This may all be a bit of a jumble.
Okay so I am friendly with my partners best mates and their wives. There are 6 of us all together. The wives and I often get together and spend time with each other which I thoroughly enjoy.
I didn't used to always enjoy this as initially I put in a position when you are being made to feel you MUST get on with your partners best mates wives was difficult especially as we all have strong/different personalities. Please be aware this wasn't pressure from my partner, it was just the way I felt, that I HAD to get on with everyone. Anyways, we ironed all of that out a few years ago and have been great support for each other since.
Recently another couple have started spending time with our group.A couple that my partner and his grew up with but haven't ever really been involved in each others lives. I find the new woman in the group very confrontational and difficult to spend time with but I do not confront her as I do not want there to be a rift in the group and also because she scares me, so I grit my teeth. There are comments and digs about everything, if we are having a get together and she is drinking alcohol and you aren't she will say things like "you better have a drink, im drinking", comments about walking "you never come to my house and get me". I explained I like to walk on my own, i have an intense job and walking helps keep me calm and lets me wind down after mayhem but she doesn't listen and demands I go to her house to get her. I dont. I dont know if its because of my anxiety that I feel I have to explain myself to her but that's the way I am made to feel. It is all about this woman, if she is doing something, you have to do it. If you are doing something, she must be involved. Before this woman was part of the group I had heard about her and knew she was toxic but as my other friends have now introduced her I don't know what to do.
I dont want to talk about my concerns with my friends because if we aren't all on the same page, I am worried that they will say something to the toxic woman.
I am now at the point when I go home and think about this woman and her comments. I over think the comments. I feel like shit, I do not want to spend time with her which is resulting in me not wanting to spend group time with the other women because when this woman is involved its horrible and she's ALWAYS involved.
My partner isn't fond of the couple and doesn't want them in our house which is good in a way because gives me peace of mind but also bad because when its our turn to have a get together they will not be invited and I am the one that will be confronted by the woman.
I know people will say that I am my own person and not to spend time with her but its very difficult when we all get together for drinks. The original group is a very tight knit group but every time now, this woman is involved.
Can anyone please help me with how to cope with this woman, any anxiety techniques to block out what she says to help me stop over thinking it. Just anything as I am left feeling ridden with guilt for not liking this person when in actual fact, is just simply not a nice person.