Wedding Guest Mug

[AmIACunt]

I come to Mumsnet in all its glory as I cannot decide whether I am BU or not... so please, give me your honest thoughts as if you were in my situation.

I have a 6 month old son with my boyfriend. My boyfriend has a (second or third cousin, distant but still classes himself as cousin)

Said cousin is getting married, and has asked my boyfriend to be his best man. Now... I have only been invited to the evening party, along with the rest of my boyfriends immediate family?!

I completely understand money etc how expensive weddings are... but... if my boyfriend is going to be the BEST MAN of this wedding, giving a speech etc, do you not think it strange that his partner and their son (who is related to the groom!) is not invited to see any of that?

At the moment I’m struggling whether to decide to even go... as i will be looking after our son all day while daddy is at this wedding, then I have to get us both ready and travel to the wedding by myself!

So mumsnet, what’s the verdict please? Am I a dramatic diva or would you be fuming too?

I think it very odd that the groom knows your DP well enough to ask him to be best man, but doesn't invite you too.
I would decline the evening invite.

I think a wedding mug with the date of the wedding and Mr & Mrs xxx is a lovely idea. Would be tacky if they put their faces on it though

I’m of the opinion that if you ask someone to be in your wedding party that you should invite their significant other and relax any rules like no kids for them, because you’re asking them to take a special role in your big day - however I know many people disagree with me and think it’s the bride and grooms day so they should get whatever they want no matter how much it insults/inconveniences their guests.

Weddings used to be a family affair where everyone got together to celebrate the couple getting married, at a cost that the couples and their families could afford. But it’s turned into some sort of one upmanship wedding magazine worthy social media gift grab and I hate it.

If none of his family are invited to the service either then you are not being left out any more than his parents/siblings. In fact, you're being treated very much as part of the family. It sounds like the wedding itself is a very small one.

But if it's a lot of hassle to go, use the small DC as an excuse and politely decline.

Going by the title I thought you’d got a personalised mug of your face as a wedding favour, can’t hide my disappointment that this isn’t what the thread is about.

A lucky break OP.

I'm in the lucky break camp! I have wedding fatigue from all the weddings last year. I feel positively buoyant that 2 of this years wedding invites are to child free weddings so I can't attend as I am BF my baby and he won't take a bottle... shame!

But yes I think it's pretty bad form that you were not invited to the whole day. I'm sure your OH would also prefer you to be there.

I'd pass if I were you though, they'd just expect more of a present.

@GuineaPiglet345 this is how I think about it. I wouldn't dream of having a maid of honour, asking her to plan my hen do, write a speech (I know they don't but you get my point) and all the other responsibilities that come with being the best friend of the bride/groom... and not inviting their partner? Just seems a bit rude in my eyes?

Deffo think I will be using my dc as the excuse not to go

"Sorry, couldn't get a babysitter and as baby wasn't on the invite I assumed he wasn't welcome."

I'm feeling a bit like they don't care for me
Oh my, don't let this become symbolic of something its not.

It's technically poor form....but it's only a sort-of-cousin's wedding, and the rest of the family are only going to this bit yeah?

Do you fancy a family party, or not?

You have to realise, being invited to the evening do is not some kind of attack on your status as the partner of the best man.

It's a comment on your relationship with the groom - you don't have one.

My vote is for diva, but I don't like weddings anyway.

OutAndAbouter

Glad to have met someone of the same mindset.

Weddings may be made of rainbow dust for the happy couple, and a big excitement for others very closey involved, but for many other guests something to be endured.
A long day in uncomfortable shoes, making small talk to random people, waiting in the cold in skimpy clothes for your part in photoshoots- which serve as a permanant reminder to the fun we are having- tehe fixed smile, the faux politeness to people you don't know but better not offend just in case.

As I say OP- a lucky break.

And if DP is best manning, you'll be on your own trying to entertain a toddler at a formal affair all day

It's just a party. Might be fun.

Don’t go. Get a video of the speech.

Dh was best man at a wedding but I was invited for the whole thing with our children, Dh is actually already godfather to their two children.

But I hardly saw Dh, at the church he wasn't sat with me obviously, he was organising people for photos, at the meal he sat at the top table, myself and the DCs were at another table.

I would be glad not to go to another wedding, the one I went to was lovely but mainly because I knew the couple but didn't know anyone else there. I wouldn't have wanted my baby to be there, far too stressful. Stay home with your baby.

I'd be happier just to go to the evening thing as well.

Have you spent much time with the cousin? How long have you and dp been together?

OK if the baby's not invited for the whole thing but outrageous that you as Best Man's partner is not.

People nowadays just have no manners.

I think it’s rude not to invite the Best Man’s partner to the whole wedding. I wonder if it is because your boyfriend is family and they feel if they invite you they’ll have to invite a couple of dozen other people.

It could still be fun to go to the evening do though, if you fancy a night out without the baby and can get a sitter..

Am I a dramatic diva or would you be fuming too?

You are being a dramatic diva and, no, I would not be ‘fuming’. I would be a bit miffed though, I think it’s normally polite to invite the partner of the best man. Although grouping you with the rest of the family makes it a bit better.
I’d go to the evening bit if I fancied a family party and if I didn’t, I would give it a miss. No need for any angst. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Another, somewhat disappointed this isn't about some tacky wedding gift

as i will be looking after our son all day while daddy is at this wedding

....but that is FAR easier to do, relaxed in your own home, than togged up to the nines in a venue you aren't familiar with and isn't set up for babies / toddlers.
If your bf is best man, then you won't be with him in the Church / ceremony room; you won't be with during the photos / standing around for hours afterwards; you won't be with him during the meal. You've said the rest of the family won't be there, and that you don't really know them as a couple so aren't really part of their group of friends. Not sure why you'd want to go.
However by the evening, the Best Man duties will have finished, and - if you choose to book a babysitter and to go - you and can have a nice relaxed evening at a party together.

I don’t think it’s off they didn’t invite you (the rest of DPs family have also only been invited to the evening)
I probably wouldn’t bother going to the evening if it was me though as I’m a miserable old cow

I would be a bit upset if my DH was best man and I was invited.

If DS will be 1.5 I would probably get a babysitter and go have a nice night out. At 1.5 your DS should be in a good routine and hopfully sleep well so much better for him to be tucked up in bed and you could go enjoy a night off ! Would you be able to send him to grandparents late afternoon/dinner time then you could get your self ready with a glass of fizz and some music and go join your partner for a fun night off ? His best man duties will be over by then so he should be able to spend his time with you .

I realise it's not what you want but you could turn it into a fun night off xx