To not want ds friends over?

[MamaBear8686]

Ds is 7. Lots of his friends from school have play dates and ds is occasionally invited to one boys in particular. I know the polite thing would be to return the favour but I honestly can't stand having other kids round. I get really stressed about the responsibility of looking after other people's children which is ridiculous and unfounded but I can't help it.

Also feel like our house is pretty boring compared to his friends who all have trampolines and PlayStations and stuff. Ds is quite happy to read, play Lego, kick a ball around or draw but his friends complain that they're bored when they come round and there's not a lot to do.

I know it would be nice for ds to see more of his friends and I'm going to try and make more of an effort but Aibu to hate play dates with a passion? 🙈

YANBU to hate it but YABU if you don’t allow ds to invite his friends over. Don’t pass your issues on to him.

@Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump it's not that I don't allow it, I guess I just don't initiate it very much. If he asked me I would let him have a friend round but when said friend is here it's often just complaints about being bored and what can we do next so makes me wonder if they really enjoy it

You can hate it but your son will miss out if you don't let him have people over, especially as he gets older.

Yanbu to hate it but yabu to not do it. His invites will start to dry up if he doesn't ask his friends back in return.

I recently had one of DS little friends over, within 20mins he too was saying he was bored and asking to watch telly! We have Loads of toys, and they are 4.. we're like you tho Op and don't have any 'cool' toys (ie no weapons or tech!) so I'm a bit apprehensive about doing it again...

I thought about taking them out next time, eg park or swimming or similar, might that be an option? I know playdates can be a pain in the arse but it's polite to reciprocate occasionally at least!

Take a pal to the park and do a treasure hunt then let the boys make homemade pizzas with you?

I get that play dates can be stressful but I think they are really nice for kids. Maybe do one a fortnight?

@Snog once a fortnight 😱😱😱

I could take them to the park I suppose, gets them out of the house and away from our lack of exciting toys. Ds does have an iPad but they just end up arguing over it and apparently Lego and colouring isn't cool anymore :/

My rule is secondary school invites only. Primary school =too much supervision needed.
I relented a while back and ds 10's friend clicked a sock on our old shabby stairs and announced I had to get my sewing basket out right now as they were new!!
Over 11's only in future!!
*disclaimer as I have 6 dc at home already the urge to add to that is zero.

It’s not about you and your feelings of inadequacy re ‘fun things’. It is about facilitating your Son’s friendship and not being a user who is happy for other parents to do the work but won’t do any of it yourself.

Invite the boy over.

If they are only over for a few hours then UABU.
What I used to do with DDs friends were to invite them over for a day trip, then we'd get back around 6pm, have food and then stick them in the garden for a sleepover in tents.
Mind you, I only did this in the Summer .
Then they'd have breakfast in the morning and leave by 11am the next day.
Always worked well for us, and I always tried to make sure that DDs could have friends over.
I never had any as a child, as my mum was bi-polar and couldn't cope with other people in the house.
One night a friend (when we were 12), came for a sleepover.
My mum tried to cut her own wrists, cue ambulance and lots of panicked kids.
Stayed up all night being conforted by my friend.
Never, ever had friends over after that. Stayed at theirs instead.

If you don't like them at your house then host them elsewhere, the park, a local ice cream place, cinema anywhere else you go with your dc.

Depends entirely on the child who comes over - some are definitely easier than others! We’ve had one or two that will never be invited back again.
We also don’t have games consoles. I try and get them out, either in the garden or to a park. We get ice cream at the park then back home for lunch / tea, then it’s their home time. Job done!

My mother was a bit like you OP, very rarely reciprocated play dates and it was all a bit embarassing growing up when other parents were quite clearly doing all the legwork in terms of facilitating their kids friendships. Later in life I actually thanked some of these parents as a few of these kids went on to become life long friends
despite my mother making zero effort with them. Although she never expressly forbade me inviting my school friends around she made it so bloody obvious that she would rather not have them in the house I simply stopped bothering to ask.

Yabu. Friendship’s are important especially if your child’s an only. Make the effort,I know it’s difficult but it does get easier the more you do it.

Thanks for the comments. Time to pull my finger out I guess

MamaBear8686

Thanks for the comments. Time to pull my finger out I guess

Hang on, this is not how it works, you are supposed to ignore all advice, drip feed some crucial information that tilts the argument in your favour before resorting to personal attacks on page 34 and flouncing from the forum in a huff.

7 is young to manage a couple of hours without a little structure/guidance
when my dc were in the infants, I used to do a craft activity or baking with them to fill up some of the time.

@PanGalaticGargleBlaster I think your comment is amazing 😂

Seriously though, how often are play dates supposed to happen once kids are in school? And can you just throw cookies/ cakes / pizza at them?

I hated it when Dd was Primary aged too, I occasionally did, but really tried to avoid it.
As a teen I'm fine with it though, they entertain themselves, do their own thing and I get an insight into what's going on as Dd isn't much of a talker.

My mil was like this about friends in the house. My dh said it really stunted some of his friendships and really it’s quite uptight and unwelcoming. Of course it’s a bit of a pain looking after extra kids but sometimes you have to put yourself out.

Den building in the woods will be a hit guaranteed

@PanGalaticGargleBlaster 😂😂😂 taking things onboard after specifically asking for advice generally doesn't happen here does it

Do you have a garden? If so give them a couple of water pistols and let them have a water fight then a picnic tea outside if the weather is nice. Just don't forget to tell the other parent their DC needs to bring a change of clothes!

Could also take them swimming and for something to eat after at the cafe as an alternative to entertaining at home.

I found a couple of hours enough at that age. Take them to the park then feed them and let them watch telly if they want. It’s not all day everyday. They tend to need quite a bit if input itherwise at 7 or get everything out!

It gets easier as they get older I promise.