To think DPs friend was EXTREMELY unacceptable?

[itslikeblackpoolilluminations]

At a house party, everyone is pissed including myself.
DPs friend has managed to slip and push every glass bottle off the worktop in the kitchen onto the floor. Everyone found this funny and the sort of this happens at parties attitude.
He went for a cig in the garden and I went out to check he was okay because he wa steaming. We are friendly enough to have enough banter, but he touch my bum, like fully groped it.
I removed myself from the situation straight away and told DP who said "well I said to leave and to not have one more drink". It's almost like he's blaming me. I think DP and DP friend is being unreasonable but it seems like I'm being made to be seen as the one who is being unreasonable.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense because I'm drunk but am I over reacting or amj right??

Honestly, I wouldn't be able to stand to even look at my partner if he said such disgraceful things after one of his friends sexually assaulted me.

OP, your 'DP' is no partner at all, and a disgusting excuse for a man. You deserve and should choose better for yourself than a victim-blaming rape-apologist.

"...well I said to leave and to not have one more drink..."

In other words:

For the 'high crime' of your wanting to stay at a party, or socialising where there is alcohol - or perhaps for not leaving when 'DP' told you to - you deserve to be sexually assaulted by DP's friends whenever they feel like getting handsy.

When this happens, you should not expect him to be outraged on your behalf.

You should expect him to defend and excuse his creep friends whilst blaming you.

"...what do you expect he's steaming..."

"...he's annoyed because earlier in the night another of his friends was joking about us all having a foursome and I joked along saying yeah count me in. It was obvious that it was a joke..."

Wow.

So:

A. When one of 'DP's' friends has consumed alcohol, he is neither wrong, nor responsible for sexually violating you/women.

When one of his friends does sexually violate you/women, your 'DP' will immediately excuse and defend them, then attack and blame you or any other woman who dares voice her discomfort, distress or anger at being sexually violated.

But:

B. When a woman has consumed alcohol, 'DP' considers her both wrong and responsible when she briefly and laughingly responds to a bawdy but obvious joke made by one of his friends.

'Wrong' in that 'DP' considers himself to be justified in maintaining his annoyance at her obviously joking and harmless behaviour, even many hours later.

'Responsible' in that he actually points to her participation in that obvious joke with one person hours earlier in the evening as a legitimate fucking reason to blame her for 'instigating' her own sexual assault by a completely different person and hours later.

"...it’s hardly the time to be getting all #metoo about it..."

GMAFB.

"Now, ladies, do settle down and get back into your box and for goodness' sake, don't make one of those tedious scenes...

It's just another man who feels entitled to grope and sexually assault a woman without invitation or consent and another man who excuses him and blames her... That's all!

Nothing to get all (shudder) feminist about!"

We have sworn, called each other fat, made Frankie Boyle style jokes at each other

Using this context, was a cheeky, wey-hey, seaside postcard type grope or more of an actual sexual advance? Neither is acceptable but I’d be more willing to overlook the first as a drunken misjudgment.

Basically everything Ce7913 said
Ltb

For those who seem hard of thinking, a joke that the op joined in with is not the same as an unconsentual bum grope.

Ce7913 yessssssss
THANK YOU 🙏

So much more eloquent than I am able to be at this time of day.

OP please use this logical construct shared by Ce7913 around wrong and responsible when you do finally discuss it with your “D”P

aren't people great when they are pissed ? sorry, but you are more focused with writing a phone message pissed than i would be after a cup of tea !

Ce7913

Wonderful.

taylahsorry but you've posted on the wrong thread.

The banter went too far, not sure I'd be calling it sexual assault though..he shouldn't have done it and I hope he's mortified (if he even remembers) today and apologises profusely.

If your partner thinks it's no big deal to be groping women when drunk, I'd be wondering who he'd been groping.

Obviously the grope should not have occurred, that's it.

Sort out the issue with the man who groped you op

Yikes, sorry, I have asked for my post to be removed.

Sorry I couldn't call a bum grope amongst a good friend who I'd joked about having 4sums with asualt.

Out of order yes and you should most deff tell him he crossed a line and should apologise.

But calling it sexual assault lessons actuall asualt imo.

I don't understand what you mean by 'steaming'. Where I am, that means angry. Like all steamed up, pissed off, angry, blood boiling etc but what you say doesn't sound like anyone was angry except your DP. And, did he slip and try to grab hold of something and accidentally grabbed you, or was he standing and calmly touched your bum.

The grope was wrong and is not insignificant so don't let your partner down play it. If my friend did that to my partner all ties would be cut

Other side is

If my OH dared to tell any of my female friends he would be willing to sleep with them (joke or not) I would be furious and contemplating our future

The third side is

Everyones boundaries are different the 2 incidents can be relationship ending or just a big joke. It depends on the people and the personalities. So you can take them how you wish and if your angry thats ok! I would be too, not everyone will be so opinions will differ

FFS you’re all pissed and joking about foursomes. You’ve had your bum groped by a mate who’s steaming drunk and lost his inhibitions so of course he is ‘unreasonable’. Sober up and talk about it tomorrow, it’s hardly the time to be getting all #metoo about it. I’m sure he will be mortified and apologise in time. Maybe you all should have left the party a couple of drinks back.
This ^^.

OP you sound like you are about 15. Are you?

I hop things didn't get further out of control op

I don't understand what you having another drink has to do with anything, or why your DP would think it did.

The person who should have had fewer drinks and left earlier was the very drunk man who knocked over all the bottles (perfect 'too drunk, go home' alarm for him), then groped you.

i dont kow why hes blaming u for drinking when his mate is the same/worse

however was it a sexual advance or a jokey slap-u say u have a lot of banter he might not think hes crossed a line