to look into changing DS name without his dad's permission?

[organicmama]

My DS is 4 months old. I left my ex (his dad) because he was abusing my verbally. He was a bully, aggressive, angry, controlling and he doesn't currently have any contact with DS as I fled to a different city. SS have told me I'm doing the right thing considering his history. He did the same thing to his ex apparently. He's displayed some strange behaviours and I'm really quite scared of him.

When he was born, I raised the idea of giving him both our surnames. I was bullied out of it. He laughed at me. Told me I was being ridiculous and that there was 'no way my son is having 4 names'

I had a little cry and brushed it to one side. I didn't want him to get angry.

Is there any point in me approaching the court for a name change? Or to at least add my surname on to the end of his? The idea of having to contact my ex every time I go abroad for permission, having to explain the surname difference etc. I can't even bring myself to write it down because I hate my ex so much.

I'm such an idiot agreeing to it in the first place but I felt I had no choice and was in the midst of baby blues...

I knew you'd ended the relationship. I didn't realise he was still on your case.

I'm not sure if you're the lady who was taking him to your Ex in the evenings and have stopped now.

So you think he'll be pushing to take you to court? How will he know where you are?

I've been on a similar spot.

Youngest dd's legal surname is the ex's. But she is known as my surname at school, and so on. I got her a passport so we could go away when she was four. I took every bit of evidence that I was her mother, down to her birth discharge sheet, plus evidence of the domestic violence, just in case I had trouble. But it was fine. I would try this for now. And hopefully in the future things will have gone in favour of you and your ds, and you may be able to find a way to change his name. I'm hoping to change dd's eventually. She calls herself by my surname.

@SandyY2K yes, that's me. I've NC. I found that thread really traumatic to refer back to. I actually deleted that account and started again. I'm so lost and miserable. Struggling to see through the PND. Maybe need a break from mn as I've spent the whole day searching for similar experiences.

You can do it by deed poll yourself as a previous poster has suggested. Write a letter explaining your reasons etc and they will usually grant it. However, the passport office will not accept a name change without the permission of all persons with parental responsibility which your ex has if he’s on the birth certificate.
I changed my son’s surname after my ex was sent to prison for a serious crime against me, he now has my surname everywhere, school, doctors, dentist, bank account etc but passport office will not accept it and therefore his passport is in his fathers name (talk about triggers every time I see it!)

Also another thing to note is even if you had the same name as your child you are meant to have fathers permission to take them out of the country anyway (even if you were happily married but just travelling without husband!) Yes, a different name on the passport would highlight you both and make officials question your relationship but they can stop you anyway just for travelling without the father and ask for proof of permission.

If he applies for contact you’d have the ability to counter apply for residence and a specific issue order regarding the change of name. I’m sure a judge would look more favourably on double-barrelling rather than your surname only.

Yes am pretty sure if you act quickly (before your baby gets much older) you can do this online.

He's not going to know you've changed his name...

Even in the case IF he took you to court to change it the fact that you've left cos of DV and getting a non-mol should go in your favour.

Id ask on the legal boards

OP I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. Good luck, it sounds like an awful situation.