How much effort do you put into helping primary kids with homework

[Mehs]

Short version! -
What I really want to know is How much time and effort are we, as parents, expected to put into kids’ homework? What standard of them is expected? Does it really matter if they turn in a pile of shit that far from matches their abilities?

They don’t get a comment or feedback from their teachers anyway – just a ‘well done stamp’

Would it be terrible if I just left her to it, after her resisting my help of course, and let her hand in a scribbled sentence or nothing at all? What would the consequences be?

I hate homework so much. It often ends up in melt downs from the kids and threats from me and it’s just an awful stressful waste of what should be a bloody relaxing Saturday.

I try to help them, encourage them to do their best, to put the effort in, but oftentimes I hate the way I’m critical of their lack of effort, messy writing, tiny amount of work Etc, Etc. But if I don’t nag and insist, and eventually threaten to take away all screen time or something, they’d hand in a couple of scribbles.
DD10 is now much better, but until recently it was a nightmare any time she had writing homework.

Now it’s DD6’s turn for the homework to become more complicated and time consuming and I bloody hate it.

She has to retell a story. I’ve stayed calm, we’re read through some stories, I’ve asked her for ideas and then volunteered my own but when it comes to putting pen to paper she just scowls at me refusing to participate.
“I don’t know what to write” I’ve given her ideas
“that’s stupid” “ I don’t want to write that” “I hate writing”
I told her to just write something, just get something down on the paper, something to hand it.
I’ve had to walk away before I get cross. So many times I end up cross over homework. We should be out of the house, letting off some steam, but every damn Saturday we can’t do anything until we’ve got homework done otherwise it likely won’t happen.

I also have a toddler, who makes it bloody difficult to spend quality time with the others at the moment.
But I manage set aside an hour each Saturday to sit with just her, to waste on homework. But she usually spends at least 30 minutes arguing. She gets plenty forewarning that it’s nearly homework time and I try to entice her by telling her of the nice things we can do afterwards but it still almost always ends in a strop and a miserable time for all of us.
If she doesn’t make the most of that time with me I can’t magic up other quiet time when I can sit and concentrate on just her.

Sorry for the rambly post - I’ve woken up with a killer headache, the toddler has been ill all week and I really don’t want to spend hours battling DD to make an effort.
For the record, they’re not on half term next week so it’s now or never for the homework.

I believe there’s a lot of research to say homework isn’t hugely beneficial to small children.

I have a reluctant participant in my son too. He has a holiday diary to write, just a sentence a day but even that is like pulling hens teeth.

I make sure it’s done but don’t remark on the ‘quality’ of the work. I think it’s better for him to have done it himself and thought about it than having every word spelled correctly and every letter perfectly formed! It’s also better for my sanity this way!

One of mine did their homework diligently and without help from Y1. The other is exactly as you describe and tbh we have a go but if they won't try then whatever they've done goes in. They have to suffer the consequences.
When they get to secondary they'll have one hell of a shock (and a season ticket to detentions) but they need to figure it out themselves. I'll support but they need to get it.

I guess it depends on whether you think the obstinacy is due to

• can't be bothered
• can't do it
• just being awkward
• doesn't care
• thinks teacher doesn't care

and whether you think it is important to have the fights now to set up good practices for the future, or whether you think she will mature and in 3 years it will all be fine anyway.

DD didn't get homework age 6. Which is lucky, she wouldn't have coped.

I just facilitate it getting done (e.g. monitoring their reading, buying supplies etc). It’s not my job to do it for them. That only does them a disservice and does my head in. My parents literally never ‘helped’ woth my homework beyond facilitation. If I had a problem I found a solution myself. If I decided not to do it I faced the consequences. I did extremely well academically.

Honestly? I think homework is ridiculous for small children. When they've been at school for 30 hours a week, what they need in the evenings is a nutritious meal, a conversation with interested parent(s), a bath and some reading at bedtime.
At the weekends; exercise, interesting days out, time spent in nature, helping with the shopping and cooking (adding up, learning useful skills).
I do realise that not all parents do or can manage these things but I'm not sure that homework is helpful for these children either.

I do relate to your experiences OP. My older child is just like that. Younger is more interested; but the result (which I feel rotten about) is that sometimes my mental exhaustion from dealing with DC1’s homework (and we don’t even attempt all of it! Just enough to not be totally washing our hands of it) means I end up with less energy to help with hers.

Oh god! I feel strongly about this. THEY should be doing it not the parent. What’s the point of parent doing/coaching every word? The teacher won’t know what the pupil actually can or can’t do.
Give them encouragement, time and space to sit. Provide equipment/ conducive environment, help when asked. But let them do it their way. If they hand in rubbish, the teacher will know how it deal with it best.

My dc don’t get homework , just spelling and reading books. They can log into my maths if they want but no topics are expected or even suggested.

