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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Getting fed up with family and friends

20 replies

Ellieisdancing · 01/04/2019 12:09

Am I being unreasonable? Or is this just hormonal? I'm 40 weeks pregnant this week and now I'm at the end I'm getting tired, sore and frustrated. The worse part is that both family and friends keep texting to see whether or not I've 'had any signs', or telling me 'I've not long to go'. It all came to a head the other night and I really broke down with my partner. I'm just fed up of the last 10 weeks being filled with comments like these off family and friends. Especially now I'm being told that this person will want to visit when our LG is born and this person wants this that and the other. Surely it's the decision of me and partner when people visit etc? I get everyone is excited to meet her, but so are we especially since I've been carrying for a full 9 months and it's looking like things are going to over by due date which is another added stress. I'm just getting really down and frustrated with unhelpful comments off people.

OP posts:

SansasSnatch · 01/04/2019 12:13

Someone needs a nap

It’s normal! Annoying though I know but these people are your family! Your friends! They care about you.

Good luck!

Hollowvictory · 01/04/2019 12:16

Switch your phone off.

burritofan · 01/04/2019 12:16

You can mute texts and temporarily block numbers. Just send a single reply saying "No news since you last asked :) Muting everyone now until there is news as you're the 100th person today to text and I'd like to nap". Mute. Enjoy the blissful silence, announce the birth when you're ready, make sure DP plays gatekeeper for arranging visitors and chivvies them out the door when they overstay their welcome. Next time, don't mention a due date!

ThreeLeggedCat · 01/04/2019 12:19

Direct them to www.haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com

You’re welcome

elQuintoConyo · 01/04/2019 12:20

Turn off notifications.
Put phone on silent.
Only text people you want to text.
Text 'no, and stop asking' to whoever is left on your list.

Literally just step away from your phone.

As for visitors, tell your partner what you'll be comfortable with (none for two weeks, GPs at home, no visitors in hospital etc, visits no longer than 1 hour, visitors bring own biscuits, make own tea - whatever boundaries you want), he must be the gatekeeper and be the one to say 'no' to boundary pushers.

good luck!

Heronwatcher · 01/04/2019 12:24

They are just excited! Just send a polite reply asking them not to ask again but that you’ll let them know when there is any news. As to after the baby is born if you’re not up for visitors just say no we’re all a bit tired/ baby is napping/ I’m feeling rough can we reschedule and repeat until they get the message!

QueenEhlana · 01/04/2019 12:27

I hated this so much. I put my DH on text duty, telling him that NOBODY would like my response if people continued to badger me. I was 2 weeks late with DS and those 2 weeks.... Aughhhh!!!!!!

I threatened with taking them off the pre-prepared texts and emails that we had, (ready to go with everyone's details, just needing the actual details of sex, time of birth, name, etc.) if they and the dozens of others who were texting me several times a day didn't bloody well stop.

With DS2 I appointed 1 sister to be the go to, so I only spoke to her and my DM, and everyone else spoke to her. Soooo much easier! Of course DS2 came right on due date, so it wasn't as much of a problem....

NCforthis2019 · 01/04/2019 12:34

Chill out. People are just excited. Just turn your phone off.

ParisWilton · 01/04/2019 12:39

I agree it's annoying. I ended up replying to one relative telling them that for every time they contacted me wanting an update etc, that was another day they'd have to wait until I would invite them round to visit.

As for visitors do whatever you feel comfortable with. Just be non committal and respond sling the lines of 'well let you know when we're up for visitors'

UserFriendly14 · 01/04/2019 12:40

I agree with what others have said re pre baby texts.

After baby visits, you need to be strict and if you’re not up having people round, please stand your ground. It’s one thing I really regret post baby.

Disfordarkchocolate · 01/04/2019 13:00

I remember crying when I saw the GP at 40 + weeks because I could not cope with being sick/constant weeing/no sleep and being the size of an elephant. I think was very quite abrupt with everyone towards the end and they all forgave me when the massive baby appeared. State now that there will be no visitors until we say so and get your husband to tell everyone to back off. The crying helped, by the way, I'd had enough.

Susanna30 · 01/04/2019 13:04

It's annoying because you're in discomfort and have a lot going on. But they are just excited.

I'd second PP, I also wish I had waited a while before having people to visit. People stay too long, want cups of tea (when you're still sore and moving around isn't easy), house needs tidying and you're exhausted. Wish I'd been strong enough to delay visitors until I was ready.

Side note.. someone kissed my 4 day old baby on the lips in the middle of winter. I was furious. That's another reason I wish I hadn't had visitors.

hazell42 · 01/04/2019 13:19

Yes, its your hormones.
It's also annoying, but I'm prepared to bet that you would be equally upset if no one enquired how you were doing.
Just keep telling yourself that what they really mean is 'thinking of you'.
And that is nice.
They are not to know that 500 people have said the same thing.
They almost certainly are not placing demands on you, just letting you know you are in their thoughts.
Congratulations

HollyBollyBooBoo · 01/04/2019 13:25

Help yourself, just switch your phone/s off or on mute? Not a hard one to solve!

Damntheman · 01/04/2019 13:29

A friend of mine went a few weeks over recently. I wondered a lot about if she was starting labour or not. Did I ask? No I bloody well did not because I'm not rude! I waited and a few days later an announcement arrived, that's how it should be.

If you lose your shit with a few of them they'll probably stop. Or you could mute. Don't feel obligated to respond to those questions if you don't want to! You owe them nothing at all.

JassyRadlett · 01/04/2019 13:31

Text back ‘yes, she was born last Tuesday, totally forgot to mention it. Soz.’

Hopefully make them reflect on what daft questions they’re asking - either ‘hey! I expect to know if you’re in labour!’ or ‘hey! Did you have the baby and not tell anyone?’

I’m sure they mean well but people are thoughtless. Why do so many people seem unable to ask a heavily pregnant woman ‘how are you? How are you doing?’ rather than HYHTBY? It’s a much better way of showing they care.

MatchSetPoint · 01/04/2019 13:48

Switch your phone off, close your social median accounts and grab a cup of tea and some chocolates and have a relaxing afternoon in front of the TV.

MeredithGrey1 · 01/04/2019 14:01

Text back ‘yes, she was born last Tuesday, totally forgot to mention it. Soz.’

Hopefully make them reflect on what daft questions they’re asking - either ‘hey! I expect to know if you’re in labour!’ or ‘hey! Did you have the baby and not tell anyone?’

I always think this when people post here talking about non-stop texts from close family asking if the baby is here yet. Why do they think you'll have the baby and just not mention it until asked??

MrsBartlettforthewin · 01/04/2019 14:05

OP I remember this especially with DC1. Was so glad that we lived in an area that didn't really get mobile reception. Send out a mass text saying that you are turning off your phone until baby is here and you will let people know when you are ready to have visitors etc.

As476 · 01/04/2019 14:31

No advice for the texts, as I handled it badly haha. But when I had my son I didn’t let anyone into the hospital except my partner and my mum, and then as he was born on a a close relatives birthday I let him sneak in as long as he promised not to tell anyone he had been in. Everyone else had to wait until I got home, and even then weren’t allowed round unless they unpacked a box (we had just moved). My new home was set up incredibly quickly! I’d recommend that to anyone, say to people you are more than welcome to visit but please pick a chore and crack on 😂😂😂

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