Hi,
Have name changed.
I apologise in advance as this will be quite a long post. I’m a nervous wreck and don’t know what to do.
Backstory is I split up with my emotionally and mentally abusive ex about 6 years ago and we have a DD(6). It was a messy break up, I had enough of his shit and drinking and left.
He has always had access to DD a couple of hours after school twice a week and EOW.
We are hostile at best but I never let DD aware of what’s going on in terms of how I feel, although I do know children sense these things especially as they get older.
It got to the point where I had to get police involved a year and half ago due to his constant nasty texts and emails. DD would also come home saying “daddy says he doesn’t like you, you’re a bad mum, and I left him so I will leave her too at some point” etc and loads of other crap. I’ve obviously told my DD that it would never happen and maybe she misheard (I know not to take the words of a 6 year old as gospel) but that’s also not something a 6 year old would come up with?
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, DD told me she wants to stop seeing him on the weekdays and just see him EOW. When I asked why she said it would make her happier plus ex’s mum has told DD they are hiring a man to talk to me and ask me questions and if I get them wrong she will be taken off me and live with them.
I told her I will need to speak with her dad and he threw it back in my face saying I’m telling her to say these things and I’m manipulating her etc etc. DD said she was scared to tell him how she feels because he tells her it makes him feel sad and she doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I’ve told her she can’t hurt anyone’s feelings and her happiness is priority right now. DD told him and weekdays have stopped for a few weeks but I have her call him on the days she would normally see him to say hi etc which she isn’t keen on but does it.
I really try to make sure she has and keeps a positive relationship with her dad but he keeps threatening SS on me (fine I’ve got nothing to hide) and blaming me for what DD is feeling.
It got to the point the other week where I gave him an alternative number to communicate through because he keeps texting me these nasty messages. He’s refusing to use that number and telling me I’m stopping contact??? I’m not, she still calls him I’m just fed up of the shit. It’s really getting to me.
DD is speaking with someone at school about how she feels, I’ve had nasty letters through my door, I’ve spoken to SS and they said they can’t help because she’s not physically in danger. He keeps banging on about ‘evidence’ he has and I will get what’s coming to me.
I can’t afford court or legal advice. I’m scared that this is really going to affect DD. I cry most nights because she seems like a different girl. She’s been so happy at home and now she’s worrying again because she’s due to see him at the weekend even though I tell her he loves her etc. I’m so lost, I just want to get on with my life. I have posted before a similar thing but I’m at my wits end.
Thank you for getting to the end.