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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift reciprocating

40 replies

Worzilgummidge · 04/04/2019 06:15

To be honest I'm stressed with all the expense in the family what with birthdays, christenings, Christmas etc I am on a tight budget as well.
My dn niece birthday is coming up and I don't want to sound petty but would it be awful not to give anything as I didn't receive anything from her on mine, to be honest I would tell everyone not to bother with me either. What you think would it be bad of me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 04/04/2019 07:43

Very good advice which makes alot of sense and I'm going to consider very carefully now over who I buy.
I will not be buying adult nephews and nieces any longer and will only buy thier children and for milestone birthdays.
In answer to one person's question do I give my grown up dn pocket money for holidays thats a no I meant pocket money for my nephews and nieces own children that I won't be doing.
They are going on dream trips that I will never be able to afford if the rest of the family want to do that it's up to them.

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Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 04/04/2019 07:49

To be honest mumsnetters I feel really depressed abt my finances everybody I my family gets on holidays etc and I can't seem to get the money together for anything not even a weekend away. My money just seems to disappear on rent and bills and food etc.
I see relations getting thier hair, nails done buying clothes etc going away and I never get anywhere. Sorry if I'm going off topic a bit.

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Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 04/04/2019 07:50

In my family that should say

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Springwalk · 04/04/2019 07:54

Your money is not disappearing Op.

Your money is being spent on them.

Their money is being spent on themselves and nice holidays.

If you ruthlessly cut back on gifts, in time at all you will have enough money to go away and enjoy a nice holiday :)

Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 04/04/2019 07:54

Feel like saying to hell with it.
My ds and sister also embarrassed me when a topic came up about money as my ds wanted something nice to wear for a christening and I wanted to treat him but couldn't. He said mom's always the short one in the family and he said to my sister I mean you aren't short of money like my mom and my sister replied yes I'm deffo better off than your mom.

OP posts:
RestingBitchFaced · 04/04/2019 07:55

Just send a card

Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 04/04/2019 07:57

Siblings all older than me and mortgages paid and they are retired living comfortably.

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Original poster
Worzilgummidge · 04/04/2019 07:57

Yes I'm gonna think only abt me

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strathmore · 04/04/2019 08:08

Family presents end at 18 here.

Order654 · 04/04/2019 08:15

I have an auntie that buys for me. I’m 29, she also buys for my 2 kids but I also buy for her birthday and her Xmas and her husband at Xmas.

If she only gave me a card I’d be fine about it. Both mine and her birthday and Xmas is within 10 days so it’s easy to get it over and done with.

My kids uncle doesn’t give them any money to spend as pocket money when going away so I’d stop that. That’s not your job.

Cards for all the adults. Little present for your nieces and nephews kids. Save some money and treat your own son!

Aus84 · 04/04/2019 08:34

Just say you have been feeling really guilty about the issues with climate change and have decided to not further contribute by buying people stuff. I just gift bake goods now, like a really fancy cheesecake or mud cake. I enjoy cooking anyway so it's win win.

Snog · 04/04/2019 08:36

Just send a card

georgie262 · 04/04/2019 08:39

I'm very close to my aunties but haven't had a gift from them for my birthday since I was a child. They don't buy for my children either but it would be ridiculous as I have 17 first cousins in my dads side so buying for all of the kids would just be unmanageable. A nice card acknowledges the birthday and says they've been thinking of me and I'm happy to take that. 😊

Happynow001 · 04/04/2019 08:41

What @BarbaraofSevillle said at 07.05. Also what Springwalk said about you spending your on family who spend their money on themselves/holidays.

I buy my mother birthday and Christmas presents and little bits throughout the year (eg stuff for her garden). The two youngest nieces, both in their 20's, are getting their last birthday gift this year, though they'll still get cards. I buy for milestone birthdays and for the last few years instead of buying Christmas gifts for the whole (large) extended family we do Secret Santa instead with an agreed maximum £budget, with immediate family units buying for each other.

Just one thing my dm thinks make an exception for my one dn who doesn't have kids to buy for
If this DN is an adult I'd not buy gifts for her either. Your DM could always buy for her..

My ds and sister also embarrassed me when a topic came up about money as my ds wanted something nice to wear for a christening and I wanted to treat him but couldn't. He said mom's always the short one in the family and he said to my sister

I mean you aren't short of money like my mom and my sister replied yes I'm deffo better off than your mom.
^^ That's not great. How old is your son? Perhaps sit him down and have an age appropriate conversation about talking about money even in the family. Having said that, cutting back on gifts to your better-off wider family will benefit yourself and your son.

Good luck @Worzilgummidge

Friedspamfritters · 04/04/2019 08:46

Like PP just give a card. I'm 35 and definitely don't expect gifts from aunt's and uncles - last got one when I was about 18! It's just expensive and wasteful to buy gifts for every member if the extended family.

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