Tis the season! Lots of hen party threads recently. Your hen party guide:
So you’ve received an invitation to a hen do.
AIBU to go or not go?
Think about the whole hen party - who’s going, where it is, who it’s for - and imagine it’s this coming weekend. If you feel like you really wouldn’t want to go (for any reason) this is your time to say no! Perfect excuses:
“I really can’t - we’re saving up for a family holiday and it just wouldn’t be fair”
“We actually already have plans that weekend that I can’t cancel - its such a shame!”
“I don’t want to travel that far while the children are so young/I’m going to be really pregnant/I’m at risk of redundancy/I can’t leave the dog on her own”
"There have been a lot of weddings in the past two years - I'm really looking forward to the big day but I just can't afford all the hen dos and I feel like it would be really unfair to pick and choose"
Any of these excuses, delivered promptly, with a heartfelt apology and a promise that you will catch up with the hen one on one before the wedding and help with something wedding related. One nice touch is to have flowers or wine delivered to the hen party hotel or venue while they are all there.
You are not unreasonable to not want to go because you don’t know any of these people anyway or because Wales is a 4 and a half hour drive or because you are breastfeeding but you are really unreasonable to use these things as excuses not to go at the last minute, because presumably Wales is in the same place as it always has been, etc. If you’re going to cop out, do it early.
Dealing with the MOH
Check the details before paying a deposit.
Ask - if people drop out - will I be expected to pay for them? If thats the case, check how many people are going. If theres 25 people sharing a villa and you will be expected to pick up the extra if they don’t turn up, you can guarantee at least a third of them won’t.
Ask - is food and drink included in the cost? Will there be further activities that I need to pay for? Will we be sharing rooms?
Can you afford it? Remember - before you have paid your deposit, months in advance, is the time to duck out, if you need to.
Also - be nice to her. Its tough organising a hen do. Once you have agreed to go and agreed to pay, be prompt with your replies and payments. Don’t be snippy about activities (you can always opt out)
If you’re asked to wear a certain colour or style of clothes - charity shops, eBay, ask your friends on Facebook, you can manage it. You really don’t have to go all in - if the theme is pirates, make an eye patch and take a toy sword. If the theme is red, buy a red t shirt from Asda. You can do it (or a little bit of it). Be a team player. Or - if it's really something you don't want to do, graciously say that you don't want to, offer to take all the photos and say how fab everyone else looks, with a big smile.
Remember its presumably for your friend who you love. If you don’t love this person and don’t class them as a friend (maybe its your neighbour who you feel sorry for or your ‘friend’ you used to work with but don’t actually like that much) DON’T GO. (Just don’t. Trust me)
On the hen do
Lets face it most hen dos, like most weddings, aren’t what you would be choosing to do any given Saturday if you were entirely honest with yourself. Try and approach it with grace and a sense of fun, but also, stick to your own boundaries and express your own needs clearly and calmly. No one will remember if you weren’t necking Jaegerbombs and you snuck off to bed 2 hours earlier than everyone else. Do what you need to do. Be kind to the other hens, you might meet someone fun and make a new friend - at the very least you’ll have more people to talk to at the wedding.
Remember, its supposed to be about your friend. If she likes dancing to Beyonce and thats what she wants to do, just suck it up. At least sit at the side, smiling, laughing, looking like you’re enjoying yourself. If you don’t love her enough to be doing that - you shouldn’t be on her hen do (see above)
Organising the hen do
Most problems on hen do’s are to do with money.
Try and make sure (see above) that people are really invested in going before you book anything. You will have a far better time in Tenerife with 4 people who really really want to go, rather than 14 people, 8 of whom didn’t want to go and all of whom are covering the cost of the 5 people who said they would go but then ducked out at the last minute. A good litmus test of this is not booking anything until you have collected sizeable deposits.
Be super clear about what people are committing to when they pay, and try and minimise any cost variation - when you say it’ll cost £100 and it ends up costing £250 because of people dropping out or external costs or whatever.
Having organised a few hen dos I think its always better to not try and make it a surprise for the bride. Involve her. Be honest with her. If she has an idea of something that it seems like all her friends are quite reluctant to do, just tell her. Unless she’s really awful (in which case, just say you can’t organise it) all she will really want is her friends having a fun time and showing how much they love her. Find small ways to do this that don’t cost the world. Ask mumsnet, people have great ideas and experiences to share.
Remember that everyone is different and you might not necessarily know all these people that well. A good idea is sending out a checklist first if anyone has any requirements, disabilities, things they feel uncomfortable doing. Some groups will absolutely love Butler in the Buff, other people will hate it. Try and find out which your group is before you book it. And the more you involve people in the organising, the more bought into the event they will be when it rolls round.
Thats my listen up guide to hen dos. Anything to add?