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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex Not Moving out

26 replies

ZeroToleranceLeft · 01/04/2019 10:54

I'm posting this here to get a female perspective on things. Hope that's OK.

For background:

I split with GF (not married) in November last year and it was mutually agreed that she should move out. The plan was for this to happen in January or February at the latest.

The house is in my name as she has a terrible credit rating and we couldn't get a mortgage if she was in any way attached to it. We decided to split the cost of the mortgage 50/50 but I pay around £200 more a month in regards to bills and food shopping. I also put up the entire deposit on our 3-bed home. I've agreed to pay her an equity share of the property when she leaves and not before.

I'm getting increasingly frustrated with her behaviour and that of her son (21) who is still living here.

Since the split was agreed she has stopped doing any housework (we split the chores 50/50), her son is working around 30 hours per week and doesn't to contribute anything (apart from mess), when he's not working he sits on his Xbox shouting at friends through the headset until 3-4am. She's making no effort to expedite them leaving. As far as I can tell she's not even looking for anywhere to rent anymore.

Things came to a head at the weekend and I told her she has until the end of the month to move and that it's non-negotiable. Since then she's claimed that I should move out and rent the place to her (she can't afford the market rate) and told me that she'll be here as long as she wants and there's nothing I can do about it.

I feel utterly trapped and unable to move on with my life whilst they are still here.

AIBU to force her out at the end of the month?

OP posts:
Numptysod · 01/04/2019 10:58

Call the police, I would think the only possibility.

You give notice in writing, send signed post to your address. So she can go to council.

Hollowvictory · 01/04/2019 11:00

Evict

Youshallnotpass · 01/04/2019 11:02

Purely from a legal perspective

She's not married to you, she is not on any tenancy agreement. You can wait until they are out of the house and change locks / secure property.

You can then arrange for her belongings to be sent somewhere or collected from outside the property.

LakieLady · 01/04/2019 11:06

Yes, I'd give her and her son written notice, and change the locks when it expires.

Original poster
ZeroToleranceLeft · 01/04/2019 11:07

Thanks for the replies.

The only issue with forced eviction is that I would feel like an utter arse even though I've given here over 4 months to get sorted.

OP posts:
Youshallnotpass · 01/04/2019 11:11

The only issue with forced eviction is that I would feel like an utter arse even though I've given here over 4 months to get sorted.

Sad to say but she probably knows this, hence why she has said she will never move out.

I know it sucks and is confrontational, but the only alternative is she will stay and you can't move on with your life.

TeddyIsaHe · 01/04/2019 11:13

Give her written notice and once it is up change locks and belongings outside.

Don’t feel like an arse. When a relationship ends you’re not obligated to provide someone with a home. Get rid so you can move on!

curiousierandcouriser · 01/04/2019 11:19

If you are unsure, you could ring the non-emergency police number for advice. But you just need to boot them out. What's stopping you from doing what a PP said and change the locks what they are out?

They are adults, not contributing to the property and not on the mortgage or tenancy agreement. Is her name on any bills or any paperwork?

Alsohuman · 01/04/2019 11:23

You’re way too nice for your own good, OP. Give her until 30 April to go, then change the locks and dump her stuff. And don’t give her a penny.

ny20005 · 01/04/2019 11:28

I couldn't put up with that for another month ! If she can't afford market rate, she'll have to present herself to the council so give her 2 weeks notice in writing & change the locks when they leave for work

Order654 · 01/04/2019 11:33

You’re way too nice for your own good, OP. Give her until 30 April to go, then change the locks and dump her stuff. And don’t give her a penny

^ this. Do it.

EnglishRose13 · 01/04/2019 11:37

My husband was in a similar situation with an ex. She just refused to move out of his house (it was his for years before they got together and she didn't contribute to the bills or mortgage). He gave her money for a deposit but she still refused to leave. She seemed to think carrying on as normal would repair their relationship.

In the end, he had to kick her out with nowhere to go as she was physically and verbally abusive to him and was really horrible to his mum. You can only be nice for so long. You've given her long enough.

Original poster
ZeroToleranceLeft · 01/04/2019 11:41

She's named on the Council Tax and Electric as they are the only two bills she pays. Not sure if that makes a difference.

OP posts:
Houseonahill · 01/04/2019 11:42

I wouldn't give her another month, 2 weeks at the most and then as PP say just change the locks when she's out

mrsk28 · 01/04/2019 11:43

Definitely give her written notice and tell her they both need to vacate the property by April 30th. And change the locks on May 1st if she still hasn't left.

Very unfair that she's putting you in this position when you've been more than fair.

Also don't pay her any money because she didn't leave by the agreed time. And she basically just paid you rent for the time she lived there, why would you owe her any equity from your house?

VBT2 · 01/04/2019 11:48

As PP have said, just kick her out.
I believe that legally, she could pursue you for equity share (proportionate to contributions for the length of time she’s lived there) as she has been contributing towards the mortgage, but if you’re prepared to give her this anyway, then don’t worry about it. Maybe say you’ll give this willingly if she goes by the end of the month, otherwise the offer goes (and she’ll then have to fight you for it).

HJWT · 01/04/2019 11:52

How much are you giving her and WHY shes basically paid rent to live in your house which is MORE than reasonable if she chose to not save and give you back half of the deposit! Just change the locks whilst they are out and pack there stuff any problems ring the police!!!

bellabasset · 01/04/2019 12:06

Is part of the problem that with her credit rating she can't get a property.

I would go to a solicitor and get them to give her written notice and change the locks on the day she us due to move out.

Original poster
ZeroToleranceLeft · 01/04/2019 12:48

I agreed to give her back some equity as we moved here together, although no official arrangement was ever drawn up it's the decent thing to do.

OP posts:
Hearhere · 01/04/2019 12:52

She sounds like an abusive bully she is not behaving decently, try to be as polite and calm as possible but be firm
This sounds very very stressful I hope you manage to get her out

Hearhere · 01/04/2019 12:54

If you are going to give her equity definitely don't do it until she has gone, use it as leverage and don't back down

TheSerenDipitY · 01/04/2019 13:39

give her the date in writing, and then on that date have the locks changed, if she is out at that time awesome!, pack her shit and tell her a time she can collect and if you can have a third party stand guard over her packed items ( that you have carefully packed and photographed during and after packing to show no breakages and placed outside just prior to her arrival)
and do not engage with her in verbal form from that moment, email and text only after that, as you never know when you will require evidence of abusive behavior from her or her son

ShinyPinkLipgloss · 01/04/2019 14:13

OP I copy pasted this from the Shelter Scotland website:

If you own your family home and are not married to your partner or in a civil partnership, you will be able to evict them without a court order. This means you are within your rights to change the locks while they are out. If your partner refuses to leave, you can then apply to the court for an ejection order, which can be enforced by sheriff officers if necessary.

If your partner has applied to the court for occupancy rights and these have been granted, you will need to get an exclusion order to make them leave the home.

You can also apply for an interdict or non-harassment order to keep them away from you.

GonzoFlyingProducts · 01/04/2019 15:15

You need to take legal advice (you can't just change the locks...) and the law in Scotland is slightly different. See a high street solicitor and get some advice and then a court order. Also take advice about how to proceed with the equity issue...

PregnantSea · 01/04/2019 15:21

She has been absolutely vile to you - why do you care so much about looking like an arse?

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