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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To end a relationship right before a holiday (and then not go)?

21 replies

saturdaycoffee · 04/04/2019 19:12

The backstory to the relationship stuff is here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a3534502-If-a-cheating-partner-has-offered-for-you-to-look-at-their-phone-have-you-ever-done-it?msgid=86090870#86090870

We are due to be going on holiday on Monday for a week. Right now, I really don't want to go. I don't even think I want us to be together. He has paid for the whole holiday to celebrate my birthday later in the year, so if I pull out/we have to cancel, he loses about £1000. I would offer to pay some of this, or I guess he could go by himself. But I do feel guilty that he has arranged and booked and paid for this holiday, and I now don't want to go.

Do I just end it, not go, and stop feeling guilty? Or go, even if I don't want to?

OP posts:

Smilemumof2 · 04/04/2019 19:23

Babes if you feel so strongly end it now and stop feeling guilty.
You are quite within your rights to end a relationship with any reason at any time.
Especially with what happened before
Good luck x

Iseewhatyoumeanthistime · 04/04/2019 19:25

I wouldn't go. If you don't want to be in a relationship with this guy why do you feel guilty about it. Separate, and if you can afford it, offer some towards the holiday if it makes you feel better. Good luck

Original poster

saturdaycoffee · 04/04/2019 19:51

I feel guilty because of the timing. He has made a huge effort to arrange this holiday, and I feel bad for ruining it all.

OP posts:

Spaceunicorn6789 · 04/04/2019 19:54

OH GOD this makes me sound like a horrible person I haven't read your other thread though.

I broke up with my ex purely because I had fallen out of love with him a week before we were due to go to New York (paid for by him as a birthday present) so we never went to NYC.

To this day I wish I had sucked it up for another couple of months as I've never had the chance to go since and it's on my bucket list.

I've never said that out loud before. I feel ashamed.

But if you don't want to go then don't go, can he take a friend and pay the difference to change the name?

Spaceunicorn6789 · 04/04/2019 19:56

Me and a different partner broke up a week before we were due to go to Spain and he changed the names on the booking for like... £60 and then his friend paid the difference directly to me and I went on a lovely beach holiday alone to cure my broken heart we got back together like 2 weeks later though so was all a bit pointless.

Spaceunicorn6789 · 04/04/2019 20:02

Back again. I've skimmed your other thread.

I've been where you are. My DP cheated on me and I chose to stay with him but it was YEARS of torment and anxiety and stress and I wish I hadn't have bothered sometimes.

He's wonderful now, genuinely grown to be a great, mature, loving man with good morals and we are genuinely happy. We were both young and stupid then. But was the years of anguish worth it? No, probably not. The doubt still lives there in a tiny tiny box in the very corner of my mind which I never ever ever speak about to anyone.

Leave, forget the holiday and don't feel bad.

HollowTalk · 04/04/2019 20:04

I wouldn't go but would repay him. Unless he's done something horrendous since booking it, I think you should pay the money back. It would be worse to go and dump him afterwards.

Original poster

saturdaycoffee · 04/04/2019 20:04

spaceunicorn you don’t sound like a horrible person at all! I’m not sure I can pretend for the sake of a holiday that everything is ok though. Mind you, this is Europe and not NYC!

OP posts:

AuntMarch · 04/04/2019 20:08

I told my ex I wanted to break up. He asked me to wait, see if upcoming holiday changed anything.
It didn't, quite the opposite. We had a nice enough time but being together 24/7 for a week made me even more sure it wasn't what I wanted!

HollowTalk · 04/04/2019 20:09

OK I've read the other thread and think you should dump him now and not pay a penny for the holiday. He'll be able to take someone else with him (that'll be interesting to see who he takes) - just tell him you don't trust him an inch and you don't want to see him again. He's a liar and a cheat and he always has been.

Chocolateisfab · 04/04/2019 20:13

Maybe the holiday will confirm for sure you want your relationship to end.
When me and exh went to a gorgeous villa in Portugal he was happy we had twin beds. Sat up reading car magazines!!
Fuck that for a lark.

A big straw on the camels back....

pouraglasshalffull · 04/04/2019 20:15

I went on holiday with an ex because I felt guilty and I had a tiny glimmer of hope it would restore our relationship- HAHA how wrong was I?!

The biggest waste of time, energy and money in my life. Don't feel bad OP, do whats best for yourself xx

Original poster

saturdaycoffee · 04/04/2019 20:42

We are camping for a week, so not even a chance to escape each other if it’s awful!

OP posts:

Taswama · 04/04/2019 20:47

Not read your other thread but going on holiday (even NYC!) when you are planning to dump someone is a bit like waiting until after Christmas/ your birthday surely?

HollowTalk · 04/04/2019 21:11

Camping? No way.

Cafeaulait27 · 04/04/2019 21:19

After reading your other thread I think you should dump him. In fact not even that, just pack as though you’re going on the holiday and then tell him at the last minute that you’re going to stay with a friend.

FizzyPink · 04/04/2019 21:21

Sorry he has paid £1,000 and you are camping?!? It’s not worth it OP he’s shown you before who he is and you shouldn’t have to force yourself to spend a week with him out of guilt

Chocolateisfab · 04/04/2019 21:36

I took 6dc camping abroad for a week didn't cost a grand!!

Original poster

saturdaycoffee · 04/04/2019 21:50

We are going in a camper van (was trying to be vague so as to not out myself!)

OP posts:

NannyRed · 04/04/2019 21:50

Meh.
Ex bf dumped me about a week/10 days before our holiday and threatened that “if I gave him any bother, I d never see” the tickets for the show I’d bought for my 13 year old daughter, even though I’d fucking paid for them!

Do like I did, book your own holiday and forget him. Don’t go on holiday with someone you don’t care for.

Original poster

saturdaycoffee · 04/04/2019 22:22

I’m really tempted to do that NannyRed. I’ve got the week off work so I need to make the most of it! Your ex sounds terrible - probably the reason he is an ex!

OP posts:

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