To ask how to make my biological clock stop ticking?

[TryingToBePatient1]

I’m very nearly 33. I was a teenage mum the first time round so do already have an older DC but I’ve always dreamt of having more children when the time was right.
I am in a good stable relationship (18 months) and it’s moving in the right direction, we don’t live together or anything yet - both been burnt before and also because of my DC I don’t want to rush anything.
I never wanted to be a mum past 30, then when I actually got to 30 and had another failed log term relationship I moved that to 35 at an ABSOLUTE MAXIMUM.
And now, the chances of being in a position where we are ready to have DC, in the next 1-2 years, are pretty slim.
So I pretty much am going to be around that age if not older, and then older still if we had more - my partner says he’d like 2.
I feel a bit anxious about being that age and feeling like an older mum not to mention the increased health risks. My biological clock is ticking loudly because I’m very aware of my age... but I know I’ve got to quieten it down and that’s proving a bit stressful. Am I going insane here?

You are still young stop worrying honestly I had my first as a teenager and my youngest when I was 36 no health risks no nothing, if you think this relationship will last and you both want kids in the future then you will be fine most mums are older nowadays anyway.

With all due respect, you are putting far too much pressure on yourself.
What actual difference would it make having a baby at 35 than at 36?

I never wanted to be a mum past 30, then when I actually got to 30 and had another failed log term relationship I moved that to 35 at an ABSOLUTE MAXIMUM.

Stop heaping pointless pressures on yourself. That will stop the panic.

You're in a good relationship, you're working towards more kids. You aren't living together yet and it's only been 18 months. He wants kids too. It's all fine.

Take the pressure off yourself, deadlines don't help anyone. I don't know anyone who set a "no more after 30/35/38" rule and happily stuck to it. They either didn't stick to it, or wish they hadn't.

Do you have plans to live together? How far off are they? If you're working on making each step in then fall into place, you're doing well.

Yes be kinder to yourself. I had my first at 33 and second at 35. It’s all good. It’s amazing how things come together. We moved into a new house and I found out I was pregnant the day after. You’re in a happy relationship, just let it develop over the next few years and go with the flow, there’s plenty of time.

AnchorDownDeepBreath we’ve had all the talks about living together and both want that at some point in the near-ish future so in theory it should all come together.

I am ridiculous at putting pressure on myself 🤦🏻‍♀️

There is a lot of stuff out there about fertility declining past 35, but personally, I have not found that to be the case.
Yes, for some women delaying pregnancy isn’t wise, but is it not likely that they would have had problems conceiving at any age and delaying has increased the odds of having problems?
My fertility, and that of several women I know, has not declined. At 38 I am very much pregant and got pregant very easily.
Yes, the risk of disability increases with maternal age, but you have to weigh that up against being in the right place, mentally and physically to start again.
All in I think you have been incredibly sensible and also kind to the children you have already wait make sure you’re bringing a potential sibling into a stable environment.

I had my first at 36. Conceived very easily, easy pregnancy, easy birth, healthy baby. Personally, I’d just roll with it and check the relationship goes the distance. Sounds like it is going well but take the pressure off. You know you can have kids so I wouldn’t worry too much. You still have an 80% chance of conceiving within 2 years

I had my first child 6 months ago when I was 38 and my second child is due this November when I'll be 39. It's absolutely fine. Don't rush yourself. There are so many older Mums out there now. You'll be fine. I'm glad to be that bit older as I'm more financially stable, in a very stable relationship for the first time in my life and am happy as anyone could ever be. Don't overthink it. You've got plenty of time yet. Good luck!

Why 35? I had my children at 37 and 40, and was never the eldest mum in any groups. One mum I know had here at 16 and 36 and always jokes that 26 would have been perfect!!