To ask why people sit in reserved seats?

[Leftoverdessert]

I absolutely hate train travel for this reason. I get that if the seat is reserved from a particular station and you haven't reached it yet and are ready to get up, fair enough, but the route I go on fairly regularly it happens to me almost every time - I book a seat and someone's sitting in it. I triple check always that I have the right seat but it's always so awkward to ask them to move as often they seem to get huffy or try to dispute it! They often also seem to scatter their things everywhere which makes me think they're just hoping the person won't turn up or will feel bad when they see they're looking so settled in.

This morning, I honestly couldn't be bothered for the scene as the woman in my booked seat had stuff everywhere and seemed to be asleep to boot, so now I'm just stood up feeling all annoyed. I hate confrontation and just can't be bothered for it first thing in the morning.

If I see a seat is reserved, I don't sit on it - why oh why do people do this??

I completely get what your point is, OP.

It's not your fault that people can be dickheads when you assert yourself - if 9/10 times you had a 'oh sorry' when you asked someone to move then you probably wouldn't mind.

But if 9/10 times they huff and puff, that confrontation is a pretty shitty way to start your day and why should you have to face that shitiness?

Not everyone has bullet proof thick skin and an iron strength sort of personality, I would start to dread it too.

they sit in the seat because 9 times out of 10 the person who has reserved the seat will do exactly what you did, stand there and be British!
that 10th time the person goes in and says oi fucker get outta my seat, they say blah blah, the person says its mine i booked it move, they do , the person sits, all is good with the world
try being the 10th person every time

Do you pay extra to reserve a seat?

OP, maybe I am mis-reading this but are you saying that if the train was from Aberdeen to London and the seat was reserved from Peterborough to London, you would rather stand all the way from Aberdeen than sit in the reserved seat?

As obvious as the answer to your OP is, people sit in reserved seats hoping that the person who reserved them never turns up, or if they do turn up, that they just choose another seat.

Some people take it further and try to make the person who reserved the seat feel awkward about asking them to move. I would be secretly pleased that such a cheeky person was being forced to move anyway, but then there are people like you who can be made to feel bad about it, which is what make sit a worthwhile strategy for them.

Of course I'm going to feel awkward waking someone up and asking them to move all their stuff! I do it mostly because I have to

There’s no “of course” about it. Posters are telling you it doesn’t make them feel awkward or if does, not awkward enough to to render them incapable of behaving like functional adults. Someone suggested going to find the conductor if you really don’t feel up to telling the woman to move - why not do that?

As for being thick skinned and assertive, good reason to develop those qualities is for your own sake, it helps get through life. Just tell her to get off your seat and try not to give two fucks if she gets huffy.

That's just it - it's a packed train, the person gets huffy or starts saying they need 'proof' that it's my seat, everyone stares. Not the greatest start to a morning and I have to steel myself for it, and this morning I was just not in the mood.

It's not being rule-driven, it's just basic courtesy. I would be embarrassed and apologetic if I was sitting in someone's seat and get up super quickly, but I'm a pretty meek person generally - hence why these people grind me down quickly. It puts all the onus on the asker when someone is asleep, tray table out and looking oh so comfy.

The only times I have had a ticket stating seats x and y are reserved for me is when I prebook a long distance journey. However there is nothing on the seat saying it's reserved so the people sitting in my reserved seats have no way of knowing they have been reserved.

They are chancing it, hoping you don’t show up.
I used to book seats for me and my four year old when we did regular long trips. They would get grumpy with me for asking, but they should book of they want a seat.

And it wasn't a super long journey I was taking (about 35 minutes) hence why I decided it just wasn't worth it. I know everyone says be more assertive but I get the vibe that a lot of these people are hoping they'll encounter someone exactly like me - hence why they get so huffy and aggressive about being asked to move.

But why would you stand if there is a "free for now" seat?!

I would sit in a reserved seat but be ready to leap up when requested. And I'll probably look suitably sheepish and say sorry.

The people you're describing OP are probably twats in many areas of life so I agree it's not the seat that's the problem it's your assertiveness. People can be dicks and that's life, we all need to stamp our feet occasionally to point their behaviour out

It's not being rule-driven, it's just basic courtesy

It’s basic courtesy not to be a huffy bastard when told you’re in someone’s reserved seat, yes. In which case, have your seat reservation ticket at the ready. They’re the ones who would end up looking bad, not you.

I would only ever sit in a reserved seat if it were past the station it was reserved from. I agree it's wrong to make people ask for their seat back as some are not assertive enough for this and shouldn't have to do it.

In OPs case the sitter probably is thinking the reservee didn't get on the train but she did, she just doesn't feel like creating the awkwardness of waking the woman, requesting her seat, and standing waiting while the many items are gathered up. To others on this thread who take seats before the requisite station, you could be doing this to others.

I thought sitting in an empty seat was the done thing if there were no seats available. You'd then quickly move if someone said that the seat was theirs. I'm not very assertive myself but wouldn't think twice about asking someone to move, even if they were asleep. If they were getting arsey about it I would just go and find a staff member and ask for them to sort it and they could do the conflict management for me. I don't blame people taking reserved seats on long journeys but they should be ready to move when the reserver comes along.

