Anyone with social anxiety. I really, really need help

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I just don't know what on earth is wrong with me. I meet people and I don't why, I just get so tense. I can't relax. Am I saying the right thing? Will they tell me off? Shall I do this? Is this ok? Should I do that? Is it ok to mention this? They don't like me. And on and on. Just constantly thinking whether what and how I'm saying something is acceptable.

I'm better one to one but in groups I literally melt into the background. I just can't speak and end up just smiling or looking like a spare part.

Im worried i come across as stuck up or rude which couldn't be further from the truth. All I want is to talk to people and make connections and do small talk and be friendly etc but inside I'm dying.

Its been going for far too long now. Since childhood and I just can't seem to deal with it effectively. I've tried cbt on the NHS and that was crap. I've read loads of books and I just can't seem to be rid of this terrible illness. It's ruined my life, my career, my ability to make friends and have relationships. I just don't know where I'm doing wrong or if just unfixable.

Its a long shot, but is there anyone out there who has overcome this and made some progress. I hate my life.

Samind Thank you I am exceptionally proud of myself because as I mentioned in a previous comment I’m now in a management role, yet years ago when I couldn’t leave the house that was thought impossible.

Can I be personal and ask what happened that helped along the way? Or was there a lightbulb moment?

It was Christmastime and I just broke down emotionally in front of my parents. After a long chat they really, really urged me to see a GP and, wanting to make them proud and not spend my life inside the same four walls, I made an appointment and it went from there.

Yes, I recognise that it put a lot of strain on my DH mentally as he had to care for me. He couldn’t go anywhere unless I was with my parents as he couldn’t leave me alone; I wouldn’t cope.

It was a hard time for us both but he stuck by me and supported me through my illness and I will be forever grateful to him. I think we came out of it so much stronger because those years were so tough.

Your post gave me goosebumps! That is genuinely thee nicest post! It gives hope to others as well and you've obviously worked so hard to get where you are now. It must of been so daunting to push yourself constantly.

Think that a lot of us take these simple basic things for granted. You and your husband stuck by each other! Give yourself all the credit in the world

Samind I really appreciate that, thank you It’s why I try to tell my story as often as possible, so people realise it’s not over and there is hope no matter how dire your situation may seem.

That’s it - people walk down the street, go shopping, work etc. every day without a care in the world. They don’t realise how hard that first step into the street can be for some people, how difficult things they see as basic or simple can really be.

I had to explain it to a lot of people because they simply didn’t understand why I couldn’t leave the house, why I was anxious just going to the shop, why I was terrified every time the phone rang. They just didn’t get it and sometimes no amount of explaining helped.