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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To pull out of Holiday.

41 replies

Whoops75 · 02/04/2019 23:59

Sister in law and my brother are due a baby this summer. They live abroad and my siblings and Ihad planned to go and see them, nothing booked yet.
We will be traveling together and sharing accommodation.

My sister added to the WhatsApp group that her husband will be joining us. No previous conversation was had, it was presented as a done deal.

Group is now split, some are fine others are a bit meh and I’m now not interested in going. I like him and there will be others to chat too I now just don’t want to go.
I think it’s because we will have to reign in the sibling fun & jokes. It’s also because my dh can’t come and I would loved him to be there.

We hardly ever all get together so it will be a missed opportunity to do that but it’s a lot of expense for a family photo

What do ye think?
AIBU

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery · 03/04/2019 12:59

It’s also because my dh can’t come and I would loved him to be there

So if he had been able to come he’d be going?

Why should your sister not take her DH then?

Original poster

Whoops75 · 03/04/2019 15:13

What I meant by that is there is no pressure on sil, her messages today were very positive. She has lots of friends where they are going to be.
The dynamic ye talk about doesn’t happen because we are seldom all together, I had just thought it would be that way and bil would change it. It’s the first time in 4 yrs the 7 of us will be in the same place at the same time.

I wouldn’t invite dh to an event unless other partners were going and he wouldn’t go.
My sil probably has to bring him, he’s a bit old fashioned about socializing separately.

I’ll figure it out

Thanks again

OP posts:

Rach182 · 03/04/2019 19:33

@Whoops75 I'm glad your SIL is genuinely on board. Hope you're all able to go on the trip as if it's the first time all 7 (huge family!) of you will be together in 4 years, it would be a shame to miss the opportunity for anything other than financial reasons.

Namechangedforbabyname · 04/04/2019 15:12

I find this bizarre? I'd be shocked and furious if my sibling expected me to go and visit a new family baby without my husband! He's a member of the family too! I do think you'd be being very very unreasonable if you don't go because of this! Not to mention selfish and spoilt. Your brother is having a baby and you're not going to meet him/her because your sisters husband is also coming?! This is insane.

Namechangedforbabyname · 04/04/2019 15:14

Cant you just bring your husband too, rather than expect your sisters husband to miss out?!

Original poster

Whoops75 · 04/04/2019 16:44

Insane!! Really?
Do you have s big family?
It get a lot crazier that this lol
My dh needs to do childcare here and also he has booked a match weekend away with friends and it’s quite expensive to travel in August.

These forums don’t really work in scenarios like this, was too many assumptions being made that are not relevant.

OP posts:

VladmirsPoutine · 04/04/2019 16:50

YAB-extremely-U but it sounds like you already know that.

whitesoxx · 05/04/2019 11:49

You're jealous because you won't have your DH there. You think you'll be left out.

Looks like the sibling in-jokes are out and the petty sibling rivalry is in! I'd still go but it's completely up to you obviously

saraclara · 05/04/2019 12:18

When my inlaws welcomed me as part of their family, I learned something valuable straight from the off. There were no caveats, no 'birth family only' events, when I married their son. I was family and their attitude has been a joy to me for 40 years.

Now my daughters have partners, I want them to feel the same. Yes, it's lovely when my daughters and I have a bit of time just us (and sometimes I'd encourage my late husband to visit his mum on his own so she could have undiluted time together), but I would never expect a sibling to leave their partner behind in order to create 'birth family only' time.

I do understand that you had a vision of this holiday in your head, and you're a bit disappointed. But it's a bit illogical.

Sashkin · 05/04/2019 18:42

Insane!! Really?
Do you have s big family?

I think the part that Name thought was insane was that you were travelling ostensibly to meet your new baby nephew/niece, but suddenly weren’t fussed about seeing them at all because your BIL, who you apparently really like, is also coming. Your priorities seem a bit skewed. You want to see the new baby, the new baby will be there, who cares who else is there?

mrscampbellblackagain · 05/04/2019 18:47

I think it is quite simple. You and your siblings were going away minus partners. One sibling has unilaterally decided to bring their partner. This is rude. She should have checked that was ok with everyone first.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 05/04/2019 18:55

YABVU. He is your brother-in-law, so in effect a sibling too, just not one you grew up with. He is part of your family now whether you like it or not and you shouldn’t attempt to exclude him, or throw a wobbler and refuse to go if he attends just because your husband can’t.

mrscampbellblackagain · 05/04/2019 18:57

Lordy I like my bil but in no way is he my sibling.

Absolutepowercorrupts · 05/04/2019 19:23

So there are 4 siblings, all married with children. How does that add up to the 7 of you being together? So who is the 7 that will be together for the first time in 4 years.
Your DH doesn't like your sibling holidays but would go if the other recently invited Bil was there. The Bil that is old fashioned and doesn't like separate socialising. Clear as mud.

dreichuplands · 05/04/2019 20:27

I have a big family and with that a big age spread, some bil/sil are as close as siblings some are not. I treat them all in the same way I would treat a sibling. It makes managing a large group easier.

LadyGregorysToothbrush · 05/04/2019 20:42

So there are 4 siblings, all married with children. How does that add up to the 7 of you being together? So who is the 7 that will be together for the first time in 4 years.

Nowhere did the OP state that there were 4 siblings, where are you getting that from?!

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