To find school rewards a bit rubbish

[AverageHuman]

DS’s infant school give out stickers for exceptional behaviour every day. The kids all sit and listen every day to who gets praised. DS never gets rewarded. He is just generally good in all areas.
He’s got upset about it a few times and I’m not really surprised. It’s the same kids getting praise (as they are always doing exceptionally well with writing etc) but also others who are normally bad at listening etc but have made progress are also getting stickers.
AIBU to think it is a bit rubbish? Or should I just be helping him to find ways to go over and above what he’s already doing to get him a reward? He’s already exceeding in maths and reading but handwriting is not perfect and he’s not writing pages and pages of his own work yet.. i want to support him but not pressure him, how to find the balance?!?!

There's definitely a gap in awards for generally good eggs. They really do make a class but are easily taken for granted and overlooked, especially if there is a needy cohort either for good or more challenging. You certainly notice in a class that has a deficit of them.

The DCs school do two stars of the week, so statistically they should get them twice a year. Some do get it for being an all-round nice kid that does a consistently decent job.

I have one of each, a child that's clever, quiet and consistent.

A child that is suspected dyslexic (too young for testing by three months!) Talkative and only just stopped getting warnings for that (weirdly taekwondo helped the most there)

Conversely to reports on this thread, it's the quiet clever one that is constantly getting stickers and awards and the loud one who gets nothing.

Which I find annoying because this school leans towards just awarding the clever kids. Which my clever kid says herself "doesn't make much sense, I don't have to try but dsis is always trying. She deserves it more than me"

I don't think teachers can win here.

I advise getting your child to seek attainment and awards outside of school.

Taekwondo has worked wonders on both of ours.

I can see it from both sides too. You don't want to overlook the kids who always behave well but on the other hand you do want to encourage good behaviour from the less mature children.

I think some schools do consider this and won't give awards to the naughtier children even when they do something really good (beyond just behaving well for once).

So it's swings and roundabouts.

Thank you. The specific tips are useful.

I do thank god that I don’t have anything more serious to worry about but still I want to support him.

DH has offered to give him some extra help to bring him up in areas the teacher has said he could improve on, so it’s not all on me to try and work on it.. phew!

I don’t think the kids in the middle get ignored. They are the kids who are getting the lessons pitched at their level. The ones struggling need extra help and encouragement, and the ones at the top need a challenge. The ones in the middle are the ones that it’s all generally working for to begin with.

However, when they’re tiny and they’re so pleased with a bit of praise for being kind and a sticker, the teachers should make sure everyone gets a turn at that.

This happens at my child’s school. He is always good, performing well above his age range and generally a delight to have in the class - not my words, the class teachers. However, he is yet to receive any of the awards that are offered as, in his words, ‘they go to the naughty children who are good for a change and ‘specific children’s names’ who are loud and always have to go first at everything’.
Unfortunately, one of these children attend an out of school activity with my son, and we get to witness this pushy behaviour week in week out. Again, the child is often rewarded for being ‘keen and eager’ when to the outside world, they are unable to take turns and have to be heard over everyone else.

My child has sen and in primary. He gets copious stickers every day as sitting in his chair and not wacking child next to him is frankly a brilliant day for him. BUT he is deemed not bad enough for special school.

I can see both sides really, I have 5yo twins in the same class, one us generally good but not really keen on making efforts to be extra good or help out in the classroom, the other has suspected SN, hits his classmates, has trouble focussing etc.

The first one gets the occasional «good work» sticker but not often. The second one gets praised if he doesn’t hit for ine dau, and gets to choose a special reward if he achieves his 5 targets in a day (sit still, don’t hit, raise hand before talking, look people in the eyes, ask to go to the toilet).

At times it seems unfair, but really the second one has to make such efforts to achieve this that it is fair to reward him. His days are harder than the first ones are.

The last few posters have made really good points. Maybe we should be pointing out to the children who find concentrating easy, how lucky they are.

The last few posters have made really good points. Maybe we should be pointing out to the children who find concentrating easy, how lucky they are.

Klj29 that sounds a bit like adhd, perhaps the child is being rewarded when they are managing to take turns and not be pushy?! Well they should be anyway!

My son is quite active and very eager to learn, he might come across as a bit much at times but he just craves love basically, he’s very affectionate and likes words of encouragement and praise. He’s not getting that at all at school as he’s not super bad or super good.

@arethereanyleftatall your friend could've made a little conversation with Emily time to time if she wished!

My dd is on year 3, is very bright and well behaved and since September she has had "star of the week" 4 times and 2 reading awards.
She is in a class of 30, pretty even split boy/girl but I believe the boys behaviour ( around 10/15 boys ) is generally atrocious.
The girls seem to be faring much better and dd said that they don't tend to reward the naughty ones.

This is quite different to when ds was at the same school several years ago. He's currently in year 11.
There were a group of children in his class who were consistently naughty, one was horrific.
They always seemed to get a certificate which annoyed a lot of children and parents but I used to say that they must have done something good to deserve it.

Another factor is the teacher. Dd said that some teachers clearly have favourites! I told her not to be silly, of course they don't etc but wondering why a 7/8 year old would think this.
On the whole though, her school does reward consistent good behaviour/effort over someone being naughty all the time and having one good day and being acknowledged. They do have other strategies for rewarding the above type of behaviour ( I'm there a lot so see it ) and it seems to work.
As dd moves up the school though I've noticed the competitiveness has increased within the classes.

I was this kid. A grade student but never A*, so I never won achievement prizes or the improvement awards. PPs have already given you some great advice about how to talk to your son, so just to say that although I found it irritating at the time, it didn't scar me for life and in fact I've often received high praise in the (two very different!) careers I've had in my life. School isn't the only time to shine.

As a teacher I have a list of who I have given certificates to so I do everyone at least once. Then I get the children to nominate someone and they have to give a good reason why. It's always interesting so see who they chose when I say it can't be their friends 'because they play with me'. I also choose sticker spies who each choose three people at the end of the day and tell them why they are getting a sticker. The spies change each day and everyone gets a turn as we go down the register. The children are great at this now and really look for good reasons to give a sticker. It's a win win as I don't have to worry about it except to keep an eye on anyone not getting any and my class are really looking for and appreciating positive behaviour.