To think that maybe it's better to only have myself to rely on?

[Myotherhusbandisgaryoldman]

Just this, really. I'm 43, divorced, I have a partner of six years. We don't live together and probably never will, that's a whooooole different story.
I have an amazing DD, 11, from my marriage.
I often feel sad and envious of other women who seem to have such lovely supportive husbands who adore them and adore being with them. I know we can never know what goes on behind closed doors and I try to remember that, and since I've been divorced I've really wanted to get married again and know what it's like to have a supportive partner.
I don't think I've ever had a man in my life who I can lean on and rely on, looking back - I certainly don't have one now.
The last few months I have increased my hours at work and am more financially stable. I've started to think, do I really want to live with a man again?
I'm so used to relying on only me to do chores, manage money, raise DD, etc etc, that I'm wondering if it would just annoy the shit out of me.
I can't be bothered with wondering if he might help around the house, split chores 50/50 etc, and the thought of being pissed off about a lazy bloke in my house terrifies me.
Anyone else in my situation?

But you have a partner?
Even if you don’t live together why doesn’t he make you feel like you want to feel?

I feel like that OP, but it’s why I’ve been single for a decade.
He doesn’t sound like much of a “partner” in any respect. Unless he’s bringing some mind-blowing sex or something to your door, why are you bothering with him?

@Flobalob i just read your post and it made me cry. Ok I’m 5 months pregnant and prone to a good cry but still. Your kids are so lucky to have you and you all deserve so much better than that sorry excuse for a man they call a father. By the time the silly twat realises what he’s done, it will be too late and he will have lost all of you.
I’m getting married in a few months and I’ve always been clear with DP that I have less than zero interest in being a nag and a drudge. I will not tolerate it. He moved in with me 2 years ago and I have lost my shit with him on a few occasions for leaving everything at his arse for me to deal with. Thankfully that hasn’t happened for some time and we now share the load relatively equally I’d say, albeit he has taken on more for now as I’ve had a shit time with morning sickness. Will report back to the thread in 10 years to let you all know if my Prince is still a Prince or if he has gone the way of the frog and turned me in to a nag/servant/martyr. I think I’d rather be alone if that was the case. I was fine without him before I met him, after all.

Remain independent, OP. I've been single and financially independent a long time now. As a single parent of one, it's been hard but I wouldn't change it.

@Flobalob

That fucker you call a H needs to go.

If you and your H split, you would get help with rent. You can also apply for CMS. Are you eligible for DLA for your children?
Sounds like it wouldn't be disruptive to the DC if he wasn't around based on what you've said.
You need to research your options--benefits, custody, etc.

Believe me, I've researched good and proper but because I own a studio flat but live elsewhere I won't get rent paid. Selling studio flat will not buy me a proper house to live in on the salary I'm on.

I get Carers Allowance for one child. Applying for DLA for the other child.

I've checked out the CM we'd get and it would be peanuts as he's self employed for half his work so can hide alot of earnings.

Before the kids came along we muddled along quite nicely. Our salaries were both similar and high. Having children has been the best thing in the world for me but I feel like he misses the freedom he had to persue his hobbies and not having much money to buy the luxuries he used to buy. He resents me working p/t but our children would be in pieces if I left them in childcare. Plus everything I earned would go on childcare. I'd be going to work to pay childcare bills. I've been lucky that I can work 3 days a week without paying for childcare by working in school hours and when they're in bed. Plus I need a day to do all of the jobs around the house plus food shop plus managing all the medical stuff (about 8 hospital appointments a year)

@Flobalob
I’m sorry but that just sounds shit. Impo

I doubt that your children would be in pieces if they’re in childcare. Millions of children are and they’re aok.

The rest just sounds like you have a deeply unsupportive partner at the best.

But I guess his hobbies are really important

@Flobalob
God I had more to say but I can’t be fucked. You’re in a shit relationship end of

meandwine do you have a child with autism?
Please do not say things like "Millions of children are and they’re aok" and think that some children with autism are blithely included in those millions.
Finding child care for children with disabilities is extremely difficult. How do you safeguard a child that is non-verbal? Lots of people cannot handle the post-school meltdown hour, etc etc etc.
Having a child with disabilities has an enormous impact on the earning abilities of parents, which in turn further complicates life.
It's not as simple as "oh, children are fine in after-school care".
FWIW, I have two children with autism, that could attend after-school care, mainly because it was in school, run by their own TAs, with their own classmates/friends etc, and school staff knew what strategies worked for my children.
If that hadn't been available, I would have not been able to hold onto my job.

Flobalob you need to get out. I know you know that but I'm saying it anyway. Could you look into shared ownership with the proceeds of your flat? Don't forget you'd get tax credits including disability element even if you wouldn't get much maintenance. And I think you could claim housing benefit on the portion that you pay as rent. You are already doing everything anyway. At least if you left you wouldn't have a dead weight around you to deal with on top of that.