child at home

[conflictedwithexh]

Hi posted in here for traffic.
Just wanted peoples opinions really. DD starts secondary in September. Exh is being a bit of a prick basically saying that him having her around my work shifts is me using him for childcare 😒
So what I'm asking is how many people would let her stay home? She's very mature, she wants to be given more independence. My workplace is 60 seconds from my home, 30 if I ran. She has a brand new contract phone, street is quite open so all neighbours can see the house. I would come home on my hour breaks and it would only be if I was really desperate - I have younger siblings who help me and my mum will have her but she isn't always keen on going she wants to sit home in her room on her games.
Opinions?

Sounds fine to me because she is mature, you are nearby and not too often.

Exh is adamant it's illegal but I know it's not

I've been leaving my daughter by herself since the age of about 10..maybe a little before
She is year 6 and loves letting herself in ,making toast and watching her rubbish on TV before my husband gets in at 5.30pm ...she knows the rules , no answering answering the front door and no cooking ..all been good here for a little over a year ..she's shown us no reason to distrust her yet

Sounds like exh is trying to cause problems that you have easily resolved. Try not to debate it with him. Arrange when he sees her and supervision on your time is not really his business so long as she is safe.

Also legally there is no lower age limit on either the government website or nspcc ..instead you have to feel she's mature enough ...I'd say you'll get parents saying they've been doing it since the child was 9 or 10

I think it’s fine, when my eldest goes to secondary he’ll be getting there and back on the bus and will have to let himself in and be on his own for two hours x3 dats a week. He’ll be 12 by then, he’s 8 now and already incredibly responsible so can only assume he’ll continue to be a good egg when he’s older. He’ll have a contract phone as well.

I'm worried because I work shifts, if I start at 2pm I don't finish till 9 - break in between I would come home. As soon as she starts high school I'm going to look for a better job but this one allowed me to take my breaks at 3pm to collect her when I needed to, and sit with me until I could get her picked up.
Without saying too much it's his fault I'm struggling we had a weekend thing going then he decided the new woman wasn't 'the one' and walked out on her. So everything has gone tits up again.

I'd say completely fine too - with the caveat that she doesn't try to cook anything in your absence! Make sure she knows what to do in the event of an emergency and you're all set.

My DDs are 10 and 11 (nearly 12) and are at home on their own for 45 mins after school each day (they both have trackers on their phones so we can see exactly where they are) and they whatsapp to confirm they're home.

I work 3 full days a week, 30 mins drive away, but DH (although FT) is just a 3 minute drive away and my DM is 5 mins drive away and only works 3 afternoons a week, so between the 3 of us, we have all but 2 hours on 2 days per week of the holidays covered, but I'm comfortable with them being home on their own. They're both very sensible and we've been doing this for 6 months or so with no problems so far!

You know your child best, but it's pretty shitty that her Dad won't take responsibility...

My eldest is one of the youngest in the year and is in year seven. She has her own key and let's herself in. We now sometimes leave her home if we need to pop out. She knows the rules and knows what to do in an emergency and has a phone and we have a land-line. She enjoys the grown up responsibility.

I don't see any reason why your dd can't manage like she is. She sounds mature and responsible

Sounds fine.
You're 1 min away so you could potentially even pop in just to be sure she got home and is alright.

Your ex is being a twit. He either needs to man up and take her after school or accept she might sometimes be alone. It’s up to you when you feel comfortable leaving her.

Dd has been left home alone for 20mins since 9. Longer since 10. We judged it by did she want to and could she manage. When she was just 11 she badly cut her toe. She went down her contact list on her phone, arranged help, unlocked the front door and propped her foot up on a towel. Fortunately dd is super sensible (even if she can't find her pe socks for the third time)

Personally, i think till 9 might be a bit long/late but she could definitely let herself in and have time on her own till 6ish, perhaps on your break you could drop her at her Auntie/DGMs house for tea, and then pick her up after work at 9, so she gets time on her own for games etc, but not all evening, and others don't have to have her the full time??

Wow. Jealous of your commute. Just have some rules about who she can invite back. Innocent well behaved 12 yos might develop into something less desirable....

I would say it’s fine- I leave my year 7 and 8 alone all the time. I have left them overnight a couple of times. I have an 8 year old and obviously don’t leave her but the other two are fine- and I am a social worker.

So he won't have her and doesnt want you to leave her alone? I would say he's trying to cause problems.

'Using him for childcare'? Is she his kid??

Childcare is the responsibility of both parents so if ex has a problem with it, then he obviously collects her & watches her till your finished work lol

My 12 year old has been coming in from school since he started school & is fine. He's very sensible & mature.

Yep she's definitely his kid 😂

As long as your DD is fine with it and you can get to her quickly in case of an emergency (you say you can) there's no problem. You'd be a whole lot more than 60 seconds away if you were on the toilet!

Your ex sees it as child care. How about he steps up and be a parent? Sounds like DD is better off without his care tbh

It's not child care when it's his child, it's just being a parent. Or not, in his case.

She sounds sensible and you sound like you could manage to work it around her, so try it out. If it doesn't work you can figure something else out but by Y7 DS13 had house keys and let himself in til I got home from work some days and he was fine.

Well if he doesn’t like it then he can shape up and look after her! What a ridiculous entitled attitude to have to say you’re ‘using’ him for childcare, well no shit Sherlock aren’t you her dad? That’s kind of in the job description or does he think childcare is your responsibility? My ex tried this, I soon sat him down and explained how things were going to fly around here, he should be pulling his weight tbh and if he isn’t willing then he needs to but out and let you do what you feel is best.

I always started giving mine more freedom, independence around secondary school age. As this is when they started getting themselves to and from school etc. Not sure about the til 9pm at night shift.

I think this is fine. And if you finish at 9pm you're home in time for bedtime.

Sorry for sounding rude but your exDH sounds like a prick. Apparently it's totally your responsibility to sort out childcare and he shouldn't have to worry about it? Well fine, you've come up with a workable solution. If he doesn't like it then he can make alternative arrangements himself.