AIBU to cut imaginary friend loose?

[ghostedgirl]

Friends have come and gone in my life, and there was a great exodus when a number of them skeddaddled when I went through a significant trauma during my early adulthood. It was really rough, but I came to be at peace with it. In retrospect I think they just felt my situation was too heavy for them. Fair enough.

One of those friends reappeared some years back and I was really happy. She was also happy. Had shared many amazing times with her before the shit hit the fan in my life and I sincerely cherished her friendship. We live at a distance from each other so contact hasn’t been easy, but we connected when we could.

Suddenly she went silent again. Not just to me, but to mutual friends also. Tried calling and texting. She never answers. One day I finally got through and when I tried to gently broach the subject and said I was worried something might be going on she got defensive and hung up. Sent a very diplomatic message of support that also went unanswered.

I get it if she’s got no interest in the friendship. But then she’ll send birthday wishes. I’ll reply with my thanks and then radio silence resumes. I send her birthday wishes. Nothing.

I’m sure I sound like a total desperado here, but I had worried for a long time perhaps she had been dealing with something difficult and was finding it hard to reply. I’ve definitely been going through my own difficult things.

I guess I’m just really, really sad to lose her again and that I’ll never know what the problem is. I also don’t know why she bothers with birthday wishes if she can’t be bothered with anything beyond that.

I just need to cut her loose completely, don’t I...?

It sounds like she's already distanced herself from you. I'm not sure you need to do any 'cutting loose' - just stop texting if you don't want the worry. She probably won't get in touch off her own back. Then find some new friends who don't leave you wondering! 😊

But that’s the thing @grincheux. Every time I back off and stop texting she sends a non-committal birthday wish or something similar. Why? What’s the point? I guess “cut loose” isn’t the phrase I meant. I guess I meant “give up”.

Honestly, I’ve had ex BF’s do similar after breakups before and it’s been easy to just ignore them and move on. Not sure why it’s so sad to give up on this friend. Maybe because there was no actual “breakup”.

The fact she sends you birthday wishes shows she cares and thinks about you.

I wouldn't cut her loose completely, just understand something is going on with her and keep expectations low.

I struggle with my mental health and when I am bad I find interacting with people impossible but am too embarrassed to explain fully what is going on. It could be similar for her.

I get that @Gingerkittykat, but where was she when I went through my toughest times? Fell off the face of the earth. I understand people are different and she may not want to talk about her problems with me (I’m quite averse to it myself), or to talk about anything at all, but is it really that hard to send a simple text saying, “Thanks, but I’m not in the right headspace to talk at the moment.” ?