to be hurt by this?

[Stargazer888]

My first post and I might be oversensitive. It's been a trying time so please go easy on me. I have a son with developmental trauma. He's going though a very rough time. He's 7 and he has some enormous meltdowns. This has been going on for years and we've been coping with a lot of issues since we first adopted him. We work with many specialists and it's been a long process. Lately things have been worse. My friends know of our struggles and how hard it can be for me to go out to meet them. I decided to invite a few of them over this weekend after he's gone to bed so I can socialize. All but one have been super evasive and not given me a reply. Today one of them said her and the other girls have been talking and they are worried they might wake up ds and he'll melt down so they don't want to come over. I'm not at all worried about this or I would never have invited them over. But even if he did I would deal with it like I always do. I'm just so hurt. I have felt so isolated lately and thought this would be a perfect way to get to see them when I don't have to worry about ds. I just feel like crap about it. I wish they had all just said no instead of telling me the reason. Maybe I'm being completely oversensitive, I just feel it would be better not to know why they didn't want to come over. It just makes me sad.

Words fail me Dvg.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. When stuff like this happens you find out who your real friends are.

It's great that you've met people through those support groups, hopefully they will be more understanding.

I know it might not feel like it right now but I promise not everyone is an asshole. There are plenty of nice people around who won't treat you like this just because of your son's issues. If you keep putting yourself out there and meeting new people then you will eventually end up with a network of good friends.

I wouldn't be giving them the option of 'playing it by ear'. I'd let your 'friend' (the messenger) know asap that you will no longer be expecting them on Saturday night and you will possibly catch up some other time. Carry on with your plans with your lovely friend who is coming to see you.

Thanks Weepingwillow!! I really am looking forward to it!

Barrenfields, That's kind of it isn't it?

Pregnantsea, Thank you. I do know some amazing people so I'm just going to put some renewed energy into those friendships.

Drum my dh just said the same thing. I'm going to do just that. I think it's easier on everyone that way.

I've just messaged everyone and told them I'm assuming it will just be me and Kate, but that if anyone else plans to come I'd like to know today. I have a feeling only Kate will respond and that's fine.

@Stargazer888 you are being very good about this. I'm not sure I could be as gracious as it really isn't fine at all. I'm sorry they are treating you like this.

@NWQM Thanks, I'm trying to be! One of them just replied that she'd "maybe like to come" and now I might have reached my are you effing kidding me limit.

Wtf! Maybe she'd like to come. Let her sod off. A simple yes or no is required. Are they always such hard work and indecisive?

I wasn’t going to post, then I thought about what I’d do in their situation, ie if I were one of your friends.

And the answer is that I’d make a big effort to come over, even though I don’t normally do socialising at all. A friend in need of support trumps my usual Saturday night plan of going to bed early.

No way in hell would I go to the pub instead.

I’m very sorry your ‘friends’ are so shit. But Kate sounds like a keeper - enjoy your evening.

It can be lovely to catch up with just one friend, enjoy Saturday night with Kate and hopefully your son will have a peaceful night too.

Thanks everyone! Honestly, you guys have gotten me through this. I was feeling really down and very isolated. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your support. I had one friend call and apologize to me and ask if she can still come over. So there will be three of us! This has been such a bizarre experience for me. I really thought it would be a simple yes or no and that would be the end of it. This became far more complex than I ever imagined.

Better one great friend than three shite ones. Now you've less people to cater for buy the nice snacks and a decent bottle of wine.

If you were my friend I'd be over like a shot. Enjoy your evening with your true mates.

I think they were well intentioned but screwed up. One of them has obviously realised that, so now there’ll be three of you which is nice. Sometimes people try to do right and fail - and as long as they learn from it, that’s ok.

Message her back: "oh, it's obviously too much effort for you to commit, so let me answer for you - you're not coming".

No?

I wouldn't want someone round who evaded my invite for so long whilst talking about it behind your back and planning to go to the pub instead.

My youngest has attachment issues. You have my sympathy.

Thanks everyone and Bloodsport you have my sympathy as well. It can be so hard and it's not something most people have even heart about let alone understand!

I had a friend round for tea this morning. She has two kids with similar issues and it was really nice to socialize. She asked if we could make this a regular thing so we can support each other and not feel isolated. I am thrilled she asked!