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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dog maintenance should be a thing?

22 replies

HipHipHippoo · 04/04/2019 14:40

When I met ExDP 11 years ago, he had a dog and as he worked full time and I worked from home/had our DC I always did everything for DDog. Before he met me he often left DDog for 12 hours a day Angry

When we separated a couple of years ago, he abandoned DDog with me (as well as our DC) while he went and sofa surfed shagged around He earns in excess of £60k so has plenty to buy somewhere to live, but has chosen not to as far as I know.

Obviously I love DDog, as do the DC, but ExDP lied about him having a microchip, injections and pet insurance. As DDog is getting old now, he is increasingly having health issues which is costing me a fortune. Never mind how morally despicable it is to abandon his dog, to leave me paying for him as well as taking care of him and walking him daily is taking the piss, surely? I wouldn't consider rehoming him as we adore him, a shelter would likely PTS.

AIBU to think dog maintenance should be a thing in cases like this?! £160 down after a vet trip this morning which means beans on toast for me for the month Sad

OP posts:
itsinchicago · 04/04/2019 14:50

I see your point, actually.

Marshmallow91 · 04/04/2019 14:50

Totally think you're right. Other people will probably say no, but my dog is just a furry child so I get where you are coming from.

Maybe small claims court could help if you could prove that the dog is his?

Monkeybunkey · 04/04/2019 14:55

YANBU. When I separated from my ex, I kept the dog and he pays a set amount per month towards food and the monthly vet care plan. He also takes him for the weekend sometimes when he's sober enough to drive. Any big vets bills, we've claimed on the insurance and he's paid half of what it cost me (excess/non-included items etc.

PutyourtoponTrevor · 04/04/2019 15:01

Totally agree, it's shit you've been put in that position. A friend of mine was shocked when her insurance wouldn't pay out for a claim and it was because the dog's vaccinations hadn't been kept up to date. Having a dog is more responsibility that feeding and walking it

Littleraindrop15 · 04/04/2019 15:09

Totally agree, but, we live in a world where animal cruelty still exists and they haven't even sorted out child maintenance properly so many dispicable humans get away from their responsibility. Hope in the future they can make animal maintenance à thing.

JuniperNarni · 04/04/2019 15:10

He probably should yes, I dont suppose without a microchip there is any way of proving his ownership anyway though even if such a thing did exist.

The dog sounds very lucky to have you to care for it. Someone I know recently left an abusive relationship, he refused to hand the dog over, dog is locked in one room for 12 hours a day, not walked ever, hit, shouted at, not fed enough and not insured. RSPCA don't want to know. It's unfortunate for you that you've been given a very expensive responsibility that you didn't ask for but thankyou for being a good person OP and making sure doggy has a nice home.

Grumpelstilskin · 04/04/2019 15:12

I think that is more than reasonable to expect financial support in these kinds of situations. I read the title almost like car maintenance though Grin and think it would be good for many new inexperienced dog owners to take a ‘doggie maintenance’ class, as well as First Aid for pets etc. We should all know what to do in emergencies and what to look out for. I am always a bit surprised when people do not know foods and plants that are highly toxic to dogs and cats.

MeredithGrey1 · 04/04/2019 15:13

I see your point, but I wonder if he could argue (and I am not saying that I think this is a morally decent argument at all, so please don't flame me!!) that you are choosing to keep the dog, and could choose to get rid of it and so he shouldn't pay for your choice. That argument can't be made with children.

Stompythedinosaur · 04/04/2019 17:05

I agree! If I separated from dp we would have to have shared care of ddog.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 04/04/2019 17:08

In an ideal world, yes, but come on, they can’t even get the child maintenance system to do its job, let alone dog maintenance!

JagerPlease · 04/04/2019 17:08

I pay cat maintenance! Written into the financial consent order from divorce and everything.

Original poster
HipHipHippoo · 04/04/2019 17:11

He'd just have DDog put down rather than pay anything towards him

OP posts:
ABC1234DEF · 04/04/2019 17:12

Did insurance and vaccinations not come up in the 11 years you were together? They both require an annual renewal (or booster in the case of the vaccines)

ScreamingValenta · 04/04/2019 17:18

When I split up from an ex, he looked after the cat for a few months until I could take her to live with me, and I paid him a weekly amount for food and litter. It worked very well as a short-term arrangement.

MatildaTheCat · 04/04/2019 17:19

YANBU at all but doubt you can change his stance. Are you eligible to get help from the PDSA or similar? I have a dog of a similar age and like you, he’s starting to become more expensive.

Might be worth just checking the small claims court out. Especially if you can get a vet to agree that your dog still has a good quality of life.

adaline · 04/04/2019 17:22

Why didn't either of you get the dog insured at all in the eleven years you were together?!

Purplecatshopaholic · 04/04/2019 17:29

I think its becoming more common actually, as people share custody of the dog. When my husband cheated and left, 'our' dog became 'my'dog - I paid to buy him, I pay his insurance, food etc. If my Ex gave me maintenance I would feel obliged to let him see him which I do occasionally but its not a fixed arrangement

Original poster
HipHipHippoo · 04/04/2019 20:16

He said he was insured, adaline - I didn't think I would need to ask to actually check the paperwork. He did take him for 'boosters' obviously just an excuse to escape the kids for an hour

I'm not eligible for help from the RSPCA and I certainly can't afford any legal fees.

OP posts:
adaline · 04/04/2019 20:33

Boosters are nothing to do with insurance - in that, insurance doesn't cover booster jobs, you pay for them separately. So it's more than likely he was telling the truth on that one.

When did you find out the dog wasn't insured?

LostInShoebiz · 04/04/2019 20:40

Yes, license them all, any licensee has a responsibility to maintain the pet financially or profit from any receipts it generates.

Original poster
HipHipHippoo · 04/04/2019 22:05

No he didn't, the vet said he was years out of date and that ExDP had ignored reminders. I found out he wasn't insured when his health began to deteriorate and I asked for the insurance details to find there had never been any.

OP posts:
AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 05/04/2019 10:10

With regards to the microchip, do at least get that sorted (or if installed but registered to your ex) reregistered. It's a legal requirement, and will vastly increase the chances of lost DDog being returned to you.

The vet can microchip, and if it needs to have details updated can tell you how to do it. I adopted DDog privately (from someone who sounds rather like your ex...) and he was registered to an unknown third party. As I didn't have their details for consent they wrote to the address on the microchip, waited 28 days for a response (there wasn't one) then changed the details to mine. Presumably if it is registered to your ex the letter will just go to your home anyway.

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