Myself and ex have been separated for two and a half years. He has a porn addiction and was emotionally abusive towards me throughout our relationship. When we split up he decided to move over 2 hours away, which he now uses as an excuse to only see our four year old son once a month. He pays the minimum in maintenance only because I have threatened to take him to the CMS. He changed jobs recently and refuses to give me up-to-date financial information. He used to pay for half of his after school activities but unless I nag and whinge he won't do it.
When he does see him he does not have him over night. He will have him for Saturday 9am-5pm and the same on Sunday. Sometimes he will plan fun weekends, other times he will not and he will call me wanting to drop him off early. Frequently he has sat outside my house with our little boy in the car, giving him a dinner of sandwiches, waiting for me to return because there's 'nothing to do.' He never contacts our son in the periods between seeing him. He never asks how he is, how his nursery is going, literally nothing until the weekend he is due to see him.
He is meant to have him for a week every school holiday but isn't during the Easter as he has 'no annual leave' (he uses it to go out with friends and on holidays with his girlfriend). In a recent telephone conversation he said to me that he 'never wanted this financial responsibility, never wanted the responsibility of having a child, we were too young (mid-20's!)' Whenever I bring up my legitimate concerns he always says he has well-being concerns of his own (only saying this to be spiteful). I am honestly sick of him, his attitude but I am concerned about my four year olds behaviour. I always make an effort to compliment his dad and say how great he is, as that is what I believe to be in the best interest of my son.
Now: my son rarely mentions his name. Maybe once a week at best. Recently, when its brought up that he is seeing his daddy he expresses that he 'does not want to, he does not love his daddy.' When I probe him on why this is the case he says 'he wants to spent more time with mummy.' This is not the case of him being clingy to me. He never says this about his nanny, grandad, cousins, my partner. Only ever about his daddy. He also has said on numerous occasions that he doesn't want to go to his daddy's house, to the point of sobbing and throwing tantrums. I have had to bribe or coax him into going for the past few months. When I told him he was not going at Easter he was happy about it and seemed relieved.
His attitude is horrendous, and I cannot believe that four years on he is still intimating that our son is a financial and responsibility burden. I have no idea what to do in my son's best interest. I don't want to force him to see his daddy if he doesn't want to, but he is four so far too young to make such a decision. I have tried having so many conversations with his dad but it just falls on deaf ears. It is utterly shit and utterly pointless.