To delay my work review?

[Norrisskipjack]

im due a goal setting/ quarterly catch up with my manager and I absolutely know I need to not have it next week as he’s suggested.

This is because:

Ive had a really really tough couple of weeks at work. Lots has gone wrong partly through my fault but mostly through things out of my control. This has hit my confidence and mental health really really hard.

I’ve been struggling with the worst anxiety I think I’ve ever had, to the point where it got really really dark for a couple of days this week and I was having suicidal thoughts. I’ve NEVER experienced that before and it was really scary (GP appointment booked!).

I’m still not completely right, although a couple of good days have passed and I’ve been feeling more positive. I know though that I’m in now state to take criticism constructively and it’s likely to tip me back down again.

I want to delay my review until the week after next when I’ve had my GP’s appointment and I’ll hopefully be feeling a lot better and more able to take the feedback in the spirit it’s meant if that makes sense.

WIBU to ask to delay my review and if not, how do I phrase it without saying ‘I need to delay because my ego is currently a bit battered and it needs time to sort out its shit before we start hammering it again’

Can I not give a reason?

Cant stay online for long.....you can ask to delay your review.
......just wanted to say.....If you dont tell your employer about your mental health struggles.....it won't be able to mitigate any poor performance.....something to bear in mind.
Also....they'll likely say "no" without a good reason given to delay your review. It is their right to manage the contract...
Also...you may be afforded protection under the EA2010....however, employers cant be held responsible for any actions that have the effect of discriminating against your mental illness if they didn't know about it (or they could not have reasonably known about it.....sometimes its obvious without a disclosure being made) x

Ps dont be afraid of asking for an emergency GP appointment. Also...if it's out of hours and you're having suicidal thoughts....you can go to A&E or call 999. They'd be happy to see you/hear from you....they'll get you immediate help.
Also....theres a duty for your employers to consider adjustments to your work if you are afforded protection under the Equality Act....but they obviously cant consider this unless they know about your issues (or reasonably ought to have known about them without the disclosure having been made from you) x

I agree with the pp that it might be better to talk about the effect your work is having on your mental health and to ask for support, rather than make an excuse to delay the review.

Saying that you're 'not in the right frame of mind to get the most out of your review discussion' might be one way to phrase it to your manager.

Thanks folks. Work are aware of my diagnosis but I haven’t needed reasonable adjustments thus far.

I’ve disclosed my mental health to HR and to my line manager previously and I get semi regular check ins with both, although I’ve asked both not to talk about it unless I bring it up because i find talking about it distressing and it sets me back.

I treat my mental health very much as an illness, so when I’m recovering from a ‘flare up’ I want to avoid setting myself back again :(

Any idea how to phrase an email?

Hello
You might not realise this.....but you should love setbacks....they're a huge part of your recovery and are fantastic opportunities. Easy to beat yourself up after a setback and feel disheartened.....but without setbacks, you wouldn't make progress...you need them to recover and build resilience.

Regarding your email.....are you comfortable to assign the reason as to why you want your review to be moved to what's going on with your mental health currently?

There are many ways you can ask for this....and it doesn't have to be anything formal.......something like this might suit:

"Hi [Manager]. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind if we held my review meeting on [insert date]. I've had a few things going on of late, mostly linked to my mental health which has unfortunately taken a turn for the worse a few weeks ago. I feel I'd be in a much better position to engage with my review once I've checked in with my GP and have had some time to clear my head. I expect to feel much better after this time and so do hope this is OK with you . Any problems, please let me know".

I think it's a reasonable request........you might want to prepare yourself for some questions back such as, "sorry to hear that....are you up for a chat now?" Or "would you like to grab 10 minutes for a quick catch-up?"....welfare-y kinda responses x
(I expect this is what their HR person will advise them to do...!)