To ask you what you'd do

[TreatMeLike]

Not so much AIBU but advice much appreciated. Regular poster, NC for dignity privacy.

I was agoraphobic for...15 years. Social anxiety too. Lots of childhood trauma.

But I'm getting better! Very happy marriage, no DC. All my time is free time. No responsibilities. No money worries.

I appreciate all my privileges, but mentally I feel trapped with no meaning to my life whatsoever. There's no reason to get up. I force myself and keep busy by walking, cooking, bit of writing, etc. I have no family and 2 friends who live miles away. I've become so isolated and alone and I'm only in my 30s.

I need a life. I want a life. I don't know where to begin. My CBT therapist says she can't give me the answers, I need to work it out myself. My confidence and self esteem are really good at the moment. So.

I'm thinking of: fostering dogs, volunteering, part time work, joining a group. But where do I start?

There are so many strong, confident, capable women on here and I'd really appreciate any advice. I've worked incredibly hard to be, say, half recovered, I'm ready to get out there. I know full recovery means I need to engage and take on responsibility.

What would you start with? Sorry if this is super boring. Feel free to let the thread fall and die....

What about actually getting a dog?

DH says no to permanent pooch, but yes to fostering. If I baked him enough cakes though he'd come around...

Dogs - especially puppies - are very good at giving you focus and structure. And you get to talk to a lot of very varied people.

I was going to suggest Meet Up too. If you can find a walking group on there then for me that's the least threatening way to meet people. You could offer a lift or ask for a lift to the walking starting point so you're no turning up on your own. There's much less pressure for conversation if walking- you can just enjoy the scenery if feeling too anxious to talk to people.

Definitely agree with the volunteering.

Sounds like you're in a really positive place to move on with this - well done, it must have been incredibly hard. If something doesn't work out (like a meet up or a voluntary role) then please don't blame yourself. Most people out there will be incredibly supportive but some opportunities just might not be a good fit.

My local charity is going to be writing funding proposals later this year. Could you approach local charities and offer your services, given your skill set?

Could you provide a temporary home for dogs that are going to become assistance dogs? I believe when they are puppies they live in a home environment before starting proper training? A writing/book group sounds like something you'd enjoy? Do you drive? Can you provide lifts to the elderly to get them to certain activities? Volunteer for a foodbank? Lots of worthwhile things to do, good luck with the search x

I may need wine afterwards OP.
Our local animal shelter asks if you could (ideally) do one session a fortnight. No limits on how long or short it can be and you don’t have to do one a fortnight. Completely flexible.
Also instead of being “tied” could you think of doing one thing a fortnight say as structuring your time?

Update. I went. And they were lovely. Really enjoyed it. So pleased I went.

What about becoming a reader in a local school. Especially if there are any nearby that are struggling, have a high number of disadvantaged children etc.

You can go in once a week or so for an hour and listen to children read, ask them questions about the books etc. It's really rewarding to see the difference that it makes to the children. They make such big improvements in their reading and their confidence. They also get to feel really special having someone to read to.

The school would need to arrange a DBS for you and they would probably be able to print out a sheet with good questions to ask the children as they read.

I volunteer in my children's school and if time allows I will continue to do that after they have left.

Definitely volunteer. Something within your comfort zone - maybe in a care home or become an elderly befreinder or whatever else tickles your fancy. Maybe also an exercise class. Book group?