There are rude people everywhere but you should be able to sit in your seat if you have reserved it.

Happened to me yesterday. On long Journey London-Glasgow my reserved seat was occupied by a man working on his laptop. I said your sitting in my reserved seat very politely. He said sit in mine thats it, pointing to the seat across the table which was facing backwords to travel.
I said oh thanks but no please move to your reserved seat as I booked this seat that was facing forwards.
He said he prefers travelling this way, I said well easy enough to book a seat facing that way, he said they were all booked. Oh dear thats a shame, move please. He refused and ignored me so I went and fetched a guard to speak to him, guard checked both tickets his wasnt even booked for any seat, but he moved across I put out my laptop taking up half the space of the table he had the other half for his. Put in my ear phones and ignored his huffing and puffing just smiled to him each time. His face was a picture :-) Guard said if the ticket holder for this other seat comes you will be moved again.
Well done that guard, love Virgin Trains.

I become my inner "middle class matron" and ask clearly and loudly for them to move. They always do. I'm oblivious to any huffy nonsense.

I hate this too. But that said, sometimes I've turned up for my reserved seat to find that it's on a table of 3 other people, whereas there's an empty table, unreserved, next to it - so I'll take that seat. Leaves my reserved seat 'taken' and could potentially stop anyone else sitting there. (Or not, based on posts here!)

We had similar at the cinema recently - when you book online you have to choose your seats. We turned up early, and the only two other people there were sitting in our seats. They weren't pleased when we told them they were in our seats, and looked around at the empty cinema - but the point was we had no idea if the cinema was going to end up full eventually! So if we'd taken other seats instead of our own we could have been taking someone else's seats.

I do the same higgy best teacher's voice on, boom loudly, wave ticket around, step back to give them room to leave. It lalmost always works.

I met my match with a well dressed young gentleman who boomed back "How are you going to make me?"

I thought for a moment or two and boomed "I cannot believe you won't move from a seat you haven't booked" then leaned in and whispered "I'll stand here leaning, with my tits and arse brushing your face for the next 2 hours" - he went bright red and moved. As an ex teacher I don't mind dropping the decorum and being utterly coarse!

Yes, that's right: they are trying to intimidate you into letting them have your seat.
Maybe you can do it by that pantomime thing people do... wander up train, seat booking in hand. See the seat. Find someone sitting there. Frown. Check your ticket again. Check the seat number again. Frown again. Look behind you. Nope this is definitely the seat I reserved. Ask, them "I think this seat is reserved." They will look with surprise at the bit of paper. Maybe they will get up and apologise.

Maybe they will sit there. If so, ask them again "Has there been a mistake? Do you have your booking? Maybe we should find the guard. Sorry to be a nuisance but we will need this sorted out." Start looking around for the guard.
If they still don't move, then find the guard and let them sort it out for you.
If they leave any rubbish behind when they leave, ask them if its theirs.
Sit down. Look at your phone. Ignore them.

Guard said if the ticket holder for this other seat comes you will be moved again.
Well done that guard, love Virgin Trains.

Sounds good. What an entitled, lying twat. These people need to be challenged, not pandered to by people standing in the aisle rather than telling them to shift.

Are you female? I’m wondering if your seat hogger wouldn’t have needed guard intervention had you been a 6 2”, 15 stone bloke with anger management issues...

Daily rail commuter here. 9/10 of the time the reserved seats on my route don’t seem to be claimed by the ticket holders. Will happily vacate them should they turn up, like any reasonable person, but I’m not going to sardine into the aisle/doors while there are free seats in the carriage. If that’s what OP expects, YABU. If you are unhappy with repeatedly having to argue with seat-hogging arsehats, YANBU.

Because very often it does not say where the seat is reserved from and to. I've often got on a train at Birmingham for example and sat in a reserved seat - nobody ever arrives to claim it - its quite possible the seat was reserved from Edinburgh to Leeds but without some kind of indication I've no idea. If someone asks for it, I'll move or stand. I am not going to stand for a whole journey if I don't need to.

Also because sometimes its safer to sit in a reserved seat than risk getting crushed by standing and it makes more space for anyone who is standing

For example last week I travelled from Birmingham to London. I sat in a reserved seat because every single seat on the train seemed to be showing as reserved but most were empty. No one turned up. No one hung about looking agitated, no one asked me to move

If its your seat, ask if not take your chances and sit where you can

OP, channel the collective assertiveness of MN next time!

A nice curt "You're in my reserved seat." might cut short huff/puff if you come across as confudent.

Know that you're in the right, you don't look like a knob (they do) and you might feel like everyone else is watching, but in reality they don't give a shit!

I need to practice my assertiveness more often, too. It's an ongoing process.

I will always sit in an empty seat reserved or not.

I will also always immediately vacate a reserved seat should the person come and find their seat.

The issue arises from people booking seats and then not using them. I’m not going to let a perfectly good seat sit empty!

I always ask them to move except last week when someone's toddler was in my seat and a) I would have felt mean b) he was bashing the seat back so I didn't fancy sitting next to him on his mum's knee!

I love a good confrontation! Rarely get them these days. Shame!