Should I bother with Father's Day?

[OrnithCheeseatron]

Divorced, kids with exH EOW. Today, kids were with dad and had a great day celebrating Mother's Day - focussed on ex's mum (grandma). This was all hosted at ex brother in laws house with SIL hosting (cooking, arranging etc) who follows family lines (abusive ex, perfect husband to outside world). Today I got son & daughter returned to me at 5pm as normal hoping for something -flowers maybe? I got a bunch of fake tulips from the pound shop (says my daughter) and a card that has double exposure .. the print is not good enough to sell in a decent shop so has come from somewhere cheap.

My AIBU? I've always made sure the children do something thoughtful on Father's Day, should I not bother in future as I'm clearly no longer part of ex's family? I have no family of my own (except for kids) btw.

I'm married 20 years and my DH has never organised anything for mother's day. Even tonight when a friend asked him what he had organised for today he laughed and said 'she is not my mother'.

However from an early age I got my DC making cards and gifts for all special occasions. So now I don't need to rely on DH organising anything and I received a beautiful handmade card and necklace. These will be treasured with all the previous cards they have made .

So don't buy anything for exH , just get DCs to make a card and hopefully next year they will organise one for you.

Cakes even :)

At 10 & 12, I actually might be disappointed in my DC rather than my ex.

I think they're old enough to make it to a shop with their pocket money to buy some chocolates or a bunch of flowers, or make a card themselves for you...

I would facilitate FD, and nothing more e.g. offer to take them to the shops. I wouldn't do more than that. Because again, at 10 & 12, if they have pocket money the gesture should come from them. You want to be the bigger person and model kind behaviour and consideration (Do Unto Others as You would be Done To etc) but not a complete mug.

Honestly I don’t agree with the two wrongs don’t make a right view. Because your Ex isn’t your responsibility anymore, and you aren’t his. That includes Christmas, birthdays and father’s / Mother’s Day. It just sets up scenarios like this where you make the effort and he doesn’t. It doesn’t make the kids see you as the bigger person, they just

• get used to you expecting your ex to control your day (why?)
• get into the habit of always remembering father’s but seeing mothers as a granny thing
• get w but confused as to you pushing the lovely gifts for father’s through them - this just looks as if you’ve feelings if it isn’t reciprocated and you still do it
• learn through you that unbalanced relationships are fine.

Just let it go. Your kids will be happier for it.