My children are grown up now but when they were in primary I’d have asked them their spellings every evening (all the way through), checked their maths when they’d have finished (all the way through) heard their reading (just in the junior classes before they were independent readers) and read over their written work (comprehension activities) just to check that they were making a good effort. At second level, nothing bar signing their journals that they’d completed their homework, unless they specifically asked me for help in something (eg asking oral questions on something they’d studied, help with oral exams in languages, etc). At 3rd level-zero!
I never sat with them while they did their homework-but I would have been in the room with them (as they used to do their homework at the kitchen table all through primary, while I’d be preparing dinner, just as I myself did, when young.)
A close friend used to sit with her children, and would have known exactly what they were doing all the way through second level too. However, I’m a teacher and my attitude was that if they couldn’t work fairly independently from 10yrs of age, they would find second level and third level more of a struggle than it should be. My own belief though, is that the work in school is what is important. Homework -especially in primary school-should really only be revision of what the children know already and are able to work on fairly independently. Otherwise, it’s a case of parents having to do the teacher’s job.

I'm a big believer of helping with h/w for my DDs. Now it might be because they have SpLD, but I'd rather they spent 1-1 time with me helping, and then understand the maths homework, or write a decent amount in English, or succeed in learning for the test, than just do what they can do independently and get minimal learning from it.

Thanks everyone, that makes me feel better. kaytee87 I agree with you entirely!

I think I'll carry on encouraging and helping but will just stay calm and walk away and leave them to it if need be.

My "Ok, do what you want and see what your teacher says" approach seems to have helped and we have a few nice sentences.

I'm glad to read daily and practice spellings, but I just really don't see the point of proper homework at this age, I can think of way more things we could be doing that would be more beneficial to her in general.

I mostly leave DD10 to get on with it herself now, unless she asks for help, as it's helping prepare for high school. I no longer bug her to do a little extra or correct her spellings, and the teacher hasn't commented, so sod it.

Nice to hear a teacher's perspective, Procrastination4, thanks.

DD is year 6 she manages it herself, she knows what needs doing and by when which means she's well prepared for secondary in September. they hace 30 mins a day SATs prep to do this holiday which I m not happy about especially as we are away for 9 days! DS year 4 is a different story, years of homework battles!! theirs is due in on a Friday so we do it Thursday night usually takes about an hour. I remember one day last year he forgot to do it (I was working late, DH forgot) and I got up on the Friday morning and found him asking siri all his maths questions! 10/10 for ingenuity!!! I don't agree with homework but I think as parents we need to support the teachers so I wouldn't boycott it. I feel your pain though, I dread Thursday homework time!!

The teacher won’t know what the pupil actually can or can’t do.

This. I had exactly this same question this autumn - my daughter literally couldn't do her homework without my help. I went to talk to the teacher and discovered that DD was excellent at using all sorts of cues, other than learning the material! to do stuff. The teacher moved her back down in lessons, and she was able to do the stuff on her own (and didn't hate it because she could actually do it) and now does all her work independentally.

Really depends on the child, their age and the type of homework set.

6 is too young for most children to "rewrite a story" independently - too many steps involved in planning etc.
When we get set unrealistic homework, I help and write a note to the teacher to explain what assistance I provided. For example, I would ask my 6 year old to retell me a story she liked. We would read it together too. Then I would probably sit with her at the computer and type up in simple sentences what she tells me. Even if she just learns something about structuring a story, few connectives etc - great. Then if my child enjoyed it I would get her to write it down (if she wanted to) or just submit the typing and tell the teacher it was too much for my child. If child resisted all of that, would get them to draw a picture about a story.

For me, the point of homework is to get a child to learn something (doesn't have to be everything demanded by the teacher) and do some independent work. I do think it is important to encourage in Year 2, Year 3 and for some, even in Year 4. By Year 5 the child should mostly be working independently and know when to ask for help. Class sizes are so big these days that one to one attention with a parent can be invaluable. It is hard with a toddler too so I tend to encourage my older children to do homework at a similar time and multitask with the toddler doing e.g. playdoh/drawing etc.

Eldest is almost 7. I have to make sure he does it. (i.e. say "right time for homework"). He just gets one bit of maths and some spelling. Spelling we practise writing out, maths he finds incredibly easy so I just check he's actually done it, literacy again I just make sure he's done it. He has terrible hand writing so I do try to encourage him to write as neatly as possible. If there was a piece of homework he literally was unable to do I'd probably explain it in general and go through some examples then let him try his actual homework himself. Doesn't seem much point in giving the impression he can do it if he can't.

DD is only in YR so really we just get reading a show and tell to prepare (just helping her pick an interesting object from her room) and that's it.

Parents of reluctant writers, how often does your child see you writng, not on the computer but with a pen?
I recall a friend, Army officer's wife, whose son was a poor and reluctant reader and she blamed every school he'd ever been in. One evening she asked me to babysit for a couple of hours as she had a welfare emergency. Her house, even with no notice, was immaculate, there were no newspapers or books to be seen. Neither of them read for pleasure yet expected their son to be keen to read.